The world's most tactless man


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When our lives ceases to be inward and private, conversation degenerates into mere gossip. - Henry David Thoreau


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yusri supiyan
7th September 1986
student
yusri_4431@hotmail.com


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Saturday, November 21, 2009,10:44 PM

yesterday i lost my mp3 player - but i knew how it went missing. i think i must have unknowingly not put it back properly in my bag and it slipped out on the bus on the way to school. i didn't feel that sad though - i never had any sort of fondness for my current mp3 player. you know when you have things that you didn't really want or like but you have it, you are not really excited in possessing it. well i need an mp3 player really to accompany me while i'm on the go and especially when i'm studying, but i'm not really particularly fond of the one i lost (my original one got replaced with this after they deemed it beyond repair, so it was a one-for-one but not like-for-like exchange).

in any case on the egging of my friends an online report was lodged, and yes no one stole my mp3 player, so this morning i got it back from the lost and found at clementi interchange. i was already planning to buy a new mp3 player already upon the discovery of my loss, but well, maybe i shouldn't be so reckless with my moolahs. in any case i still appreciate the fact that it has been a worthwhile servant to me the past 1 and a half year. i should really update the songs in my mp3 player. although my sister has uploaded some unheard of, probably new songs (with one from aliff aziz-for goodness sake, what the hell is it doing in there in the first place??).

just now when i was peeing a fly-sort of animal was zipping around in the toilet bowl. i didn't really aim my willy so that i could hit the fly with my urine stream but it crashed into the stream anyway. and the next thing i knew, after it banged and got drenched in my urine it just fell into the water in the bowl. if it wasn't drenched the first time now it was. and it died, just like that. i wonder - was it the impact of banging into my urine stream, or the toxicity that killed it?haha. in any case i just thought the whole thing was really funny.

this semester has not been the best for me. all of my term essays brought back Bs except for one, and generally i think i will score mediocre grades this time round. i hope not though. it will totally reverse my efforts at maintaining my cap. but this semester i've really been lazy and unmotivated. this is like my 5th semester, so maybe it's the fatigue? or is it because of the repetitive nature of the semesters that's killing me? either way i fizzle out very fast and can't seem to study like i use to in the past semesters. all i know i can't wait more than ever for these 2 weeks to faster pass. can you believe it, today is only the 1st day of exams but i've heard of one who has already finished exams! envious man.

this cannot go on. must. fight. demons.
Friday, November 13, 2009,10:23 PM

the past week has been topsy-turvy.

the project was finally done. so was the presentation. i stripped in class, but not barebodied - just into singlet and boardshorts. haha. it was a fun presentation, peppering it with sexual slangs and lingo. haha. but most importantly i'm done with that.

whatever misunderstandings that happened earlier this week - i think safely said its all been cleared up, i suppose. i hope you all understand my point of view - in all earnestness, i think it is a fair point of view. but no worries, i think at the end of the day it really is a small matter. my apologies for blowing things up - but i think its important that people got the message. seriously.

last sunday i went for my primary school gathering, at choa chu kang part. had seafood dinner, then we were deliberating where to head to next. after much discussions it was decided that we head to ben and jerry's at night safari! of all places on a sunday night, unplanned at that. then we watched this free show consisting of fire-playing tribal men etc - and the chance came! to enter night safari under the guise of darkness for free, because of shady connections. and there you go. and unplanned trip to night safari, a free trip at that. haha. we saw flying squirrels gliding through the air. fruit bats, leopards, zebras, hyenas, gharials - a whole host of animals! what an amazing night it was. i can't believe we actually entered night safari - a place that i really would never have dreamt going. haha. but still a pleasant surprise. a welcome escape from the hustle and bustle of the last week of school.

just now i had dinner with nizam and syamim. a very interesting and thought-provoking long conversations we had. and yes we agreed on certain things. haha. but fun nevertheless.

i need such things to keep up the momentum for me to study. this semester has been extremely slack for me. it's reflected in the grades that i've been getting in my term papers, and it is slightly worrisome. sigh. must push on nevertheless.

i think i'm more fatalistic then i thought i would be. do you believe in leaving it to fate, or do you believe in being aggressive to work for the things you want? i believe in both, but i think everyone is destined to fulfil something at some place in some point in their lives. but some people believe that destiny is in their hands, that they create their own luck and destinies. there always is this tension between both.

oh well. ad astra per aspera.
Wednesday, November 04, 2009,2:35 PM

finally, i'm done with my last term essay for this semester. errgh it seemed like i would never finish it. although i still have a group project presentation and report due, but at least i'm totally done with all my individual work. although revision (studying, rather) might probably have to start next week. that's quite late, but i still have a few loose ends to tie up.

