zoo

it has been a very eventful week. in fact i've just gotten home under an hour ago.

i went to the zoo today! haha yes, our very own singapore zoo. never in my whole life did i think i would ever visit that hell hole again, but i did. courtesy of 2 of my secondary school friends who had free tickets to the zoo, so some of us went along to the zoo. so there were 9 of us in total.

it was a tiring day walking around in the zoo. even my hours of standing at work non-stop was of no use today. i was really bogged down by the heat, the humidity and the weight of my bag. and it wasn't help by the fact that i was wearing a black top. but it was okay, the trip.

didn't know there were so many types of primates around. what with you orang utans, the siamangs, the proboscis monkey, the chimps and so many more. i got sick of it at one time. and there were new names i've never heard before. like this hugeass freshwater amazon fish called the arapaima. i think the name's cool though. and a primate with a blue ass called a mandrill (it's really blue!). and some other names like the lemur, nighliy (i think) and a few others. got to take a few cool pics of several animals though. and got to see this hugeass python too, and some lazy-ass pigs and boars. and an animal called the babirusa (pig-deer). haha. alot of interesting things to learn.

like the above-mentioned arapaima. i swear i've never of such a fish before. apparently it's the largest freshwater fish in the world, growing up to 3m in length. and they are carnivorous. they eat other fish. i saw the keeper feeding them, and the way the consume it is damn cool. they create a suction-like vacuum using their mouths to suck the fish into their mouths, instead of just biting it straightaway. so it creates a very loud pop sound, which never ceases to shock everyone around. quite cool i find it. that was what the presenter said about this fish. oh and the presenter was very cute! i like her alot already! haha. she had a nice voice and really looks cute when she smiles! maybe i'll go and visit the arapaimas again soon then! haha.

after that was dinner at lot 1, and then i met jimmy. in between i ran into dear old mr chiam! he still remembers alot of me, but not my name! haha. but is okay. at least he remembers. unlike a certain teacher i've mentioned 1 of my recent posts. anyways, what a coincidence running into him, right after a dinner with the secondary school people. mr chiam was a teacher no one ever listened to in class, although he was really devoted to giving extra tuition after school at night. i was one of those who benefited from such sessions. he's actually a good one-on-one tutor i admit. but in class, no one really paid attention to him. we were alwasy playing cards or listening to music. i remembered once, i even had my fortune told in class. imagine that.

and then ran into nurul in the bus on the way to meeting jimmy. haha i keep running into nurul nowadays. and i met jimmy to sort out certain preparations for an event that's coming up!haha.

oh i watched pathfinder the other day. not bad a movie, although it is definitely a movie with the least scripts and lines i've ever watched. and the lead actress, moon bloodgood, is damn hooottt! shes dutch, irish and korean all rolled into 1! what an exotic blend! but i've yet to watch 300. and teenage mutant ninja turtles! errghh. it's tough being single in this sense. haha.

oh well, i would rather want to watch teenage mutant ninja turtles that 300 i guess. anyone caring enough to accompany me and watch either of the 2 movies? i'm so desperate. tsk tsk.

k/w

i'm very absent-minded. with regards to work, it's really very annoying. twice today alone, i forgot to give back 2 credit cards to the respective customer. we could call back 1, but not the other. today there's just something wrong with me. cocked up alot. as always. and not forgetting, i'm still being faced with rude and overly demanding customers.

so work has been taxing, but i can stand 5 hours on an end now. haha. other than that things have been okay. i'm now a full-fledged cashier, although still unsure on certain things. but so far no major problems. i'm happily enjoying work.

and i've been having alot of dinners out lately. with jj, hasan, and last saturday met up with fairus, khamsya and hanan. after dinner, slacked at starbucks with hana and khamsya. it's real fun being with them. and i really wonder how's school gonna be with them around later in the year. it will be so havoc i feel. i doubt the campus has seen the most havoc and happenning students yet. i really can't wait for school, i wished it started tomorrow.

and a few days ago, i finally saw nad in person! but i was scared to approach her, fearing the ill-fated question - who are you? ah it was unmistakeably her. apparently she thought it was me. my dearest primary school friend, so finally i've seen you in person. happy birthday to you anyways, haha.

and mom has given me the green light to go KL. haha the funny thing was, before i left for work yesterday, i told her playfully i wanted to go london in june. she chided me, for saying such things, since i was kinda not so well-off, yet wanted to go holidaying in london. but later on in the day after i got back from work, she actually asked me whether i really wanted to go to london. haha. damn funny la my mum. but she says i can go to KL. so i can't wait. a few people are very interested in it, so hope the trip materialises.

and also, alot of gatherings to attend. on the 24th,on e 31st,on the 1st of apr...my gosh i don't know shy suddenly all the gatherings culminate during this period. my work hasalready take up much of my time, and plus all this...of course it's all gonna be very fun. and packed. haha. well at least i've things to do on much of the upcoming weekends. better staying at home and rotting away.

can't wait for the end of the month to beckon.

cashier

so nowadays i'm ALWAYS the cashier. the seniors and the permanent staff always bully me by telling me to be the cashier for the day, even if the roster didn't say so.

i mean cashiering is okay actually, fun at the start. but i'm always stuck at the counter, and i can't really go out and walk around and interact with the rest of the staff. but i'm more adept at cashiering nowadays. to tell you the truth i'm beginning to like my job behind the counter.haha. although it can be a tad too boring at times. like my what my colleague said just now - "got customers can die, no customers also can die." haha. there's alot of sense and truth in that statement. last weekend was quite hellish though. in fact i've gotten a complain from a customer already. haha. wasn't really my fault anyway.

it was friday morning, and we were really understaffed. the phone at the counter kept ringing non-stop, so there was this 1 particular call i answered. then came along this ang moh woman who wanted to pay. i dealt with the call first, but after a while i realised the call would take quite some time. then i told her politely to proceed to the other counters. then she got exasperated, because as it turned out the other counter had directed her to mine. she then stormed off and in the distance i could see her turn back and gesturing and probably curse and swear at me. of course i couldn't hear a thing since my ear was still glued to the receiver. i think she complained about me to the other counter.

then my manager came along to inquire about the complain, but eventually she forgot about it. tsk tsk. that's not all. on saturday i got a earful from another customer. his credit card didn't bear his signature at the back, so politely i asked him to sign. he berated me, saying his card was brand new so its the top of the range kind, where e signature is already embedded at the front of card. he said i was totally ignorant of such things and said i should know of such updates since i'm a cashier. in the end my colleague was the one who said sorry.

now that man is a complete a**hole. c'mon la, you are talking to this poor boy, who doesn't even own a POSB GO! card for god's sake. i'm not like some stinking rich chinese indonesians who come here and spulrge like 3K on knives alone. or neither do i collect credit cards like i'm a stamp collector. that's why i'm actually working as a modest cashier, a**hole. how would you expect me to know what kind of credit card you have, new or old?

you see, i realise the most stuck up and standoffish customers are surprise, surprise, our very own asians. just because they think they are filthy rich they think they can bully others around with their wealth. singaporeans too, become more well-off then suddenly they become pig-headed. the caucasians on the other hand, are rather polite and curteous. all these japanese, koreans, indonesians and even singaporeans - they are the most demanding, most unreasonable and most unrealistic customers i've ever seen. really. working in this line has shown me how rude, snobbish, ungracious and ridiculous our very own singaporeans are. i think we can only just hav a first world place to live in, but not the first world citizens to match up to that.

how to? become abit more wealthier and many start to think they are more superior than the rest. hallo, even the caste system is banned in India FYI. even simple mistakes and small matters can be blown up to such a huge and unreasonable proportion. the way i see it, i serious feel we can never be the gracious society that is hoped of us to be. we can always be a first world country in our lifetime no doubt, but with second rate citizens, with second rate mindsets, and second rate behaviour and attitudes.

on another note.

my computer was spoilt for the past week. thanks to ali it's up and running now. later on this week there will be an IT show at Suntec City. i need to go there to buy a DVD writer. i borrowed fabian's Lost DVD series for season 1, but my player in the living room can't play DVDs. i'm quite an idiot for not realising this, so anyway i shall have to get one soon. and mayb speakers to go along. we'll see how.

i got offs on wednesday and thursday back to back. i don't know if i should play badminton or not. but i'm sure i will go to the IT show. then dinner with fad, and abit of shopping to go. friday i feel like having dinner with some of the classmates.

busy, busy days ahead it seems.

taka

my legs are definitely stronger now. i can stand for 4 hours straight without feeling muscles aches. haha. and my legs do feel less painful too even after a long day at work.

so i've finally started off with cashiering. it's quite simple actually, although some parts are abit confusing. i just need to slowly grasp the concepts and that should be all. the colleagues have been really patient with me and the other newbies. i'm thankful for that actually. even though the place is always packed with people almost all the time.

and i've seen alot fo people i know too. and my friends have been dropping by, i don't know why. is it like exciting to see me work at the counter? i don't know. thanks though for wasting your time (and my time!) for dropping by. oh i ran into into cikgu saripah too. but surprisingly she can't remember me at all.

i waved at her then she waved back. obviously she couldn't remember who i was, so i gave her the chance to stare at me at close range for a few seconds, and the name that came out of her mouth was not mine. right. what an anti-climax. so i explained myself, and we chatted a very short while. she says she can't remember her all of her students because she's taught alot of students.

that is, of course. but come on la cikgu! we were your last batch of students before you left our school to go to RI!(of course i didn't say it in front of her.) and we were your pioneer malay literature class batch, in fact the only 1 you taught before you left our school. and there were like, 14 of us in that small class? i admit i wasn't 1 of the more attention-grabbing students, but surely you should still remember me? memories of us would be fresher, logically. she remember shaz, when she ran into her last month. and shaz only takes higher malay! i took both! even after she walked away after the conversation, i wasn't fully convinced she actually remembered who i actually am. tsk tsk.

