the past week has been topsy-turvy.
the project was finally done. so was the presentation. i stripped in class, but not barebodied - just into singlet and boardshorts. haha. it was a fun presentation, peppering it with sexual slangs and lingo. haha. but most importantly i'm done with that.
whatever misunderstandings that happened earlier this week - i think safely said its all been cleared up, i suppose. i hope you all understand my point of view - in all earnestness, i think it is a fair point of view. but no worries, i think at the end of the day it really is a small matter. my apologies for blowing things up - but i think its important that people got the message. seriously.
last sunday i went for my primary school gathering, at choa chu kang part. had seafood dinner, then we were deliberating where to head to next. after much discussions it was decided that we head to ben and jerry's at night safari! of all places on a sunday night, unplanned at that. then we watched this free show consisting of fire-playing tribal men etc - and the chance came! to enter night safari under the guise of darkness for free, because of shady connections. and there you go. and unplanned trip to night safari, a free trip at that. haha. we saw flying squirrels gliding through the air. fruit bats, leopards, zebras, hyenas, gharials - a whole host of animals! what an amazing night it was. i can't believe we actually entered night safari - a place that i really would never have dreamt going. haha. but still a pleasant surprise. a welcome escape from the hustle and bustle of the last week of school.
just now i had dinner with nizam and syamim. a very interesting and thought-provoking long conversations we had. and yes we agreed on certain things. haha. but fun nevertheless.
i need such things to keep up the momentum for me to study. this semester has been extremely slack for me. it's reflected in the grades that i've been getting in my term papers, and it is slightly worrisome. sigh. must push on nevertheless.
i think i'm more fatalistic then i thought i would be. do you believe in leaving it to fate, or do you believe in being aggressive to work for the things you want? i believe in both, but i think everyone is destined to fulfil something at some place in some point in their lives. but some people believe that destiny is in their hands, that they create their own luck and destinies. there always is this tension between both.
oh well. ad astra per aspera.
Friday, November 13, 2009
Wednesday, November 04, 2009
essay
finally, i'm done with my last term essay for this semester. errgh it seemed like i would never finish it. although i still have a group project presentation and report due, but at least i'm totally done with all my individual work. although revision (studying, rather) might probably have to start next week. that's quite late, but i still have a few loose ends to tie up.
the past and a half week has been great and not-so-great i suppose? last saturday, instead of getting a new pair of jeans, i bought 3 tops from topman. well don't worry, they've all been given thumbs up by amirah and syasya. so no fashion faux pas this time round. haha. i still want to get a pair of jeans, and that street soccer shoes and slippers for that gift-a-gift thingy. other than that the past week has been relatively smooth-sailing. if you ask of me still i'll tell u again that i've never been better. seriously.
yet not-so-great stuffs have also occurred in the past one-and-a-half week. events have played themselves out, of which i can only look and watch in disbelief. i wonder what else can happen in the coming weeks before the semester comes to and end. almost everyday i am greeted with surprising and shocking news that this and that has happened etc etc. i wonder why these things must happen, whether to me or to the people around me.
whatever that happens is fated to happen. as much as i can try to manage or control things sometimes they just don't go the way that i hoped it would. all i can do is dig deep, buckle down and get on with life. i think i have tried to do that admirably, although there is still room for improvement. seriously people can say whatever they want and do whatever they want. the most important thing is that my conscience is clear. we all want to live in a kantian democratic peace type of world, where peace-loving democratic states disengage from war against each other. we all want to live in harmony and peace, while having mutual trust in one another for the good of all. but that is just plain idealism. realism is probably true. that man is innately brutish, selfish, egoistic, and only care for themselves and their self-centred opinions.
perception is reality, or so they say. people think they know what they see and hear, yet the ultimate truth is that people are blind and deaf. they have eyes but they choose to see what they want to see, and choose to hear what they want to hear. they think of highly of their geniuses and smartness in interpreting for themselves what they see and hear. yet the ultimate truth - are we to judge what it is? only God knows what is the ultimate truth.
question: mengapa kita harus bersengketa?
answer: kerana fitnah dan salah sangka.
well said and sung.
the past and a half week has been great and not-so-great i suppose? last saturday, instead of getting a new pair of jeans, i bought 3 tops from topman. well don't worry, they've all been given thumbs up by amirah and syasya. so no fashion faux pas this time round. haha. i still want to get a pair of jeans, and that street soccer shoes and slippers for that gift-a-gift thingy. other than that the past week has been relatively smooth-sailing. if you ask of me still i'll tell u again that i've never been better. seriously.
