low

i'm at my lowest ebbs now.

i've had enough. one moment i can be happy, then the next moment things take a turn for the worst.

WHY?

i'm starting to lose confidence in myself. i'm starting to hate myself for what i am and for what i'm not.

fad's right. we are all nobody. unlike those who can fork out the money to get a place in the london imperial college, or who can drive a bmw 7 series to school, or have enough money to open a few bottles on a night out. fad's really right. at the end of the day, study so hard and get a degree, we'll still have competitors. even in school we are all struggling. what makes us think we can stand out?

especially me.

what do i have? or what don't i have?

i'm just a freaking 3rd sgt whos been charged before.
whos always getting fucked by my superiors.
who isn't well liked and popular among the recruits.
who will never get promoted.
who always cocks up his job.
who can't drive, not even ride a bike.
who doesn't know a thing abt IT and computers.
who can't sing.
who can't play soccer.
who can't swim.
who can't excel in sports.
who can't really talk.
who can't get along well with everyone.
who can never get the girls.

why? simply because i'm a LOSER, and a NOBODY. fad's right. no matter how hard we try, we will always lose out to other people who's always better in 1 way or another. what would the opposite see in us anyway?

or me at least. i can't even raise my own spirits up.

must it always happen to me? i wonder why. same shit, different day. and it always happens.

is it just me?

i just feel like fading away.

nothing i do is ever right.

you know what? i don't care.

if people wanna be selfish then i don't see why i shouldn't be selfish too.

why be nice when people don't even appreciate it at all?

you know what?

i give up.

i give up on myself and whatever hopes and dreams i have held all these while.