anyway last week had that class reunion dinner. i ate pizza that i asked von to order. the reast ate steamboat, and i only ate a measly prawn. then they did the lo hey thingy, and i couldn't bear to consume that, since it looked disgusting to me (sorry man!) anyway there's actually such things as halal lo hey. i'm like, what? okay la, it shouldn't be difficult to find halal lo hey snce it only consists of vegetables (errgh! simply disgusting!) and raw fish. it was nice to see back the classmates. i'm quite amazed we still meet up. i bet most of you don't even know what has happened to your own ex-classmates.

anyway arsenal lost last night. kinda disappointed, considering we opened the scoring first. i thought the unknown quantity that is the youth players of arsenal could have given chelsea a huge surprise. it did initially, but in the end chelsea nicked it. oh well. at least it proves arsenal's youngster have a very bright future in them. if the can match up to chelsea in a final, i guess they can match up to the hustle and bustle of the premiership then.

today on off, tomorrow back to work. feel like playing badminton this thursday with haekal, acop and rahman again. it's like a weekly ritual you know. my way (only way actually) of keeping fit. haha although we all tire very easily towards the end of the 2 hours.

everyday, i'm always wondering wondering who i'll run into at my workplace. the possibiilty of it is always very very high, it seems. oh well.

ppp

i probably should call myself the gangster wrapper. or gangsta wrappa, ratha.

a la 50cent, but not quite.

i wrap like mad at work nowadays.

now pots, pans and porcelain (ppp i term them) is the norm for me at my workplace.

idiotic jerome. cursed me that i might be posted to the pots and pans department. and it REALLY turned out to just that. tsk tsk. everyday i wrap and wrap. still not proficient at it though, but definitely better with my hands now. haha.

pay's not good at all. but hey, this is the only job that i could get. better then idling away at home. at least i learn something, although not really mentally stimulating. kinda tests more on patience and endurance. haven't yet started with the cash register machine, but next week i'm quite sure i've to start cashiering. so no more gangsta-wrappa for me i guess. actually not really.

been reading a book on english words and terms that are actually imported and borrowed from other languages. some of them are really alien to me, but some of them we use itall the time, not knowing it actually is of foreign nature. like vice versa. or status quo. or even chic. and macho.

so everyday i do the same thing - wake up, go to work, read this book on the way to work( i'm done with it actually), work my ass off, thn go back and read it on the way home, then sleep.

i'm still trying to get used to such routines, but so far it has been okay. work hasn't really been a blast, but at least it ain't boring, although there's really alot of tedious things to do. like i said, at least there's things to do. even though the pay might never match anything else.

so i don't work for the next 3 days. but as always, nothing is ever open during these holidays.

i guess it's home sweet home for me then this weekend.

then got a steamboat next week at vonnie's house. more than 2 years ago it was christmas dinner at fab's house. so now is a chinese new year steamboat dinner. ah shall have to rush down from work then.

my legs are really aching like mad! tsk tsk. now i know the life behind the counter ain't so simple.

shirts

i don't know why, but i keep seeing our football heroes these days.

on wednesday night and last night, i saw khairul amri. then just now i saw raddy avramovic.

so who's next for tomorrow? jj says it should be ridhuan muhd. haha. he of the bandaged head fame. but apparently he took out the stitches on his head all by himself.

i digress.

so i have gotten a job actually. i try not to be choosy so i just accepted it. then another offer comes along. which is more lucrative than the first one.

how now brown cow?

i haven't started work yet. i start on monday. but the 2nd job offer offers more - for less. but i only have had a verbal agreement for the first job, no contract signing etc done yet. but right now i'm very muddled up.

i accepted the first offer because it's so hard to get a part-time/temporary job nowadays. the pay is rather paltry i guess. but working there would probably open me up to a world i might not have seen before. but the 2nd job offers more money, for less hours. but its working conditions are so - safe. like it's really guarded.

ah i was already geared up to work on monday. i'm not really excited or anything, it's just that i jus want to know what my new job entails and such. it might be mundane, but it will be quite insightful i guess. it might make me a stronger person.

oh well.

on another note, i've been shopping these days - even though there's no sale going on now. so far i've spent jus over a hundred bucks on 4 shirts. haha. 3 dress shirts and 1 top from topman. tsk tsk. and river island is something like topman, but i think slightly more pricey, from what i observed just now.

on yet another note.

2 nights ago was the birthday dinner with nurul and the rest. i'm real glad even after all these years we primary school friends still meet up. it's amazing to see how each other have grown through the years. and cam-whoring is so fun! haha yes hatta, yours truly admit he's a cam-whore. okay i guess i kind of get in touch with this feminine( is that how you spell it?) side of mine. but then again, i already have a digital camera, so might as well shoot away all night long what! haha. if not for what i own a digital camera?

so tomorrow is another day of shopping for me - with jj and jimmy. haha. money's flowing out but not coming in. tsk tsk.

the other day i had no jobs at all. now i've got 2 offers! haha what a whirlwind life can be.

how now brown cow?

ord

okay, so finally my nightmare has ended.

finally. errgh, the wait seemed like forever. for the past 2 years this is the day i have been waiting for, but it passed just like that. i'm not feeling so euphoric or ecstatic, it just feels like just another day. i don't know why.

everyone is really looking forward to this day, but yet is feel nothing inside. i don't know. ah must be the uncertainties that lie ahead. the end of something is almost always the beginning of something.

and i haven't even started to scout for jobs, and yet people have been asking me out here and there. tomorrow i'm out with marcus and wadi. thursday's dinner with the primary school friends. friday's job-hunting and maybe another game of badminton, and saturday could be a gathering of old camp mates. ah it's all so packed.

but i need a job, badly. my finances isn't that healthy, and it may plummet towards recession sooner rather than later it seems. i need the World Bank to save me! haha.

oh well. at least i've somewhat gotten my life back.

can't wait to start school. i don't mind starting school tomorrow, frankly speaking.but actually, i need a break.

come june - Kl here i come. i think.

match

just came home from going out...to buy the singapore-thailand match tickets. yeah finally. was supposed to go down to catch saturday's match but the tickets sold out by 3pm. i was already ready to rush down in thomas' car but it wasn't to be. the whole weekend was then practically wasted away at home doing nothing but colelcting dust.

so this time round me and jerome couldn't take any chances. we reached jalan besar at close to 4 but the queue was quite long. took us around 20minutes or so before we could purchase the tickets. the fatigue on the faces of the people at the counter was clear - both of them had sore eyes! and they still had to work. so wednesday i'll be there cheering them on against the mighty thais.

seriously singapore played quite horribly against malaysia. i think me and jj got a common consensus. singapore wants to utilise alam shah's supposed aerial prowess but they can't even cross the ball properly. even the freekicks were wasted. and i don't think one needs to be an einstein to tell me indra is off-form. so is baihakki. baihakki is seriously a pale shadow of the player he was during the last tiger cup. and the defence is really shaky. bennett can't really take freekicks, contrary to what the players claim. ridhuan mohd can't cross the ball for nuts and shi jia yi hasn't impressed me enough.

of course i don't expect perfection. but seriously, what i see on the pitch and what is written on the newspapers do not match. so i think i should be expecting better from them this wednesday, since it is most probably the national stadium's last match ever.

frankly speaking i've never watched a match at the stadium before, although i've performed on the pitch itself many times with my military band in my heydays a few years back.

on another note.

finally i've won the international cup on winning 11 at level 5! haha big deal to some other people, but it's quite an achievement to me. been trying to do that for the past few months. finally did it! achieved it at 3am+ on sunday night/monday morning. finally!haha.

on yet another note.

i need to find work!

anyone got a decent propostion?

slacking

things are very mundane nowadays.

i sleep quite alot in camp. in fact i even brought in a very detailed book about WWII to keep me preoccupied.

ah it's not those thick and wordy ones, is those with colour illustrations and almost 300 page thick. just what i need to get a grasp of the events of WWII. tomorrow i'll start on the chapter where the tide of the war now goes against the Nazi Germans.

it's quite exciting actually. well maybe to me actually, since history is probably the only i read in depth.

on another note.

my clumsiness has taken me to a higher level now. haha. think some of you might know just how clumsy i can be. and the stupidest of things that i could do. well yet another embarassing thing happened to me.

ever walked past by SMU? somewhere there by bras basah rd, there's this water fountain thingy, outside the li ka shing library. well i happened to walk past there on saturday with sheikh and iman. then i got a call. so while on the phone i started to lose my mind abit i think, apparently i slowly swayed too much to the left the woooosh!

damn it i stepped into the water structure. the thing looked like a flight of stairs but its full of water. i couldn't see since it was at night around 7+and the lighting was dim. i swear i didn't realise it was water. you gotta go see for yourselves how the water structure looks like.

well the aftermath was embarassing. my jeans were drenched up to my shin level. it was pretty obvious. then i just sat down exasperated. while the guys were laughing their socks off. well at least their socks were still dry. tsk tsk.

after various means of trying to get my jeans dry up it took like around 7 hours before my jeans really dried up. that night still carried on. played pool, played counter-strike for the 1st time ever and then hanged out till morning.

rather embarassing. well at least it didn't happen on my way to meet some girl on a date or what. haha. i'm so clumsy i wonder when i'll grow out of my clumsiness. it kinda stems from my blurredness or my stupidity somehow. it's all a mish-mash.

so far i've been to 2 birthday functions this month. everyone's like turning 21 this year. thinking of having 1 myself later in the year, but logistics-wise it will be quite a nightmare. still thinking.

well, good thing is the nightmare is going to end rather soon.

but it it isn't the end of everything it seems.

the end of something almost always means the beginning of another thing.

and somethings can never end just like that.

new yr

hey, happy new year!

oh i know, i haven't been blogging for quite sometime. pardon the laziness. my bad.

i guess i'll just blog on what happened in the day leading up to the new year and after that.

for starters, the class outing. the much-hyped one apparently. the one that i kinda volunteered to organise.