yet not-so-great stuffs have also occurred in the past one-and-a-half week. events have played themselves out, of which i can only look and watch in disbelief. i wonder what else can happen in the coming weeks before the semester comes to and end. almost everyday i am greeted with surprising and shocking news that this and that has happened etc etc. i wonder why these things must happen, whether to me or to the people around me.
whatever that happens is fated to happen. as much as i can try to manage or control things sometimes they just don't go the way that i hoped it would. all i can do is dig deep, buckle down and get on with life. i think i have tried to do that admirably, although there is still room for improvement. seriously people can say whatever they want and do whatever they want. the most important thing is that my conscience is clear. we all want to live in a kantian democratic peace type of world, where peace-loving democratic states disengage from war against each other. we all want to live in harmony and peace, while having mutual trust in one another for the good of all. but that is just plain idealism. realism is probably true. that man is innately brutish, selfish, egoistic, and only care for themselves and their self-centred opinions.
perception is reality, or so they say. people think they know what they see and hear, yet the ultimate truth is that people are blind and deaf. they have eyes but they choose to see what they want to see, and choose to hear what they want to hear. they think of highly of their geniuses and smartness in interpreting for themselves what they see and hear. yet the ultimate truth - are we to judge what it is? only God knows what is the ultimate truth.
question: mengapa kita harus bersengketa?
answer: kerana fitnah dan salah sangka.
well said and sung.
Monday, October 26, 2009
happy
last week didn't start of so well but at least it ended pretty nicely. i thoroughly enjoyed the early dinner some of us had after training at barcelos at vivo city. i'm pretty sure all those present had a blast! it has been a very long time since i had dinner so fun and enjoyable as that.
i'm really dreaming weirdly nowadays. 2 nights ago i really had an epic of a dream. in a single night i dreamt:
1) i was a taxi driver who actually asked his passenger to leave the cab because it was faster to go by public to where he wanted to head to.
2) as the same taxi driver who saw an accident on the road was saw that some guy had his arm severed as a result, and i actually hurried to get an icebox full of ice and actually placed that severed arm in the box to save it. well done.
3) i dreamt i slept over (with my dad!) at some peranakan family's place. god knows why.
4) i dreamt that me and my friends were having friday prayers at a mosque full of indonesian muslims, and guess what? apparently it was conducted at asar, not at zuhur! (gasps!)
5) i dreamt that after the prayers me and my friends discussed whether to go to pulau tekong or pulau ubin for dinner, and discussed the timings of the boats that we wanted to catch.
this morning i dreamt that i shat (past tense of shit) in my pants on the way to school and was scurrying to the toilet to do something about it. i don't know what happened in the end 'cos eventually i had to get up anyway to go school. haha. i wonder what will happen if i did dream of the part 2 of this morning's dream tonight.
my theory is (i think it's really true) that the more tired and fatigued i get the more ridiculous and vivid the dreams in my sleep become. i can't imagine why i can actually recall what i dreamt from 2 days ago. the only reason is that i knew they were so vivid that i can't easily forget it, and i know i was in some sort of a deep sleep - hence i know i was so very tired therefore it really felt like it was real and that i wasn't dreaming.
on another note i've actually been able to meet my own personal deadlines and targets with regards to my essays. thank God for that. now i'm somewhat left with my last essay to do and another project. after that i have to get my head down and start studying properly for the exams. time really flies.
many times i've been asked if i'm okay so far. my reply is that i've never felt better. there you go.
i'm really dreaming weirdly nowadays. 2 nights ago i really had an epic of a dream. in a single night i dreamt:
1) i was a taxi driver who actually asked his passenger to leave the cab because it was faster to go by public to where he wanted to head to.
2) as the same taxi driver who saw an accident on the road was saw that some guy had his arm severed as a result, and i actually hurried to get an icebox full of ice and actually placed that severed arm in the box to save it. well done.
3) i dreamt i slept over (with my dad!) at some peranakan family's place. god knows why.
4) i dreamt that me and my friends were having friday prayers at a mosque full of indonesian muslims, and guess what? apparently it was conducted at asar, not at zuhur! (gasps!)