the past and a half week has been great and not-so-great i suppose? last saturday, instead of getting a new pair of jeans, i bought 3 tops from topman. well don't worry, they've all been given thumbs up by amirah and syasya. so no fashion faux pas this time round. haha. i still want to get a pair of jeans, and that street soccer shoes and slippers for that gift-a-gift thingy. other than that the past week has been relatively smooth-sailing. if you ask of me still i'll tell u again that i've never been better. seriously.

yet not-so-great stuffs have also occurred in the past one-and-a-half week. events have played themselves out, of which i can only look and watch in disbelief. i wonder what else can happen in the coming weeks before the semester comes to and end. almost everyday i am greeted with surprising and shocking news that this and that has happened etc etc. i wonder why these things must happen, whether to me or to the people around me.

whatever that happens is fated to happen. as much as i can try to manage or control things sometimes they just don't go the way that i hoped it would. all i can do is dig deep, buckle down and get on with life. i think i have tried to do that admirably, although there is still room for improvement. seriously people can say whatever they want and do whatever they want. the most important thing is that my conscience is clear. we all want to live in a kantian democratic peace type of world, where peace-loving democratic states disengage from war against each other. we all want to live in harmony and peace, while having mutual trust in one another for the good of all. but that is just plain idealism. realism is probably true. that man is innately brutish, selfish, egoistic, and only care for themselves and their self-centred opinions.

perception is reality, or so they say. people think they know what they see and hear, yet the ultimate truth is that people are blind and deaf. they have eyes but they choose to see what they want to see, and choose to hear what they want to hear. they think of highly of their geniuses and smartness in interpreting for themselves what they see and hear. yet the ultimate truth - are we to judge what it is? only God knows what is the ultimate truth.

question: mengapa kita harus bersengketa?

answer: kerana fitnah dan salah sangka.

well said and sung.
Monday, October 26, 2009,9:35 PM

last week didn't start of so well but at least it ended pretty nicely. i thoroughly enjoyed the early dinner some of us had after training at barcelos at vivo city. i'm pretty sure all those present had a blast! it has been a very long time since i had dinner so fun and enjoyable as that.

i'm really dreaming weirdly nowadays. 2 nights ago i really had an epic of a dream. in a single night i dreamt:

1) i was a taxi driver who actually asked his passenger to leave the cab because it was faster to go by public to where he wanted to head to.

2) as the same taxi driver who saw an accident on the road was saw that some guy had his arm severed as a result, and i actually hurried to get an icebox full of ice and actually placed that severed arm in the box to save it. well done.

3) i dreamt i slept over (with my dad!) at some peranakan family's place. god knows why.

4) i dreamt that me and my friends were having friday prayers at a mosque full of indonesian muslims, and guess what? apparently it was conducted at asar, not at zuhur! (gasps!)

5) i dreamt that after the prayers me and my friends discussed whether to go to pulau tekong or pulau ubin for dinner, and discussed the timings of the boats that we wanted to catch.

this morning i dreamt that i shat (past tense of shit) in my pants on the way to school and was scurrying to the toilet to do something about it. i don't know what happened in the end 'cos eventually i had to get up anyway to go school. haha. i wonder what will happen if i did dream of the part 2 of this morning's dream tonight.

my theory is (i think it's really true) that the more tired and fatigued i get the more ridiculous and vivid the dreams in my sleep become. i can't imagine why i can actually recall what i dreamt from 2 days ago. the only reason is that i knew they were so vivid that i can't easily forget it, and i know i was in some sort of a deep sleep - hence i know i was so very tired therefore it really felt like it was real and that i wasn't dreaming.

on another note i've actually been able to meet my own personal deadlines and targets with regards to my essays. thank God for that. now i'm somewhat left with my last essay to do and another project. after that i have to get my head down and start studying properly for the exams. time really flies.

many times i've been asked if i'm okay so far. my reply is that i've never felt better. there you go.
Tuesday, October 20, 2009,10:27 PM

today started with so much of a promise yet it ended with a whimper.

that's what you get when you start on a high then you end on a low. it's really another one of those days.

by the time i was in class for my second lesson then i sort of lost it. i couldn't pay proper attention in class for the whole of the 2 hours. then i went to yih to have lunch just to realise that i'd left my water bottle in the previous class in arts. then i got reprimanded by the cleaner auntie there for wetting the whole floor accidentally when i was washing my feet during ablution.

then you know it gets worse when you go for your next class and your friend says 'hey i was cleaning up my closet the other day and i found this thing and the first thing i thought of was giving it to you!' then you realise it's a new urban male discount coupon (with 1-for-1 offer to buy men's underwear). okay well it's not so bad really, it should aid in my num project haha.