it went okay actually. although everyone else came late for the badminton game. there was me, jerome, fabian, thomas, vineson, gq, clarissa, yenlin, sarah and lingfang. we played for around 2 hours at the toa payoh sports hall. then we showered and then made our way to toa payoh central. waited for mr yong to come. dear old mr yong, my jc class form teacher. i haven't seen him since i collected my results for a levels almost 2 years ago. too bad mr tan and mr yap couldn't join us. tyan joined us for dinner too.

so we dined at swensens. and chatted. then we played pool for 2 hours near there. then me jerome fabian and thomas made our way to a pub at selegie road, supposedy to catch the liverpool-spurs match. but ended up watching man u-reading instead.

so the class outing went okay. it wasn't really a blast,but it wasn't really a disaster either. it's just wasted that some originally could make it but had to pull out last minute. it's really hard to get everyone coming over actually.

then the next day was hari raya haji. got to drive the aunt's car around abit. at night i went out to clarke quay. met up with hadi,lizzy, haryyany and shaz. shaz brought along her cousin from kl. and we walked around, and then went over to esplanade to catch the fireworks. then slacked around town, and catching the 1st (or rather 2nd train) home. no cabs wanted to take us in, so we decided to waste time away till the first train.

i got home at close to 8am on new year's day. later that day i went out again, this time with fab and jj. got a shirt for myself from pull and bear at taka. and after that caught the liverpool-bolton game at chjimes. and on the 2nd i was on duty in camp.

so now it's already 2007. i'm going to ord quite soon. but i'm really taking things with alot of caution. things havent't really panned out well for me so far. i really hope everything else won't affect me. because it might just have an adverse effect on me. until then all i can say is jus i've keep my head up and put on a brave front i guess. hope things will turn out okay for me in the end.

i really do.

God please help me.

end of year

so the end of year beckons.

what have i really achieved this year?

frankly speaking, nothing much to brag about. oh well except the much coveted driving licence. and alot of my materialistic aims have been achieved (upgrading the whole computer system, shoes, clothes etc).

on a side note, let me go through again how much i've been in these tow months (nov and dec) alone!

$149 + $25 + $399 + $69 + $178 + $15 = $835

wow. a grand total of $835. that doesn't even include all those spent on transport and food and the what-nots. right.

anyway the $174 was spent of two shoes, 1, an asics running shoes and another an adidas sneakers. i'm really thinking of buying that converse pair that costs just under $50. ah i'm really stocking up for my life after life.

back to the main topic.

what i've gained from this whole? actually it;s only lessons. lessons for life. things that only life in ns could have thought me at this stage of my life. like how i realise now, people are really diverse in every way possible. the only similiarity is that we are all human beings and that's all. people of all kinds of characters, personalities that you thought could never exist do actually exist.

it is interesting, this point, because it leads to another point - how do you deal with such a variety of people? since everyone else presents to you a different type of character and personality, definitely dealing with them cannot be through using a standard method. and so i've realised that i've really gotta handle different people differently. if not, i might just hurt their feelings, or they might get the wrong perception of me. it's a give and take world, i guess. it's all so complex.

and working withpeople can be such a chore. and that would lead to another point - what about my future working life? what if i don't really personally like my colleagues? so how? i can;t really choose how i want my colleagues to be like. i can't choose my working environtment, neither can i choose my superiors. it's all fated to be like that, like it or not. freedom to choose is really bullshit i guess. how can one choose how they want to live? given the aspirations and the needs that we need to fulfil, are we really able to live life they way we want it? i think that's too much wishful thinking.

life is really about choices, they say. but some things have already been pre-decided for you. so what's there to be choosy about? anyway in singapore, i believe there's not much of a choice on how we can really live our lives. it's all so preset, so pre-determined, so fake.

well, we ain't got much of choice do we? life goes on, and you live only once. oh well.

on a brighter note, the jc class gathering that i'm organinsing, the response has been quite encouraging. i hope things turn out okay though. i'mn really looking forward to it, since everyone hasn't seen each other for quite a while. hope all goes to plan and almost all will turn out.

looking forward to the new year, and of course, the life after life!

december

it's been a while since i last updated.

so i'll try and condense it all.

finally december beckons! the recruits will be passing out soon, and my time is also coming up. another 8 more weeks to go before it all ends! haha. although i'm just taking things a day at a time. but december would still be a busy month for me. i've still got alot of duties to do, and not much leave to clear. i can't even go for my secondary 2 class outing on the 10th. boo hoo. i haven't seen them for a very long time, must have been eons i think.

well last week, like any other kiasu singaporean i went down to the creative warehouse sale. got lucky and purchased the creative zen neeon 6gb player worth $149. i know, i know, it ain't the new creative zen neeon 2, but hey, i'm looking for something value for my money. 6gb for $149, i think is a bargain. but there's some problems with the installation cd, so i haven't been able to use it yet. oh well, gotta call them up i guess. but the digicam looks real good. and

but my sister, i guess abit jealous with my purchase, on her own went down to plaza singapura 3 days ago to get her own mp3 player. but not worth the money. a creative zen muvo n200 (an even oler model), 1gb at $109. at the sale it went for $69, and even had a promotion price of buy 2 at $130! too rushed in her decision, so i told her off. what a waste of money, i feel.

oh yesterday i drove around for the whole day. my aunt and uncle left for thailand for a holiday, so the car was lent to us. we sent them off at the airport and the made our way to the expo. i wanted to see around for any bargains for a digital camera, and i got 1. although it's quite expensive to me ($399), but i guess i got a good deal. an olympus 6.0 camera. quite sleek looking too, although i wanted to buy 1 within the proce range of $200+. but the digital camera looks real good, and i think i got myself quite a good deal.

and then we dropped by john little, and drove around singapore here and there. at night i drove myself here and there. what a field day i had. but at night when i reached home and wanted to turn right into the carpark, something blocked the way. an accident had happened so i had to go in by another way. quite a horrible accident. from the way i looked at it, it seemed as if the van was making a right turn but didn't see the motorcyclist speeding towards his direction. the motobike was completely damaged, but i think the guy got sent to hospital. the junction in front of my black is a hazardous area. every now and then there's bound to be accidents here and there.

i guess it's things like these that make you wake up about the dangers of driving on the roads. reality will strike you hard if we don't make an effort to drive safely.

looking forward to the end of the month! till then good day!

extra

finally i'm back home after being locked away for so long in camp.

yesterday i was on duty on a borin g boring saturday, so i actually had a movie marathon of my own. a grand total of 5 hours, all of which i've never watched before. first i watched munich. then i finished up hitler: the rise of evil. followed by this chinese movie called love and the city, and then paradise now. lastly i watched cast away on channel 5. haha. but it's sad enough i can't go out hari raya with my secondary school mates or with the people i went to kl with in december 2004. or the play at esplanade next week. haha it's a real sad life.

next week's gonna be the same. life is so mundane. i hope december will be power packed. december sounds like it has alot of things in store for me. can probably look forward to the class outings. or even the trip to kl. and the short break. and xmas holidays, and hari raya haji. and the fact that my nightmare is in its closing chapters. although i must admit this month i'll be really slaving it out, since it's really so packed. i don't think i'll ever go out this month.

i think i'll get myself an ipod. how soon i don't know. and the digital camera too. and the shoes, i'll have to get them at kl i hope! and a few tops or whatever. i don't know, i just wanna get out of here and scram to somewhere better.

it's a real sad life now.

feels like i should be screaming.

raya

so i have been driving around lately.

on the 1st day of raya i drove around my aunt's mitsubishi lancer and my uncle's toyota wish. haha it's quite cool to drive actually. braving myself against e elements of the roads. but haha, apparently i drive too fast,above the speed limit, especially on the highways.

like just now. 110 on the kje. tsk tsk. haha, especially for new drivers like me. but im getting the feel of it i guess, especially when driving in packed areas, or driving in multi-storey carparks. i guess i've somewhat got the hang of how to park openly and in the multi-storey carparks. but of course, such things need more experience and practice. which i won't get that much. well, i guess that bmw will have to wait another 15 years then.haha.

oh and i drove in johor on day 2 of raya. and i was a complete idiot. from the customs in jb to my kampong, it takes about 20mins by car. i drove there in my uncle's proton wira. drove at max 80. the thing was, after i reached my kampong, i realised that i didn't let go of the handbrake AT ALL. the whole time i was driving at 80 with the handbrake not released. can u imagine that? i probably burned through the whole brake system (which i hope didn't happen, although my uncle didn't say anything!). i felt really bad about it, 'cause i know the brake would have heated up pretty much alot. really hope it's all ok. it doesn't help that his wira is quite old and broken down here and there.

but at least i could go back to my kampong and visit my grandma and aunts and uncles and cousin. oh i have this hot cousin from my kampong! haha. she's really attractive. the thing is, i don't know her name, her age. i'm serious. the thing about my paternal side is that it's rather shady. far flung relatives, divorces, marriages turning bad and the unwillingness to keep in contact. i think this hot cousin of mine is younger than i am, but that's about it. i was like wow, since when i had such a hot cousin?haha. oh well i guess the next time i'll see her is next year then. next year then i ask! haha.

so far raya's been okay. i didn't get much money,but i'm not complaining. it's really about meeting the people you don't see everyday, and catch up on their lives and stuffs. and see how people grow up so fast. and people will admire how i've grown up so fast. haha it's all the same.

what are you doing now? after NS do what? in NS what's your vocation? wah why are you so dark? wah, you're so tall! and the rare questions will come like where's the wife? (someone asked this just now!) haha. it's all very mundane but hey, it's fun to see the far-flung relatives and the 2nd and 3rd cousins etc.

ah but next week i'm confined in camp, so no visiting! ah i guess there's always next year.

ah till then, selamat hari raya all!

hari raya

so today is the last day of fasting. flashback to a year ago.

i was actually charging up and down the forests and hills of taiwan. and on hari raya itself, we were all so down, and even ended up crying together. to be away in a the jungles of a foreign land on the most celebrated day in the muslim calendar is a really harrowing experience.