5) i dreamt that after the prayers me and my friends discussed whether to go to pulau tekong or pulau ubin for dinner, and discussed the timings of the boats that we wanted to catch.
this morning i dreamt that i shat (past tense of shit) in my pants on the way to school and was scurrying to the toilet to do something about it. i don't know what happened in the end 'cos eventually i had to get up anyway to go school. haha. i wonder what will happen if i did dream of the part 2 of this morning's dream tonight.
my theory is (i think it's really true) that the more tired and fatigued i get the more ridiculous and vivid the dreams in my sleep become. i can't imagine why i can actually recall what i dreamt from 2 days ago. the only reason is that i knew they were so vivid that i can't easily forget it, and i know i was in some sort of a deep sleep - hence i know i was so very tired therefore it really felt like it was real and that i wasn't dreaming.
on another note i've actually been able to meet my own personal deadlines and targets with regards to my essays. thank God for that. now i'm somewhat left with my last essay to do and another project. after that i have to get my head down and start studying properly for the exams. time really flies.
many times i've been asked if i'm okay so far. my reply is that i've never felt better. there you go.
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
promise
today started with so much of a promise yet it ended with a whimper.
that's what you get when you start on a high then you end on a low. it's really another one of those days.
by the time i was in class for my second lesson then i sort of lost it. i couldn't pay proper attention in class for the whole of the 2 hours. then i went to yih to have lunch just to realise that i'd left my water bottle in the previous class in arts. then i got reprimanded by the cleaner auntie there for wetting the whole floor accidentally when i was washing my feet during ablution.
then you know it gets worse when you go for your next class and your friend says 'hey i was cleaning up my closet the other day and i found this thing and the first thing i thought of was giving it to you!' then you realise it's a new urban male discount coupon (with 1-for-1 offer to buy men's underwear). okay well it's not so bad really, it should aid in my num project haha.
then it really sucks when it's at night and it's really humid and hot, and then when i boarded the train at jurong east this prc woman sat beside me who stank real bad (i swear it's the 1st time i've smelt a woman so bad). then when i've sat for at least 15minutes from jurong east past yew tee then i still felt hot and was starting to sweat again. then when i reach home beads of sweat were collecting on my forehead and then i realise maybe i was the one who was probably stinking up the train just now after all.
what a sucky day today was.
that's what you get when you start on a high then you end on a low. it's really another one of those days.
by the time i was in class for my second lesson then i sort of lost it. i couldn't pay proper attention in class for the whole of the 2 hours. then i went to yih to have lunch just to realise that i'd left my water bottle in the previous class in arts. then i got reprimanded by the cleaner auntie there for wetting the whole floor accidentally when i was washing my feet during ablution.
then you know it gets worse when you go for your next class and your friend says 'hey i was cleaning up my closet the other day and i found this thing and the first thing i thought of was giving it to you!' then you realise it's a new urban male discount coupon (with 1-for-1 offer to buy men's underwear). okay well it's not so bad really, it should aid in my num project haha.
then it really sucks when it's at night and it's really humid and hot, and then when i boarded the train at jurong east this prc woman sat beside me who stank real bad (i swear it's the 1st time i've smelt a woman so bad). then when i've sat for at least 15minutes from jurong east past yew tee then i still felt hot and was starting to sweat again. then when i reach home beads of sweat were collecting on my forehead and then i realise maybe i was the one who was probably stinking up the train just now after all.
what a sucky day today was.
Thursday, October 15, 2009
life
today i had a long chat with a friend.
after that i went back to reading up for my upcoming essays and unfortunately it was interspersed with fleeting thoughts of mine.
i realised our conversation, even though it talked about the present, required us (or rather me only i think) to take trips back into history and do some archaeological digging up. and for all of my normal, plain and boring life - it's amazing all that happened. or at least i think i stopped certain things from happening, if not i think i would have had a lot of cans of worms opened up. yikes.
i'm not that old, but old enough to have had my fair share of experiences dealing with all sorts of people - from my experiences in ns, in school, at work, in ccas, while going overseas etc. then i come to realise this world really has a alot of funny and weird and special people. individualism was celebrated during the renaissance of the 15th and 16th centuries in europe, as they upheld man as the supreme creation of God - as being so unique and special in itself. then when watson and crick broke the dna code, people came to realise that humans aren't that all special after all.
is it?
everyone is born one and the same - but our upbringing, our human interactions, our social conditions, our surroundings etc etc - they shape how every person turns out to be. our worldviews are biased, because they are a result of what we think, what we think we know and what we think we've been through. everyone can be similar yet completely different at the same time.
but i've come to realise this - that including myself, everyone at some point in time is a freaking hypocrite. the only difference is how great a hypocrite one is, and whether we realise it ourselves.