then it really sucks when it's at night and it's really humid and hot, and then when i boarded the train at jurong east this prc woman sat beside me who stank real bad (i swear it's the 1st time i've smelt a woman so bad). then when i've sat for at least 15minutes from jurong east past yew tee then i still felt hot and was starting to sweat again. then when i reach home beads of sweat were collecting on my forehead and then i realise maybe i was the one who was probably stinking up the train just now after all.

what a sucky day today was.
Thursday, October 15, 2009,9:19 PM

today i had a long chat with a friend.

after that i went back to reading up for my upcoming essays and unfortunately it was interspersed with fleeting thoughts of mine.

i realised our conversation, even though it talked about the present, required us (or rather me only i think) to take trips back into history and do some archaeological digging up. and for all of my normal, plain and boring life - it's amazing all that happened. or at least i think i stopped certain things from happening, if not i think i would have had a lot of cans of worms opened up. yikes.

i'm not that old, but old enough to have had my fair share of experiences dealing with all sorts of people - from my experiences in ns, in school, at work, in ccas, while going overseas etc. then i come to realise this world really has a alot of funny and weird and special people. individualism was celebrated during the renaissance of the 15th and 16th centuries in europe, as they upheld man as the supreme creation of God - as being so unique and special in itself. then when watson and crick broke the dna code, people came to realise that humans aren't that all special after all.

is it?

everyone is born one and the same - but our upbringing, our human interactions, our social conditions, our surroundings etc etc - they shape how every person turns out to be. our worldviews are biased, because they are a result of what we think, what we think we know and what we think we've been through. everyone can be similar yet completely different at the same time.

but i've come to realise this - that including myself, everyone at some point in time is a freaking hypocrite. the only difference is how great a hypocrite one is, and whether we realise it ourselves.

some people say they don't like hypocrites, yet we all indulge in some of that sometimes. some say we should practise what we preach - but can we really do that? what is hypocrisy? preaching A while practising B? what about preaching A last year but doing B instead this year? is that a change in understanding or opinion or simply plain hypocrisy?

from noting all this points with regards to my thoughts on hypocrisy,or rather life in general, i've come up with 2 points.

a) nothing happens in a vacuum - everything that happens is based on context or background. everything happens for a reason - it's only whether you know or you don't know why, or you can or you can't see why. the sad thing is people usually employ heuristics (something like mental shortcuts) to make sense of something that seems complex so that it's easier to interprete. like say if a guy dresses smartly in office wear and wears a tie and a blazer we would probably think he's some middle-level manager in an mnc. who's to say he's not the doorman that greets you every time you enter that louis vuitton boutique?

b) different interactions result in different outcomes. like when you put caesium into water the container will explode immediately, yet when you put salt into water it will just dissolve. my point is that even if we all have innate and inherent characteristics that will probably not change much, sometimes when we are in different environments and interacting with different people - the end product is always different. i've always wondered why i'm like this being around a certain group of people, but like that with another group of people. it's not really a case of multiple identities, but just the net results of interacting with different people.

obviously these are ideas you might have thought of way earlier than i have. but generally these have been the lenses through which i've been rationalising with myself on all the things that i've observed of others and whatever that i'm experiencing myself.

on another note tomorrow we are going down to several new urban male outlets. can't wait to grapple with all those padded briefs and brazilian bikinis! haha.
Thursday, October 08, 2009,10:03 PM

the past few days have been crazy.

every single day i sleep at 12+am the earliest, but i'll be up and about by 7+ in the day and always in sch by 9+. in between i managed to squeeze in training, meetings, 2 presentations, a show, a networking session and actually completed the readings that i aimed to finish within tight schedule. it's amazing that i did all that i think! thank God.

talking about the show that i went to watch with clare at the national library. the hossan leong show! quite hilarious. it was a stand up comedy that was 1 and a half hours long. he's quite the entertainer, but i think i could not two or three jokes that fell rather flat. haha. but i liked the part when they had a talk show that centred around the mas selamat escape affair, and the one where he dressed up as a peranakan nyonya for the cooking segment. chua enlai's voice still irritates the hell out of me though haha. but it was great overall. although we missed out on the lucky draw prize narrowly, 'cos one of the winners whose seat number was called out was sitting right beside us. but it was a great escape from the crazy school schedule i've had this whole week. i appreciated the fact that i reached home early (740pm) today, and finally could play a bit of games to keep myself sane. but come tomorrow its back to work. a minor reprieve only for the night, and it won't solve any chronic sleeping shortages that i'm facing.

i think i've been winning the fight against the sleep demons, but someday i must succumb - for my own health i think. but like there's no time to waste! see how.