so fast forward back to today. still i can't feel the hari raya mood. it doesn't help that alot of weekends will be burnt in camp. oh well, life's like that. on a brighter note i didnt skip a single day of fastingh since day 1. which is quite an achievement. although i did try to find avenues to try and sleep and rest as an when i could in camp. but i guess this wasn't such a great ramadhan for me, i think and i hope to do better for the next month. basically the only plus point was that i didn't skip any days.

although this year i sent out quite a few hari raya cards. realised after going through my stuffs i had some hari raya cards left, so why not send them out? although not all have received them. haha but the feedback is always the same - you're probably the ONLY one to send me a hari raya card this year, or this will probably be my ONLY hari raya card this year, and that my handwriting is totally illegible.

i plead guilty to e 2nd point. firstly my handwriting isn't as neat as it used to be 10 years ago. secondly i had to rush through to make the cards! but haha even i myself have problems figuring out my own handwriting sometimes. so sorry for the illegibility though! haha, shall work on it the next time round.

i myself didn't receive any this year, since its more convenient for people to just sms each other. haha i only got a note by mail from clare and attached to it a replacement commie chain for the one that i lost last month. haha thanks though, even if it isn't really a hari raya card! haha. at least something came through the mail.

anyway yesterday i dropped by fab's house. he went to china last week and bought me communist stuffs from there. a whole lot of things. especially the huge ass mao zedong posters. oh and i have an english little red book! and a mao bag, a mao lighter, a mao pendant clock and mao badges. everything mao!

so mistake me for having a morbid perversion for all things communist. its just a simple fascincation with communism, especially soviet russia. imagine how such a ideology that many believed could never work but could scare the whole globe for 50 years or so. everyone was so paranoid about whoever was communist, and as far as possible everyone else tried to wipe them out. even though the USSR eventually collapsed, but it's legacy still prevails. and people still fear communism, even though they know it's an ideology doomed to fail.

and communism has thar fervour, the nationalistic fervour, the patriotic fervour. that was able to drive home the point to masses that live in then USSR n China. that was able to galvanise the masses in the efforts of building up the country. of achieving the communist utopia. amazing isn't it? such an ideology could drive millions to actually conslave themselves for the good of the nation.

but i'm not a commie, strictly speaking. i just find the whole commie thing fascinating and interesting. haha. someday i shall go to moscow and probably st. petersburg and collect even more relics from the days of the USSR! haha stalins mini-statuettes, badges, uniform, propaganda posters and what not! haha. someday i hope i can go!

so to all of you, apologies to anyone whom i've hurt through my actions and words.

and with that selamat hari raya!

rock climbing

my body is aching right now.

firstly, i went to the gym for the first time since before i enlisted yesterday and had a short workout that lasted around 40 minutes maybe?

secondly today i went indoor rock climbing for the 1st time ever! with hisham and marcus. at this place at rangoon road. oh i suck at climbing, it's real hard when you've got no strength. gripping is so hard, and i'm now having callouses at my finger joints. now the pain has subsided though.

but rock climbing is a real eye opener for me. for someone who would rather laze around, it's quite interesting actually. to actually challenge yourself and see how far you can climb. i couldn't really scale that far, since i'm quite a novice, and i'm really not that cut out for this. but actually i realised what they said is true - gripping is one thing, but actually footwork is very crucial too. it helps to ease the pain exerted by the body on the hand actually.

but i kept falling down on the mattress. haha i guess my arms are too small. well that's what hafizah said - "yusri looks bigger now, but his arms are still small." i was like what?haha. what a comment. but it's true i guess. must beef up my arms! they look so spaghetti-like to me!haha.

must work out, hit the weights, probably climb around abit more here n there, and then i'll have the "i jsut came out of NS" body. haha. but the thing is i'm so darn freaking lazy.

anyway, on second thoughts i might just want to matriculate earlier. well i don't want to hang around in the outside world for too long. i want to get back to the 'hit the books' mood again, so that i won't lag behind so much when i come in next year.

ah alot of things on my mind now. things that i need to do next year expecially. all my thought are already on 2007! how i'm gonna organise myself, gonna get things ready for school, gonna do something about the mess in my room, gonna but this and that, gonna change things around etc etc. next year will be quite exciting i feel! can't wait actually for the year's end to come.

for then nightmare will then draw to its closing chapter.

class

so i'm actually blogging from camp now. had to drag my sorry ass just to book in in the morning today. but yesterday was an eventful day.

went down to NUS yesterday with some of my secondary school friends, for that early matriculation talk. found out after all that even if i go matriculate early, i might never graduate earlier. they encouraged us to actually take up the special term as a means of finding our feet back in the study mode, after 2 years of a brain freeze in NS. so in that case i might not marticulate early. i guess i'll find a job first. i might actually work under wesley and make waffles for 1.2K a month. haha.

but i do want to travel. there's a certain yearning in me about travelling. about seeing things i don't see everyday. i wanna go to Eastern Europe! and Moscow and St. Petersburg! but it's too expensive, and i am sure to get lost. furthermore i might have to consume bread all the way through my trip i guess. but i wann go somewhere. reading the trips and expeditions that i read on the SAFRA newsletters seem interesting to me.haha. i might wanna try next year, we'll see how.

and then yesterday night i went to break fast with azhari, rushdy, hatta and shahidah. at this place called ramen ten at jubilee amg mo kio. not too bad, the food. although they didnt give us the dates that we ordered. i ordered some dry ramen, and it tasted quite all right. quite affordable too. ah it's always fun to catch up on each other's life and to reminisce.

and then we chilled at coffee bean at junction 8. by then hatta had left but nurul joined us later on. haha and we had more laughs and alot more discussions. wow, so it means ive met up with them more times this year alone than i had for the past 8 years since i left primary school. for such a ad-hoc and a haphazardly organised outing held by none other than yours truly, the turn out was considered not bad i guess. haha. next time we shall do it once more.

and reeza keeps asking me weird and thought-provoking questions! hmm! haha. very werid and out of the blue type, which baffles me! it's just so....weird.

ah my voice feels so weird too and i've now phlegm in my throat. ah the sickness that has gripped me since friday hasn't gone away. i'm still not 100% yet, probably 75% only?haha.

life is so mundane now. sometimes i feel like just dropping everything down and just run away.

things just seem so meaningless all the time. likes there's no purpose in doing things.

ah i wish all this would just end now.

break

ok so i got to book out for a while. tomorrowing morning gotta head back to camp. i booked out just to tend to a letter from NUS that needed my signature and the letter be posted back to them. and i've got the real driving licence! yeah! although my hair looks retarded in the photo.haha.

on a not so bright side, i almost got charged again in camp. but all should be okay now so worries. it's just disturbing that i'm always inviting trouble to myself without me realising it, and always getting myself into hot soup. i'm not really a troublemaker, it's just that at times i just cannot be bothered with things. either that or i'm just plain unlucky. and i've just found out i might be in hot soup for another incident which is totally not of my fault, nevertheless at the back of my mind i feel abit uneasy. oh well.

and things are getting so mundane. every day in camp is just a dread. things are going at a snail's pace, and sunday feels like a tuesday, monday feels like a saturday. i've lost my sense of time, and everytime i feel very lethargic. coupled with the haze and the boredom of things. i'm totally having the 'whatever!' attitude right now.

been spending alot of time with iman in camp nowadays, he's like a very close buddy to me. in our conversations we have touched on alot of things, and we have agreed on a few things. and 1 things stands out.

the fact that we both find women, or girls, or whatever, to be very ridiculous in nature. or in malay, 'perempuan memang merepek!' really. i can quote specific examples, but as of now i'm already treading on dangerous paths. hence i shall keep them to myselves. but really. nowadays i find the behaviour, the attitude and the mindset of girls to be particularly disturbing. sometimes some girls are hypocrites themselves. and with the emotions and all, it doesn't really helps. one moment they can say they won't do 1 thing, the next moment you see them doing the exact same thing they said they would never do. they expect us to be forgiving when they themselves aren't. some even go back on their words, and never keep their promises. some just have this attitude that simply isn't ladylike. and guys are suppose to please such girls? please la, i think guys got better things to do.

as i say i'm referring to the general female generation as a whole. and i'm not sexist, or an egoist. or do i champion the notion that guys are superior to girls. i just feel that females can never think rationally and sensibly, what with all the emotions and their 'heart vs head' thing, and or their politicking and backbiting whatnot. which results in my phrase - 'perempuan memang merepek'.

which is really true. for all the childish and immature manners of guys nowadays, at least i believe most are level-headed and can think rationally and sensibly. we are not so emotionally unstable i guess.

oh well, like i said, it is just an opinion. so don't throw your kitchen sink at me girls.

as they say, hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.

work

so tomorrow the new batch of recruits will be enlisting. so another 2 months of doing the same thing all over again. on a lighter note, i've benn relieved of ALL my responsibilites and duties! haha. i used to hold several appointments in camp (which i don't see the need to mention) and furthermore, i've been relegated from the role of a platoon sergeant to section commander! haha! that's total relinquishing of my powers, position and responsibilities! but heck. it means i shall have a slightly easier time in camp. i think.

but the training schedule kinda sucks, since most of my saturdays will be spent in camp. can forget about celebrating hari raya too. anyways there's always a hari raya every year. and it is frankly becoming less and less meaningful for me. so heck. at least it's october now, so we are all gearing up for the year's end! there's alot of things to think about for now.

especially my future! whether i want to matriculate earlier, in may instead of in august. there's alot of things the future holds. frankly speaking, i really fear for my future. the market in singapore is getting so saturated. sham mentioned a friends whos got a degree with honours still finding a job, after 6 months of graduationg. with honours! kinda makes me think, how about me?

how will things pan out in the near future? all is so uncertain. that's why sometimes i like to bask in the past. at least it has already happened. but of the future? it's inevitable that one will have to think of it. and the dreams that everyone will have, will the ever be fulfilled?

like mine! i have dreams!

1) i want a BMW! by the age of 35 hopefully?haha

2) i want to go to Europe, and especially Moscow! to see all the relics from the communist era!

3) a class 4 licence! to drive a bus!