some people say they don't like hypocrites, yet we all indulge in some of that sometimes. some say we should practise what we preach - but can we really do that? what is hypocrisy? preaching A while practising B? what about preaching A last year but doing B instead this year? is that a change in understanding or opinion or simply plain hypocrisy?
from noting all this points with regards to my thoughts on hypocrisy,or rather life in general, i've come up with 2 points.
a) nothing happens in a vacuum - everything that happens is based on context or background. everything happens for a reason - it's only whether you know or you don't know why, or you can or you can't see why. the sad thing is people usually employ heuristics (something like mental shortcuts) to make sense of something that seems complex so that it's easier to interprete. like say if a guy dresses smartly in office wear and wears a tie and a blazer we would probably think he's some middle-level manager in an mnc. who's to say he's not the doorman that greets you every time you enter that louis vuitton boutique?
b) different interactions result in different outcomes. like when you put caesium into water the container will explode immediately, yet when you put salt into water it will just dissolve. my point is that even if we all have innate and inherent characteristics that will probably not change much, sometimes when we are in different environments and interacting with different people - the end product is always different. i've always wondered why i'm like this being around a certain group of people, but like that with another group of people. it's not really a case of multiple identities, but just the net results of interacting with different people.
obviously these are ideas you might have thought of way earlier than i have. but generally these have been the lenses through which i've been rationalising with myself on all the things that i've observed of others and whatever that i'm experiencing myself.
on another note tomorrow we are going down to several new urban male outlets. can't wait to grapple with all those padded briefs and brazilian bikinis! haha.
after that i went back to reading up for my upcoming essays and unfortunately it was interspersed with fleeting thoughts of mine.
i realised our conversation, even though it talked about the present, required us (or rather me only i think) to take trips back into history and do some archaeological digging up. and for all of my normal, plain and boring life - it's amazing all that happened. or at least i think i stopped certain things from happening, if not i think i would have had a lot of cans of worms opened up. yikes.
i'm not that old, but old enough to have had my fair share of experiences dealing with all sorts of people - from my experiences in ns, in school, at work, in ccas, while going overseas etc. then i come to realise this world really has a alot of funny and weird and special people. individualism was celebrated during the renaissance of the 15th and 16th centuries in europe, as they upheld man as the supreme creation of God - as being so unique and special in itself. then when watson and crick broke the dna code, people came to realise that humans aren't that all special after all.
is it?
everyone is born one and the same - but our upbringing, our human interactions, our social conditions, our surroundings etc etc - they shape how every person turns out to be. our worldviews are biased, because they are a result of what we think, what we think we know and what we think we've been through. everyone can be similar yet completely different at the same time.
but i've come to realise this - that including myself, everyone at some point in time is a freaking hypocrite. the only difference is how great a hypocrite one is, and whether we realise it ourselves.
some people say they don't like hypocrites, yet we all indulge in some of that sometimes. some say we should practise what we preach - but can we really do that? what is hypocrisy? preaching A while practising B? what about preaching A last year but doing B instead this year? is that a change in understanding or opinion or simply plain hypocrisy?
from noting all this points with regards to my thoughts on hypocrisy,or rather life in general, i've come up with 2 points.
a) nothing happens in a vacuum - everything that happens is based on context or background. everything happens for a reason - it's only whether you know or you don't know why, or you can or you can't see why. the sad thing is people usually employ heuristics (something like mental shortcuts) to make sense of something that seems complex so that it's easier to interprete. like say if a guy dresses smartly in office wear and wears a tie and a blazer we would probably think he's some middle-level manager in an mnc. who's to say he's not the doorman that greets you every time you enter that louis vuitton boutique?
b) different interactions result in different outcomes. like when you put caesium into water the container will explode immediately, yet when you put salt into water it will just dissolve. my point is that even if we all have innate and inherent characteristics that will probably not change much, sometimes when we are in different environments and interacting with different people - the end product is always different. i've always wondered why i'm like this being around a certain group of people, but like that with another group of people. it's not really a case of multiple identities, but just the net results of interacting with different people.
obviously these are ideas you might have thought of way earlier than i have. but generally these have been the lenses through which i've been rationalising with myself on all the things that i've observed of others and whatever that i'm experiencing myself.
on another note tomorrow we are going down to several new urban male outlets. can't wait to grapple with all those padded briefs and brazilian bikinis! haha.