4) to be a professor! haha. i really want to go on tv and talk all those things about elections, political developments, you know like those talk shows on CNA! haha

5) a lasik surgery! to correct my poor lazy eyes. (is it possible?)

6) drop by ashburton grove and catch an arsenal match live!(i would have loved to visit the old highbury though...)

abit far-fetched some of them might sound, but i mean who doesn't have such dreams? but it's tough to actually achieve them. it's too unrealistic some of them, if you consider the current situations in singapore today. ah its a dog eat dog world i guess.

times are tough, and they won't get any easier.

oh well, happy fasting everyone!

peters

russell peters is coming to town! this coming weekend!

according to hadi. but i can't make it to see him! i'll be confined in camp this weekend! damn! i like him! fot those of you who don't know him, do yourself a favour and try and download his videos! his really funny. but anyway the cheapest tickets come at $87 anyway. that's quite expensive. but still, it's not like you get to see russell peters live everyday you know. sigh.

on and brighter note, today i met shahidah. the one long lost friend i've been trying to find for the past 10 years. finally after one freaking decade, i've finally seen her again. on children's day at that! essentially she still looks the same like in 1996. apparently so do i, to her, but i really beg to differ. i wonder if another 10 years, we'll still look 20?haha

yup so went over to the national library at bras basah , borrowed some books then walked around till we reach the library @ esplanade. i must clarify. it isn't like we love books, it's just that i would have loved to chat over coffee at starbucks. but its the fasting month! and in the hot afternoon sun, i didnt want to soak in the sun by the river. so library @ esplanade it was.

it's a nice feeling to actually catch up on people's lives, especially of those whom you haven't seen for quite a while. i don't know if a decade is quite a while, but ya there was alot of catching up to do. just sitting down and talk an reminisce. quite fun actually. shahidah never changed. from the posture, to the voice, to the looks. haha. it's remarkable, that fact.

oh yours truly is on duty tomorrow. great, just great.

anyways, to the stranger:

ah! now i now who you are. haha. yup i won't say the name. but its interesting that you read my blog? the other day you said my blog was boring! haha. but thanks anyway for tagging. see you around!

oh and you could probably leave yr blog link? thanks!


oh well.

happy children's day!

it's real funny how i can't remember by primary school song yet i can remember the children's day song. the song that in reality we sing only 6 times in our lifetime.

p sch friends

SHIT!

it's getting on my nerves.

the fact that i really can't remember ALOT of my primary school people.

it's really an obsession! the more i unravel,the more i find out about people that did exist yet i can't recall anything about them! it's extremely annoying. names are just tossed upon me,but somehow i can't put a face to it! it's as if they never existed at all,but the others know them so well.

damn! it's really annoying. ah how i wished my primary school had a yearbook then! it would have probably saved all my troubles and relieve me of my worries! i wonder why they couldn't do so then.

oh wells. at least i've found those who i really wanted to find. like i mentioned earlier, shahidah. wonder how she really looks like now. used to talk to her often back in primary and then suddenly she left school, and 10 years on shes found me through this very blog! and then there's nadhirah too. chatty and very jovial, i find her nice to talk nonsense with. haha. nice gal. and suhaila. just chatted with her just now. so who else can i find??

haha pardon my obsession with this. it's just it has been so long, and i'm really curious to know how everyone's getting along. it fun to see people suddenly change after so long not running into them. oh like emelind, this girl from my class in jc for the 1st 3 months. shes now like totally changed! from a quie,t aloof, plump and the bookworm type of gal, shes now changed to 1 hot thang! the transformation is so drastic! it's really unbelievable, the changes. is amazing.

i think i should try and start reading again. hisham's hooked on reading now, so i better follow suit. my command of english now is really disapproving. horrendous! but i can't find books that i like. i only like to read books by agatha christie, that also when she writes on hercule poirot. that's all. on and of course, sherlock holmes. what weird tastes i have, you might say. oh well, i only like to read such classic thriller or rather mystery novels.

why? because they emphasise on the thought process. i mean during the victorian age there wasn't like the use of DNA or any type of forensic science involved. so it's amazing to me how poirot and holmes can solve mysteries just by using the method of thought and logic. find me weird, but it's all fascinating. the da vinci code doesn't really capture my imagination anyway. and i've yet to read it though. but it's too thick for my liking.

to the beautiful stranger:

seriously, i wonder who you are. and i really thank you for the advice. i'm really normally unlike this, and it was really a sudden outburst of things. usually i can take it in my stride. now things are picking up again. but really, i wanna know who you are. i'm sure you know how it bugs me that i can't recall any of my primary school friends. and since we've apparently crossed paths b4, i would like to think i can remember you! and thanks for tagging! haha.

but really.

who are you, beautiful stranger?

licence

to stranger:

whoever you may be

yup, you're right. it was just an irrational outburst. oh well, just had to let go of all the things bottling up inside. actually there ain't not bottomless pit. thanks for your words anyway, though it would be nice if you could really identify yourself? i mean i'm seriously always open to constructive criticisms.

but really. life's now has become better. because of 3 main things.

1) i finally can drive LEGALLY! finally i've passed my class 3 traffic police test. n i can drive legally! haha hell yeah. after the last traffc polic test 1 and a half years ago (it is THAT long), finally i've passed it on the 2nd attempt. my circuit was perfect, save for that emergency brake. but my road was quite horrible. frankly speaking as i drove i wasn't sure if i was gonna pass, since the tester didn't even bother to tick my mistakes as i went along. only towards the end then he made notes on the checklist - and i PASSED! yeah! 16 points! quite alot actually,but heck - the main most important thing is that i've PASSED! haha. although the car won't come so soon though. dad won't buy 1, so i guess i'll have to wait out 15 years for that elusive BMW?haha. dream on balls! till then i can only drive people mad i guess.

2) my obsession with finding my primary school friends. progress has been a blast. found back shahidah, the one girl i've been trying to find since she transferred out at the end of primary 4. and that's like 10 years ago. that's a freaking decade, balls! and she found me! so elated! finally the search ends! and i've found nadhirah, a friend from all the way back in primary 1! whos face i can still recognise. haha. and a few others, whom i've found on friendster and the sort. wow it's quite amazing actually to see how people have grown up over the past 8 years or so. the changes for some are really drastic! haha,or rather for most of them. i wish i could meet more of them. and see if they can remember me.

the most irritating thing is that people remember me but not so vice versa. it so freaking pisses me off! haha. to think i was so low profile then. haha but the photos noriza supplied me have been very useful! thanks man for the pictures! and the help people have extended to me. it's all been really helpful. but i wanna find even more of them! haha.

3) well, i don't think i can mention this, though it really takes a huge burden of my shoulder! haha but is okay, i'll keep it to myself.

but so far things have been a blast. life's gone back to normal now. haha. ok so till then.

low

i'm at my lowest ebbs now.

i've had enough. one moment i can be happy, then the next moment things take a turn for the worst.

WHY?

i'm starting to lose confidence in myself. i'm starting to hate myself for what i am and for what i'm not.

fad's right. we are all nobody. unlike those who can fork out the money to get a place in the london imperial college, or who can drive a bmw 7 series to school, or have enough money to open a few bottles on a night out. fad's really right. at the end of the day, study so hard and get a degree, we'll still have competitors. even in school we are all struggling. what makes us think we can stand out?

especially me.

what do i have? or what don't i have?

i'm just a freaking 3rd sgt whos been charged before.
whos always getting fucked by my superiors.
who isn't well liked and popular among the recruits.
who will never get promoted.
who always cocks up his job.
who can't drive, not even ride a bike.
who doesn't know a thing abt IT and computers.
who can't sing.
who can't play soccer.
who can't swim.
who can't excel in sports.
who can't really talk.
who can't get along well with everyone.
who can never get the girls.

why? simply because i'm a LOSER, and a NOBODY. fad's right. no matter how hard we try, we will always lose out to other people who's always better in 1 way or another. what would the opposite see in us anyway?

or me at least. i can't even raise my own spirits up.

must it always happen to me? i wonder why. same shit, different day. and it always happens.

is it just me?

i just feel like fading away.

nothing i do is ever right.

you know what? i don't care.

if people wanna be selfish then i don't see why i shouldn't be selfish too.

why be nice when people don't even appreciate it at all?

you know what?

i give up.

i give up on myself and whatever hopes and dreams i have held all these while.

regular

this whole week i've been booking in and out of camp every single day. the total journey to and fro takes up to 4 hours, and sometimes i don't even spend even 2 hours in camp. so much of the time wasted is on unnecessary travelling. booking in and out in the uniform some more! like i'm some regular.

oh last weekend had dinner with azhari and hatta, the primary school friends! haha. but after that dinner i've got a new obsession - finding back as many old primary school friends as possible. challenging assignment! it's hard when 1) there wasn't any yearbook when i was in primary school, 2) i have poor memory! when azhari and hatta was blabbering off names like nobody's business i felt left out, 'cause i can't remember most of them! even later when rushdy came along and we talked even more i realised i really can't remember much. so the mission is to find back as many as i can! haha.

because two days ago in the train on the way to booking in i saw this very attractive girl. and i'm quite sure she's of my age and from my primary school. but i couldn't approach and enquire because 1) the train was packed, and 2) i was in my army uniform! but she was hot! haha. but it made me think, that i can't remember the name! you see, i'm more interested in finding those who were in my malay class, or any of the other malay people. because i cant still remember almost all of my classmates, but not those who sat in my malay class! and i want to get back in touch with them! but how? they're probably like so wild now, or totally changed in their looks. haha.

and i realised i miss STUDYING! weird as it seems. but yea! i miss those days when what i had to do was just study and study, not because i liked it so much but more of that's basically what i had to do! there wasn't like anything else for me to worry about, except getting good grades. then everydya would be spent jus chasing and racing for seats at woodlands library and the study the whole day away! haha. life was so simple back then. totally unlike what i've heard about university life.

fasting month next week! good time to repent! i've been a rebel this whole year. a menace.

busy

this week's been a blast so far. 2 days ago republic polytechnic students came by to the camp for a visit, and i had to speak as an emcee to them. haha i was actually very nervous, but heck! i just spoke whatever i had in mind and i think it turned out okay. after the whole thing me sham, iman and epind went to town to chill. and talk about life.

hisham and me come from totally different kinda lifestyles and backgrounds i guess, but we always talk. haha from never ever talking at all way back in school to now being good friends. but at least i've like a close group of friends in camp now, to just talk away the time whenver i'm bored haha.

mamboed last nite wth fad and yong! 1st time in like a month? missed the feeling. but the place was ultra-packed. those with a weak heart would have probably hyperventilated. it was so packed there wasn't space to move at all. but it was fun haha. i pity yong though, sorry man it turned out bad for you. sometimes you get lucky, other times you don't. oh well.

arrgh but its frustrating. i LOST my commie chain, the 1 clarissa gave me! ergggh! so frustrating! it snapped halfway last night and i could only retain the chain! was furiously searching the floor for the pendant but it was in vain! boo hoo. the chain was real nice but aiya, i guess i gotta go find a replacement for it then. so sad.

tomorrow got duty, saturday dinner with the primary school mates! haha i'm not attached but almost everyday there's always something to do with someone outside. i wonder why.

prada

ah so after like 5 days of not being in camp i'm booking in later. so not used to being in camp already.

oh yesterday dined at swensens at with clare tyan and jeremy. just a small dinner and then followed by catching the 12am movie at cineleisure. clare, jeremy and me caught 'the devil wears prada' . well personally the movie is worth the money spent, and it did highlight to me a few points. the whole movie is rally about choices in life, and how you want to live your life, and not what people think about how your life should be played out. and also how balancing work and your personal life is important, and at the end of the day, one must always believe in one's values of life. the movie actually taught me several lessons of life, although it might not have the same effect like the rest.

and clare bought me 'something that was so yusri' for my birthday. haha and i really thought it could have been something to do with adidas. haha but no, it turned out to be a pendant with a chain. the pendant bore that oh-so-fmaous hammer and sickle sign! haha its really nice man, thanks alot! might not cost much but the thought of it all...i like it very very much, it's quite cool!

that's like my 1st birthday gift for quite a while.in fact the last 1 was in 2003! haha not that i mind, since on your birthday you just turn a year older and that's all! i mean you just can't drop everything on your birthday and not work right? haha...but ok la, at least this year i wasn't studying or in camp or doing anything else.

gotta go ready for book in. BORING!

20

the young boy just turned twenty...

haha! wow quite a number of people wished me this year, i've no idea why! ok la maybe its because of the colleagues. but still...i don't get that much birthday wishes anyway. still thanks to all who've wished me! haha baba's msg was too early, 5 mins early in fact!

and everyone's asking how i celebrated my birthday. frankly, i don't. or rather i've never. i remeber last year the day was spent in camp and in training i had to run 7km. and then in 2004 i remember going to school and studying history with irma, because prelims were like just next week, and i had no choice.

was supposed to club yesterday, but the colleagues pulled out. they didn't feel like they would have fun, so they decided on just chilling out. haha i mean if i had told them it was my birthday we'd have probably ended up in phuture, but anyways sometimes i just like to indulge in the all-time favourite pastime of the malays - hanging around and chatting the day(or rather night away).

after i met sha i went to esplanade to meet up with yong,ismail and nas, can consider among the closest of the colleagues that i have. then we talked all the way till 3am, and i lernt so many shocking things from them regarding a certain issue. it totally throws new light upon the whole issue. damn shocking! haha. but i mean sometimes you just need to chill and sit down, and just catch up on each other's lives. and i got a free ride home on ismail's car! haha.

so i spent the whole day doing nothing. won yet another european championship on winning 11, and thn spent the whole afternoon just installing my new and free lcd flat screen 17' inch computer, and my all-in-1 canon pixma printer! and suddenly the whole system looks like it's gone through extreme makeover! hell yeah, my aim of revamping the whole system has been achieved! only left the speakers, but my speakers are like 8 years old and still in perfect working condition!

and idiot me, i thought all along my wireless keyboard was spoilt after a while. and today itested it out, its STILL IN PREFECT WORKING CONDITION! errgh meaning all this while i've been so foolish! so it seems like something new also has been added to the whole system! i don't know why, but i feel proud of this system! it's like super impressive personally, and it makes me feel good! it looks less messy with lesser wires, and lesser bulk too.

oh well,the day's passed peacefully. thanks to all who've wished me.

and i realised, almost everyday in september contains birthdays of people i know. yea we virgos rule!

appraisal

so my recruits have just passed out. another batch has ended. 1 more to go! haha. oh wells. i know i've not really been blogging the past month. it's just that firstly, i'm getting kinda lazy. secondly, there's nothing worth blogging about actually. so i'll just sum up what has happened so far.

last saturday i went to the comex straightaway after booking out. bought this photo all in 1 canon printer worth $179! haha i think i got myself quite a good bargain. but what to do with my current epson one, i don't know. but the canon pixma looks good. quite huge too, i had to lug it all the way home on a freaking trolley! and it came with cute speakers in the shape of 2 frogs, free! but i've yet to install it anyway, i'll probably do it the day after tomorrow.

oh and dad won this flat screen lcd computer monitor in a lucky draw! how cool is that eh? freaking cool lah! i mean its FREE! and it coincided with the purchase of the new printer. so basically, the upgrading of my cmputer system is virtually complete! ive changed my cpu, my printer, my mouse & keyboard(the keyboard got spoilt though), my screen! only left with the speakers, which ain't really important. oh and i got one of those bluetooth dongle, the ones that enables yr computer to be bluetooth enabled! it's quite cool know, so to those who haven't, GO GET ONE NOW! it's quite cheap, i got mine at only $12!

and i went with sha that same evening to the ucc at NUS to catch a malay contemporary dance performance. actually it was an interpretive dance lah. with scary effects here and there, but it was good overall. a valiant effort. i wonder how people can dance straight for over an hour. must have taken months and months of practice. my 1st time seeing an interpretive dance item, and it was quite an eye opener to me actually.

it hasn't been a good week for me in camp. the secret's out - im really the lowest rated commander in my company. apparently the recruits rate me very lowly. and the appraisal done by my recruits do seem to suggest so. i've been described as 'lazy','not spending enough time with the recruits' & 'slack'. my appraisal has been getting worse and worse ever since i came into this company. it's quite dampening to know that you do alot of behind-the-scences work yet people don't know how to appreciate it.

on a personal level, i admit i'm lazy. i know myself. but to say im lazy in my work? i think that's rather damning. nobody knows how much paperwork i have to do. the recruits always think i'm holing up in the office because i'm lazy and can't be bothered. they never know what happens behind the closed doors. the never know what appointments we hold, and never know the amount of workload we have. i have expectations and deadlines to meet, which the recruits will never know. they never know that i am among the busiest commanders in the company, and all they know is to rate me on the surface. they don't know me personally, and yet they expect things to happen from me when i'm so busy. can everyone please give me a break?

those who don't know me will know me as that stuck-up looking guy. because i don't like to talk to strangers and don't really mingle. i remember hasan telling me in jc, that he didn't really ike my face because i had a stuck-up face. its true. and the recruits seem to think so. they seem to think i'm a creature with no hear and with no feelings. which is totally not true. they don't know me. i don't treat recruits as my friends because they ARE recruits. this whole things is just another issue that just kinda makes me feel fucked up about myself. i know i got alot of things i'm weak at, but it isn't as if everyone's god damn perfect.

and i hate being faulted for things that isn't my fault. it has happened so many times, and i'm getting sick of it. things that aren't my fault becomes my business. i hate it alot. i hate it alot, really. i don't know what's wrong. it's okay if no one appreaciates what i do, but please when things go wrong, must it all come back to me? i swear one fine day i'll just flip. can everyone please just give me a break?

and today is the 6th of september. 7 years ago my beloved maternal grandpa passed away suddenly due to a sudden asthma attack. i remember the date because he passed away a day shy of my my 13th birthday. it caught all of us by surprise. i remember wailing so loud after i received the call from the relatives, since the whole family was out. when i think of him, i do regret never spending much time with him. he didn't know any english, but i know he loved his grandchildren alot. i wasn't his favourite, but i'm quite sure he loved me and my sister very much. when he was much younger, he had an obsession with motorcycles, i was told. had quite a few at any 1 time, including the classics like nortons and the sort. actually i miss being cuddled by him since he was the only one other than my mom to do so. i hope he's really resting in peace somewhere now, and i wish God grant him mercy and pardon him for any mistakes he's done if any.

long time

wow, i just realised i haven't updated this blog for almost a month. sorry for hiatus, was busy and lazy. anyway i haven't had much to talk about anyways.

just got home from town, an d finally i've found that elusive white belt i've been wanting! got it at $23 at topman wisma atria. finally, a belt that looks like it's worth the price! definitely looks better than that quiksilver one i had in mind. the guys really shopped just now, buying tees and pants. and i'm still finding a sock for my new handphone. my mobile's too small for most of the normal socks. oh well, at least i've got the belt!

haha and the guys want to make me go through a makeover. i must admit, when it comes to fashion, i'm totally an ass about it. i just have no sense of style or fashion. blame it on me not wanting to experiment with new concepts. actually it's more of me being oblivious and the 'i can't be bothered' mindset. start with my hair 1st, they say. i guess they're right. my hair really sucks and i've never bothered to do anything about it. i wear pants too high and that are long, shirts that are uncool and so on. haha but such makeovers need quite abit of investment. but it's ok. i just wanna look different come the time when i say hello to school again. different hairstyle, nice looking pants and tops, cool specs, and i'm thinking of slip-ons. but it might be abit too mat though. surely after these years i must change somehow. as oxymoron goes, change is constant.