Thursday, October 08, 2009
hossan
the past few days have been crazy.
every single day i sleep at 12+am the earliest, but i'll be up and about by 7+ in the day and always in sch by 9+. in between i managed to squeeze in training, meetings, 2 presentations, a show, a networking session and actually completed the readings that i aimed to finish within tight schedule. it's amazing that i did all that i think! thank God.
talking about the show that i went to watch with clare at the national library. the hossan leong show! quite hilarious. it was a stand up comedy that was 1 and a half hours long. he's quite the entertainer, but i think i could not two or three jokes that fell rather flat. haha. but i liked the part when they had a talk show that centred around the mas selamat escape affair, and the one where he dressed up as a peranakan nyonya for the cooking segment. chua enlai's voice still irritates the hell out of me though haha. but it was great overall. although we missed out on the lucky draw prize narrowly, 'cos one of the winners whose seat number was called out was sitting right beside us. but it was a great escape from the crazy school schedule i've had this whole week. i appreciated the fact that i reached home early (740pm) today, and finally could play a bit of games to keep myself sane. but come tomorrow its back to work. a minor reprieve only for the night, and it won't solve any chronic sleeping shortages that i'm facing.
i think i've been winning the fight against the sleep demons, but someday i must succumb - for my own health i think. but like there's no time to waste! see how.
every single day i sleep at 12+am the earliest, but i'll be up and about by 7+ in the day and always in sch by 9+. in between i managed to squeeze in training, meetings, 2 presentations, a show, a networking session and actually completed the readings that i aimed to finish within tight schedule. it's amazing that i did all that i think! thank God.
talking about the show that i went to watch with clare at the national library. the hossan leong show! quite hilarious. it was a stand up comedy that was 1 and a half hours long. he's quite the entertainer, but i think i could not two or three jokes that fell rather flat. haha. but i liked the part when they had a talk show that centred around the mas selamat escape affair, and the one where he dressed up as a peranakan nyonya for the cooking segment. chua enlai's voice still irritates the hell out of me though haha. but it was great overall. although we missed out on the lucky draw prize narrowly, 'cos one of the winners whose seat number was called out was sitting right beside us. but it was a great escape from the crazy school schedule i've had this whole week. i appreciated the fact that i reached home early (740pm) today, and finally could play a bit of games to keep myself sane. but come tomorrow its back to work. a minor reprieve only for the night, and it won't solve any chronic sleeping shortages that i'm facing.
i think i've been winning the fight against the sleep demons, but someday i must succumb - for my own health i think. but like there's no time to waste! see how.
Monday, October 05, 2009
been quite a while since i blogged in the day and unshowered. haha.
last week was a blast thank you. but this week has just started but i can tell it will not play out that well. oh well.
looking forward to the show tomorrow though. i'm wondering if i will be stretched a bit too much this week, but let's just take the plunge.
last week was a blast thank you. but this week has just started but i can tell it will not play out that well. oh well.
looking forward to the show tomorrow though. i'm wondering if i will be stretched a bit too much this week, but let's just take the plunge.
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
raya
i should have blogged on this long ago but i keep forgetting - thank you very much to my dearest friends clarissa, anisah and faridah for the proper birthday gifts that i received from them. i really appreciate them a lot. especially as they were real surprises haha. thank you so much.
on another note as i was tagging photos on facebook just now my mom just came over to talk to me for quite some time. let's just say it's all about challenges one will face in adulthood. you know, about money, marriage, divorces, buying a home, buying a car etc etc. things that i've actually been thinking and worried about since my secondary school days. i wonder - with the very little capital that i have, and even with me probably joining the workforce in 2 years' time - will i have enough cash to support myself, my parents and get hitched along the way?haha. that's why i keep saying - life as primary school kid is still the best. so carefree and full of life.
abraham lincoln once said this - "in the end, it's not the years in your life that count. it's the life in your years."
well said. pardon me for my obsession with abraham lincoln's quotes. trust me, he's most probably the greatest president america ever had. and many others will vouch for that. but think about what lincoln said. i think it's true. one should really live life the way one wants it be and to the fullest possible.
on another note with the start of the month of syawal and this hari raya period, thankfully i feel i've found back my studying groove. thank goodness for that. i think i know why. but the point is it feels great to have found back my studying mojo. although i'm still facing a chronic lack of sleep, of which i wish other people could really help clear my sleepings debts by sleeping some hours for me. please? haha. with the advent of term essay deadlines and what not, it's really going to be a hectic 7 weeks ahead for me. i hope i will come out of it all unscathed and in one good piece.
lastly - the storm has probably died down but i'm not satisfied. here i am trying to do things to ameliorate the situation but obviously it has gone totally unnoticed and unappreciated. what else do i have to do then? as i have mentioned in my earlier posts - listen to all viewpoints before passing a sound judgement. parochial and partisan worldviews and mindsets will just hinder anyone from making sound and sane remarks or resolution. judge me for all you want, but judge me after you hear me out or at least hear my side of the story first. heuristics are of no use, especially when things are taken out of context and applied incorrectly. the only place for rumour-mongers and is the damned hellfire, where the fire burns eternally.
on another note have i mentioned that for my business module project, we are doing on new urban male? haha. i can really say it's going to be a blast - and my groups seems real happening. it will be a blast! haha.
did you know that num's logo of the sperm came after the stores were already up and running? now you know.
on another note as i was tagging photos on facebook just now my mom just came over to talk to me for quite some time. let's just say it's all about challenges one will face in adulthood. you know, about money, marriage, divorces, buying a home, buying a car etc etc. things that i've actually been thinking and worried about since my secondary school days. i wonder - with the very little capital that i have, and even with me probably joining the workforce in 2 years' time - will i have enough cash to support myself, my parents and get hitched along the way?haha. that's why i keep saying - life as primary school kid is still the best. so carefree and full of life.
abraham lincoln once said this - "in the end, it's not the years in your life that count. it's the life in your years."
well said. pardon me for my obsession with abraham lincoln's quotes. trust me, he's most probably the greatest president america ever had. and many others will vouch for that. but think about what lincoln said. i think it's true. one should really live life the way one wants it be and to the fullest possible.
on another note with the start of the month of syawal and this hari raya period, thankfully i feel i've found back my studying groove. thank goodness for that. i think i know why. but the point is it feels great to have found back my studying mojo. although i'm still facing a chronic lack of sleep, of which i wish other people could really help clear my sleepings debts by sleeping some hours for me. please? haha. with the advent of term essay deadlines and what not, it's really going to be a hectic 7 weeks ahead for me. i hope i will come out of it all unscathed and in one good piece.
lastly - the storm has probably died down but i'm not satisfied. here i am trying to do things to ameliorate the situation but obviously it has gone totally unnoticed and unappreciated. what else do i have to do then? as i have mentioned in my earlier posts - listen to all viewpoints before passing a sound judgement. parochial and partisan worldviews and mindsets will just hinder anyone from making sound and sane remarks or resolution. judge me for all you want, but judge me after you hear me out or at least hear my side of the story first. heuristics are of no use, especially when things are taken out of context and applied incorrectly. the only place for rumour-mongers and is the damned hellfire, where the fire burns eternally.
on another note have i mentioned that for my business module project, we are doing on new urban male? haha. i can really say it's going to be a blast - and my groups seems real happening. it will be a blast! haha.
did you know that num's logo of the sperm came after the stores were already up and running? now you know.
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
race
everytime raya beckons, it always becomes a racially-charged affair for me. haha.
not talking about the CMIO division - rather the subdivisions of the malay communities in singapore - you know the javanese, boyanese, bugis, minangkabaus, arabs, pure malays (or so they claim) etc etc. i'm half boyanese and half bugis - like a total minority in the sea of javanese in singapore.
why it becomes a racially-charged affair? because day 1 of hari raya is always spent visiting my father's relatives - mostly my grandfather's siblings and their assorted daughters and sons. it's a huge number. i think many other people just slack away at their grandparents' place on the 1st day of raya, whilst i'm already doing my rounds with my family, together with my immediate uncles and aunties and my cousins in tow. a whole convoy of us will just drive around, and the route has never changed for day 1.
so i go around visiting all these siblings of my grandfather(who's the oldest among his siblings, and my father is the eldest, and so am i yadda yadda yadda), and so its like i get drenched in all these boyaneseness haha. the tete-a-tetes are no more carried out in boyanese already, but you can just feel it. also it's typical for everyone to get questioned like-
When are you getting married? like for goodness sake i know 23 is the perfect age (or is it any age?)for malays to get married but i'm not so normative.
Got girlfriend already? haha. it sounds worse when they use the term 'cewek' my goodness. at least now i can so-called speak the truth haha.
Oh so today you drove the car around? haha even selling my backside can only get me the carburettor only.