went out to east coast the day after national day with the classmates. had a ball of a time i must say. haven't seen them since march. me,gq,tw,thomas,jeremy,fang and eunice cycled after lunchtime, then the girls left. clare joined after lunch and after that we went to kayak. haha jeremy wanted to kayak to the nearest ship n touch it and make a u-turn. of course we couldn't do so but other then that it was fun. just paddling around without any real direction in the sea. after that hang around by the beachside, followed by dinner at kenny rogers. and i got a real surprise when xingyi suddenly joined us for dinner.

other than that, the real sore point was the pathetic attendance. im not being sexist or what, but the girls are a troublesome lot. i don't see why they can't take time off just to come down when they are on holidays. it's not like we meet every week or even month. if the 5 of us guys can even take time off from our commitment to defending the motherland and come down, there's simply no excuse for the girls. and the excuses they give, some of them i just can't accept. excuses, excuses! and at the end of the day i get accused of something that i didn't even do! even xingyi came down for awhile!(a thousand points to her!)and shes working as an air stewardess you know, not even on hols like the girls! they are really a troublesome lot.

after the outing rushed home and changed and went to dbl o. after the outing everything just went wrong for me, and the day ended on a sour note. ah life sucks, and it seems to be getting more and more bleak. that's why i rather think back of the old times, bask the past glories and reminisce, rather then think about the uncertainty of the future.

and i'm still annoyed about the class girls. still so pissed about them.

pirate

ah i just got back from the royal plaza on scotts. my oc wanted to treat us because of his promotion to the rank of captain. i didn't eat that much anyway. oh and i caught the pirates of the caribbean before. it was such a long movie! and the end was abrupt, yet again! just like that french movie i caught. and the ending means that we've to catch the 3rd instalment, which apparently stars chow yun fatt as a pirate form singapore. if i got that right. but yea, singapore will be mentioned more significantly apparently.

went back to ajc on friday night for a drama that the mldss conjured up. went there with baba, and met up there with the rest. haha it feels weird going back to the old school. nothing's much has changed. but i saw alot of familiar faces, and even faces i never ever wanted to see again. and even though i never had a good grasp of my own mother tongue in the first place and never really understood the show(like everyone else!), it was a valiant effort. and i could see the actors were having fun. just like i was, back in school. everyday having fun in 1 way or another. made me kinda think back about school, about how happy-go-lucky i was, how i always liked to laze around and always on the look-out for that certain someone...those were the days man!

and now im known as the grinding boy. yeah thanks man. think everyones feels i'm obsessed with grinding. haha. well come to think about it, lester's right you know. after a night of clubbing, you really feel it is all a waste of time. which is true. that's how i feel. actually what's the purpose of it all anyway? for me it is an alternative avenue to let loose of myself. then you'll always go home with that wasted feeling somehow. either it's a waste of money, or you just didn't grind enough, or you didn't get that girl's number etc etc. it's all a waste in one way or another. but seriously, it's an avenue for me to let loose.

haha but i think i better start thinking of other ways to let loose. should pick up that bass and start jamming again.

mc

ah i got a mc for myself today today. that's like the fisrt mc for me in well over a year, the last time being june last year. but being the cock that i am, i actually thought so much about the mc until i forgot to take the medicine. luckily it was only panadol and flu medicine.

well it helps me to get a breather. i think the persistent headaches are caused by 1 thing - dangerously low levels of sleep. wow i really owe myself lots and lots of sleep. i need 2 sleep alot more because even now i feel lethargic. at least the saving grace is that the world cup is over! another 4 more years in south africa, by then i'll be in university, hopefully being able to continue into the 4th year. anyways italy won! haha i slept through the match, only waking up to catch the score being 1-0 to france, then sleeping again. and just nice i woke up to see both teams getting ready to take penalties. wow imagine how much inportant hours of sleep i would have missed out if i actually stayed up. but the azzuris looked more calm then the french when taking penalties. you could just see it in their faces. i mean even trezeguet looked nervous. you could tell he was always gonna miss. so congrats to italy. and zidane wins the best player award even though he got sent off! if you ask me, that's pure madness.

and a shoutout to yan wen - yeah! yr azzuris won in e end. i guess yr sppt finally paid off. i still remember when we were in sec4, in 2002, you actually hung a small italy flag on your bag and went around with it. open display of loyalty. still can't beat fairus though, who actually sew a huge turkey flag (it was huge, it's around twice the size our flag that we hang outside our blocks). or rather i think his mum helped him sew. jus a simple crescent and a start against a red cloth. and i can't believe he actually brought to school and showed it to us and paraded it around, draping it on his back. personally i thought it was stupid, but hey at least they got 3rd place the last time round. haha, i guess the world cup makes us do the stupidest of things.

oh went to irma's bro's wedding yesterday. when with liza(who's supposed to be my date, but i think in the end i hooked up w/ fazlin more), rahman and julia(or juliana, more appopriately) and rizal and noriza. it was crazy. haha it was fun la just going out for a while after so long. and then we were discussing among us, who would get hitched first. i guess we were all unanimous in the matter. haha i think in a few years' time i'll just be attending quite a few weddings of my friends. haha it will just be an interesting experience.

i wonder when mine will come. ah i think i'll get that bmw 1st. chey! talk is cheap.

headache

had a splitting headache the whole of yesterday night. and can you believe it, i fell asleep right after half time of yesterday's match. and missed all the 4 goals! dammit! errggh!so frustrating! and i can still feel some sort of a headache now. no idea why.

and i did something crazier last week. clubbed 2 nights in a row. 1st at zouk on wednesday night with my colleagues, then thursday night at MoS with hadi n liza. i think its crazy haha. burns a big hole in my pocket. and i think i won't go to MoS so soon. had a very bad impression of the place. oh and clare finally clubs! haha but she says she won't go again any time soon. damn! means my search for a female clubbing partner shall continue! haha. well at least if we wanna club next time we can hop on ismail's blue mitsubishi lancer! haha.

and my search for that elusive white belt is also eluding me. i've probably been to almost of the flash and splash shops, and the quiksilver and billabong shops. and the belts are so expensive! even a black belt from levi's is cheaper. is it worth buying a belt that is white on both sides so its reversible, when it costs $69.90? i seriously cannot accept the point of buying a belt that costs more expensive than all of my jeans. and i don't know why discounts don't apply to the belts. that just kinda sucks.

and this splitting headache is coming back. i can feel it. probably due to lack of sleep. and it's really irritating me. and i'm not really the kind of person that has prolonged headaches. this is really the 1st time ever. and i wonder why.

dos

am still sick. still coughing up phlegm, and the mucus is still dripping. damn.

anyway this morning i was at ubin. i kinda swore i would never ever set foot on that island that is the cousin of tekong, but i did. thanks to army. had this cohesion thingy organised by my camp, where we had to walk around the island and find checkpoints, something like an amzing race. well ubin didnt really feel 'ubin-ny', as what i saw on tv. well, maybe i didn' relaly have a look at the real ubin.

anyway dad's got a weird fascination with clocks. like me with alice bands. or rather girls who wear them. anyways, yes, he has a weird fascination for clocks. he's always like buying new clocks, and just keeps shifting the clocks around the house. funny. i think we got all kinds of clocks in the house before. i think we're only short of an atomic clock, that's all.

and woo hoo! ENGLAND and BRAZIL are OUT! hell yeah! my predictions were spot on! but the semis are gonna like so hard to predict. i guess all 4 teams will just fight tooth and nail to get to the final. i mean, it's not like everyday you play in a world cup final you know.

that's why i think the togolese players are damn stupid. willing to boycott a world cup game just because their FA couldn't pay them what they demanded? hallo, it's Togo you know, not some oil rich country like Saudi Arabia where even oil flows out of your taps.

money makes the world go round. money is the root of all evil. no money no talk.

must everything really concern money?

sick

ive just recovered from some mystery virus. i'm quite sure it's some sort of virus. because 1 by 1 my colleagues in camp is falling sick, and they all show somewhat similar mysterious symptoms. it was so weird. on thursday i was just lying in bed in camp and suddenly my nasal passage felt weird, my stomach churned like a grinder, and my head started to spin like a top. every now and then when i walked around, i just felt like sitting down.and yes, when i got home i really felt sick. i had a temperature then, so 100% confirmed - i was sick. but by friday i was ok.

managed to go out w/ hadi on friday afternoon. haha we caught scary movie 4 at cineleisure. all i can say is the movie is quite funny, because of the slapstick humour and the spoofs it contained. i was worried i wouldn't understand the movie because of the spoofs, but it was all right. but overall it was quite a forgettable movie, since you just laugh on the spot because of its slapstick nature. only 1 or 2 scenes were really really funny. carried on walking around, and somehow at night we just ended up clubbing at mos. in the smoove room. which was uber-packed, with guys. errgh. and the cage. it's so stupid. they should just remove it. 1 day another hillsborough disaster will jus occur i tell you.

watched the anugerah skrin finals? that's the first time i really watched the show. and guess what? the female winner was actually a former neighbour of mine. she's still living at same premises, it was my family that moved out. huda's same age as me, although i wasn't really close to her. but i remember during school holidays if i was bored i would go down to her house and play aorund with her siblings. and her i think. haha. but 1 thing about her that never changed is her voice. it's still the same. and the eyebrows? i dunno. didn't know she had the habit of playing with it.

oh and mum said something funny to me. she says akhmar, 1 of the female finalist in the show, actually used to help out her own mum sell minced meat at the marsiling wet market. probably she still does, i dunno. i think that's a real meteoric rise to stardom. mum's just always gotta tell me these kinda funny funny stories.

oh and holland qualified for the 2nd round! yeah! at least it gives me a longer time to put on that orange jersey of mine! haha. but they are up against portugal. that kinda sucks. but hopefully they'll coast through. but the world cup has been a phenomenal event. even in camp they've issued reminders, telling us not too be too engrossed in the world cup till we neglect our responsibilites. and my colleagues been betting and betting betting. suddenly everyone is just tuned in to the world cup. even mum.

but it's fun. every night the same things happen. we'll just quickly finish our work before the match starts, and all of us will just gather in 1 bunk and watch the match together. it's quite fun actually. i've never really watched a match with so many friends around me before. then we all can laugh or boo at the players together. it's real fun. but then none of us ever stays up awake all night and morning. haha. oh and i caught this on news. some major retail store said there was an 80% increase in the purchase of antennas. what funny news.