Wah so big already! haha if they could really remember me i haven't really grown any taller in the past 7 years at least.
well thank goodness at least many know me by name, which is reassuring to me haha. it sucks to be known just as someone's son or something like that. but this time round i get suggestions like 'go find a boyanese wife, boyanese people power you know!' - i'm like what? it's like im being maligned so much in school for being a boyanese (no i don't do black magic sorry) and i think for these oldies, race matters to them very much - as it was when they were in their youths. youths nowadays can't even be bothered i guess since we are all crammed into that category called malay - of which even its definition is sensitive and highly political. in any case apparently i don't look boyanese at all - probably too fair, or my eyes are too big. but physically i don't even take after my dad(except for my ugly teeth and that i'm supposedly fair). thank goodness for that actually, if not i'll probably start balding like right now, have stubby fingers, slightly rotund and chinky eyes. haha.
so i look more like my mom - who is a full-blooded bugis. you don't hear much of the bugis people in singapore but you know what? at least the government sees something in these groups of people - enough to name a freaking mrt station after them! an mrt station! think about it - not teochew, hokkien, java, gujerati or what have you - but bugis! oh and the shopping centre too. there's also the information sign in the middle of bugis junction about the bugis people (or buginese).
did you know the bugis have been trading with the natives of australia a whole millenium before any europeans even heard of australia, let alone set foot on it? they are gutsy and adventurous by nature (both as traders and sadly, pirates and no, johnny depp isn't a closet buginese). apparently if you hadn't sojourned in your youth you wouldn't be called a man in those days.
just now i went back to my village where my grandmother stays, and where many of my mom's relatives also stay. a whole lot of bugis people there. it's interesting, going back to the kampong. it's like day 1 i'm spending raya in an urban, boyanese setting - and day 3 its a bugis and rural setting. and of course the usual questions get spewed at me but the thing is i think these buginese people are proud of their heritage - yet i think they just take it in their stride and not go off talking big about.
think about it - even the annoying javanese, with their clear majority in numbers in singapore - does the government even bother with naming street names, shopping centres and an mrt station after them?(i've heard of java road and kampung java road but these are minor roads). let's not even talk about the boyanese here haha. maybe it's because these people are from the rural areas, so supposedly they lead laidback lives - but you can see they are humble people with good values about them. i feel privileged that at least my mom is of this heritage and race, so i can hop on the bandwagon and claim 50% of it? haha. but i do feel it's something to be proud of.
don't get me wrong. haha i think it's really outdated of me to even talk about race like this - but it gives me a sort of 'unique' identity that i'm happy to carry around. my IC says i'm boyanese, yet im half boyanese and bugis. i feel honoured and blessed (to say proud wouldn't be precise) to have such a heritage, not conforming to the common discourse of being the javanese (which seriously, i've no idea what their heritage and history entails).
i like the fact that my family and my extended family (on my dad's side) tries to keep the familial and cultural bonds strong by visiting each other as much as they try to relive the famous pondok spirit of yesteryear. i like the humbleness of the bugis people, yet i believe them to be the most feisty and gutsy of people.
although, since my dad is the only male among his siblings, therefore the only real boyanese grandchild my grandfather has is me (i only have another sister). haha. so i'm the one to keep the flag flying high i suppose?
if they had a flag don't be surprised if you see horses on the flag. haha.
not talking about the CMIO division - rather the subdivisions of the malay communities in singapore - you know the javanese, boyanese, bugis, minangkabaus, arabs, pure malays (or so they claim) etc etc. i'm half boyanese and half bugis - like a total minority in the sea of javanese in singapore.
why it becomes a racially-charged affair? because day 1 of hari raya is always spent visiting my father's relatives - mostly my grandfather's siblings and their assorted daughters and sons. it's a huge number. i think many other people just slack away at their grandparents' place on the 1st day of raya, whilst i'm already doing my rounds with my family, together with my immediate uncles and aunties and my cousins in tow. a whole convoy of us will just drive around, and the route has never changed for day 1.
so i go around visiting all these siblings of my grandfather(who's the oldest among his siblings, and my father is the eldest, and so am i yadda yadda yadda), and so its like i get drenched in all these boyaneseness haha. the tete-a-tetes are no more carried out in boyanese already, but you can just feel it. also it's typical for everyone to get questioned like-
When are you getting married? like for goodness sake i know 23 is the perfect age (or is it any age?)for malays to get married but i'm not so normative.
Got girlfriend already? haha. it sounds worse when they use the term 'cewek' my goodness. at least now i can so-called speak the truth haha.
Oh so today you drove the car around? haha even selling my backside can only get me the carburettor only.