that said, how come channel 5 still dare advertise themselves as the official licenced broadcaster of the world cup? fuck they only screened the opening match and later on the semis onwards. tell me how official can that be if you only screen like 6 out of 64 matches. that's utterly pathetic.

grind

i did another crazy thing today. or rather yesterday through today.

yes yes, i'm turning very wild. many have commented as such. i'm being frank. i'm not really the same old yusri anymore. i'm not the old yusri that everyone used to know. i've changed somewhat. not much, but i'm admit i'm getting wilder and crazier. but everything has its limits. so as far as i'm concerned i feel i still ahve control over myself, that i can still think straight and sensibly. personally, i feel. don't know about you people. the change in me might just turn people away from me. i hope not though.

as i was saying, before i was rudely interrupted by myself, i did a very crazy thing. i clubbed at zouk yet again and booked into camp in the morning and sorted out my things in camp. i think that is simply crazy. me, is, fad, les, bryan, zhiwei, hadi, liz went to phuture for some hip-hop clubbing. uber-packed! i ended up being squeezed every now and then. but very fun. haha the guys really go wild when we go clubbing. but the fights occurred frequently. it always spoils the night. and i managed to dance with this girl for a while. very very sweet and pretty. a chinese girl that looked malay. but alas no introduction was made by me, since i hate to shout at the top of my voice just to talk to someone. furthermore i was crazy at that time. just anyhow screaming out the songs that the dj spinned. it probably made the girl have a bad impression of me, as if i was drunk. hell, i'm a teetotaller for the record.

at 3 plus we had supper at river valley. after that me and is caught the first train to pasir ris. but i just couldn't sleep. in fact its 2pm+ now and i've yet to sleep. now i don't feel tired at all. but last nite i swear i had a complete workout. my body was kinda drenched. wow i felt damn lethargic thne, but now still ok. went back to camp to clean my table and sort things out.

so basically i had no sleep the whole night. but i'm still ok. for now. i better get some sleep before i owe myself more sleeping debts. and tomorrow my recruits are going to enlist. 3 days after the previous batch passed out. damn it. can't watch much of the world cup then. what to do? life has to go on anyway. and i'm still thinking thinking of that girl that i danced with. errghh and i couldn't even ask for her name.

anyway this clubbing thing. one day it will just have to stop for good. les is right. it's actually a total waste of time, or rather, it's as if you didn't do anything the whole night. one fine day it will jus stop when i get tired of it all. i know it's wrong, but i find it an interesting way to distress. rather then smoking? or smoking sheesha? or even down yourself in alcohol. i fidn clubbing really allows you to let loose and really laugh around with your friends. i know most will find it wrong. as i've said, i know some might just look down on me. if my mum finds out she'll just be crushed.

i can't keep lying forever. someday this nonsense will jus have to stop. it is all really aimless and unbeneficial. and i don't want to see myself as a failed child. because i'm not and never will be.

the child

last weekend, or rather last saturday night, was spent watching a movie. FINALLY! broke my duck. haven't watched any since june 2005. pathetic. anyways i was supposed to catch paradise now, this story about palestinian suicide bombers. but the tickets got sold out so fast, we had settle for this french movie l'enfant (the child) at the cathay. well the cathay is still very deserted anyway. only 3 shops have started operations as far as i can remember. watched the movie eith fab,sarah and fazlin anyway. the movie had a particularly abrupt ending that i'm still bothered about.

anyway, yesterday i booked out late from camp. after camp met up with ismail, hang out at town for a while then i met up with hadi and liza. oh and shikin, and faaizah and syaza. back to the good old days man! it's like 7 years ( that's a damn long time to me) ago that we met for the first time as calssmates back in secondary school. and everyone's gone a long way since then. everyone's really changed man. it's just nice to just think about the funny things that we did and happened way back in those days gone by.

anways, here it comes, the great singapore sale! started it off by buying 3 agatha christie books from kinokuniya yesterday. 20% off storewide! better go get hold of those books you all really wanna to buy! i think i better take some off days to just go shopping! but now i'm still very very busy! it's been non-stop work for the past 2 months, and things are looking bleak anyway. so what a better to chase the stress away than to shop!

anyway yesterday i had a conversation with this stranger at kinokuniya, a malay man probably in his 40s. asked me for $2 for a ride home on the bus, i gave him only $1. apparently he thought i was a malay-chinese (which is probably the biggest joke shikin will ever hear of). but he went on to ask some questions:
the man: how come there's no malays here in the bookstore?
me: oh, no malays will ever come here actually.
the man: then what about you and me? aren't we malays?
me: i mean, very little malays will ever come here.
the man: see, that's why i didnt think you were a malay at first. because i thought here there were only the chinese and foreigners.
me: yea, there's alot of chinese around at this place.
the man: how come?
me: this is just not the place for malays to come. anyway many of them don't like to read i guess.

the conversation carried on to something else that i can't remember. told ismail later on and when we left kinokuniya and exited taka through the main door, and i saw soo many malays jus hanging around at the fountain area.

i mean, come on, no wonder we don't like to read! we always while the time away doing alot of nonsensical things that just to bring any benefits. me included. but i think there's always a line to draw.

some people are just too much. i'm talking to you, you slut.

cousin

ok so yesterday i went to my aunt's house to see the new cousin. the 1 that i didn't know i had. well the name's aiman. and he's still reddish. very cute though. i mean, aren't all babies cute? duh! so he's like 20 years my junior, so when he's happily serving the nation defending the motherland, i'll probably have kids of my own. haha.

so it was a small get-together. got to see my other cousins too. there's this 1 who's only 1 yr old, and she looks so chinese. but she's cute. at least she interacts. and smiles and gaggles when she's enjoying it. you know, some infants just have some sort of attitude problem, with that "don't even bother looking at me" look. like this other cousin i have. she's 2 years old by now, and yet i haven't seen her smile or talk. but apparently when none of us are around she's like any other child - the hyperactive sort.

oh. i didn't mention - the 3 cousins i just mentioned about, are all siblings. borne by the same aunt. plus 3 more siblings, who are slighytly grown up. and it all adds up to 6.

6??? to me its plain crazy. 6??? there's too many. 6 small young children in a household will just drive everyone mad. coupled with the financial issues. it's a tad too overboard. to me at least. oh well, at least now i have 11 cousins (i think) on the paternal side. the maternal side? heck, i can't even remember most of their names. some i don't even remember their faces. i can't put an exact figure to the number i have anyway. probably close to 20. i don't know. it's plain pathetic.

anyways managed to catch the fa cup final. first half at least. dad wouldn't hear of me staying around first to watch the match till the end. i thought pool were goners, but in the end they won. although the goals they conceded were kinda lame.

and today berita minggu came up with an article on clubbing. supposed to make me feel guilty? i just went to zouk on friday night, on vesak day. got scolded by my parents for coming home so very late. but didn't tell them where i went. that's madness. anyway i went with hadi n liz, and fadzry and his friends. was quite fun actually. they were playing hip hop and r&b. at least it's something i can identify with. that's why i had fun. real easy to let loose if you've got the right people around you.

but i'll probably have to curb my wild side anyway. just can't help it. i've changed abit, i admit. but some things still remain the same. i don't know. firstly i'm really on alot of pressure at work. sometimes i just want to scream out loud because work is really stressful. i need to let loose somehow. i'll go mad soon enough. i'm simply a ticking time bomb, just waiting to explode.

anytime now.

ifc

ah. finally i'm back. had a stupid fieldcamp from last saturday till friday. got attacked like mad from the mosquitoes. stupid reclaimed land. by nightfall my face was disfigured beyond recognition. i was afraid my mum wouldn't recognise her only son when i got back. haha. but really, i don't remember ever getting attacked so badly before. my face had alot of bites from the mozzies. but now my skin itches like mad. my arms,hands and legs have small red marks that itch like mad. it's not heat rash, but its really irritating and itchy.

but throughout the seven days, i was quite tired. in fact i still am. although i did manage to make friends with the medic and the driver. i realised that shahril, the medic, had quite a few common things about us. haha. and darren, the driver, is really a very interesting guy. bascially i spent the day just talking cock to pass time with the two of them whenever i was bored.

so just now i was bored, so i decided to drop by fab's house to learn bass tabs. i hate to spend my saturday afternoons and evenings at home. that's the thing about my weekend. oh and i really hate my weekends burned in camp! haha. so i went all the way to bedok reservoir (i don't mind the distance, so long as i get to go out). played winning 11 first, and i got trashed 14-1 in 1 game! don;t ask me what happened, i'm completely clueless too! i took on barcelona, and fab took on manchester city. yet he managed to get fowler to score 13 goals (gasp!). haha i don't know how come the game was so one-sided. i'm baffled myself! then i watched sex is zero with fab. haha lame comedy, but quite funny. quite a number of sex scenes, but it wasn't really explicit. then after then we finally got to work with the guitars. though it didn't even last an hour.

i had an interesting conversation with mum just now, after i got back from camp. (obviously we didn't converse in english, let alone perfect written english)

mom: make yourself free this vesak day.
me: why?
mom: yr sis wants to go to aunt rita's house.
me: for what?
mom: she wants to see her newborn child, which we haven't gotten to see yet.
me: what? since when did she give birth????
mom: last month, around a month ago. its a boy.
me: so what's the name?

so mom told me the name. which i can't remember. haha. i'm so fucked up nowadays. but wait. i swear man i don't recall my aunt ever being pregnant AGAIN! its only like 3 months ago that i saw her, and i don't recall ever seeing her bloated stomach. and since when did she give birth??? how come i wasn't in the know??? damn it around a month ago i was mostly at home what! haha i'm really still surprised that i actually have a new baby boy cousin. whose name i can't remember.

i'm sop pathetic. totally man. fancy forgetting your new cousin's name. shit i really can't recall it. haha fucked up la yus.