Wah so big already! haha if they could really remember me i haven't really grown any taller in the past 7 years at least.
well thank goodness at least many know me by name, which is reassuring to me haha. it sucks to be known just as someone's son or something like that. but this time round i get suggestions like 'go find a boyanese wife, boyanese people power you know!' - i'm like what? it's like im being maligned so much in school for being a boyanese (no i don't do black magic sorry) and i think for these oldies, race matters to them very much - as it was when they were in their youths. youths nowadays can't even be bothered i guess since we are all crammed into that category called malay - of which even its definition is sensitive and highly political. in any case apparently i don't look boyanese at all - probably too fair, or my eyes are too big. but physically i don't even take after my dad(except for my ugly teeth and that i'm supposedly fair). thank goodness for that actually, if not i'll probably start balding like right now, have stubby fingers, slightly rotund and chinky eyes. haha.
so i look more like my mom - who is a full-blooded bugis. you don't hear much of the bugis people in singapore but you know what? at least the government sees something in these groups of people - enough to name a freaking mrt station after them! an mrt station! think about it - not teochew, hokkien, java, gujerati or what have you - but bugis! oh and the shopping centre too. there's also the information sign in the middle of bugis junction about the bugis people (or buginese).
did you know the bugis have been trading with the natives of australia a whole millenium before any europeans even heard of australia, let alone set foot on it? they are gutsy and adventurous by nature (both as traders and sadly, pirates and no, johnny depp isn't a closet buginese). apparently if you hadn't sojourned in your youth you wouldn't be called a man in those days.
just now i went back to my village where my grandmother stays, and where many of my mom's relatives also stay. a whole lot of bugis people there. it's interesting, going back to the kampong. it's like day 1 i'm spending raya in an urban, boyanese setting - and day 3 its a bugis and rural setting. and of course the usual questions get spewed at me but the thing is i think these buginese people are proud of their heritage - yet i think they just take it in their stride and not go off talking big about.
think about it - even the annoying javanese, with their clear majority in numbers in singapore - does the government even bother with naming street names, shopping centres and an mrt station after them?(i've heard of java road and kampung java road but these are minor roads). let's not even talk about the boyanese here haha. maybe it's because these people are from the rural areas, so supposedly they lead laidback lives - but you can see they are humble people with good values about them. i feel privileged that at least my mom is of this heritage and race, so i can hop on the bandwagon and claim 50% of it? haha. but i do feel it's something to be proud of.
don't get me wrong. haha i think it's really outdated of me to even talk about race like this - but it gives me a sort of 'unique' identity that i'm happy to carry around. my IC says i'm boyanese, yet im half boyanese and bugis. i feel honoured and blessed (to say proud wouldn't be precise) to have such a heritage, not conforming to the common discourse of being the javanese (which seriously, i've no idea what their heritage and history entails).
i like the fact that my family and my extended family (on my dad's side) tries to keep the familial and cultural bonds strong by visiting each other as much as they try to relive the famous pondok spirit of yesteryear. i like the humbleness of the bugis people, yet i believe them to be the most feisty and gutsy of people.
although, since my dad is the only male among his siblings, therefore the only real boyanese grandchild my grandfather has is me (i only have another sister). haha. so i'm the one to keep the flag flying high i suppose?
if they had a flag don't be surprised if you see horses on the flag. haha.
Friday, September 18, 2009
raya
hari raya is like a kedai mamak - it's just round the corner.
so this year my mom didn't make any orders for baju kurung for the family. so we'll be wearing what we wore 2 years ago, which is quite nice actually. i've always wondered when we will ever stop making baju kurung yearly. really, i hardly wear baju kurung throughout the year (even on fridays i wear a dri-fit tshirt to the mosque). so the many-many baju kurung that take up the space in my wardrobe just rot away not being used.
this year my house is like a bakery. the past week especially - everyday i go home there's always some new kuih to greet me when i reach home. at least 6 types now. and just now i saw that even kerepeks have been stowed away in the kitchen cabinets. though this year my mom and dad aren't weaving ketupats - something i've tried to learn doing since my primary school days, but it's probably among the most complex things malays ever invented. like seriously.
and next week is recess week - but it's gonna be filled up with raya outings i feel. aiyah. i should be studying a lot. especially when i still haven't found my studying impetus. it's quite disturbing. and somehow i've felt so much more lethargic and tired throughout the fasting month, which has been affecting my concentration in class. of course it's exacerbated by the fact i still play pes2009 and fm09 very often till late in the morning. haha.
and it seems like everyone is writing self-reflections on their blogs, to note if they've become a better person after a whole month of fasting. i don't think i actually have, and yes i've been quite lazy this past month. but this month i read quite abit of the Quran, i did my 1st ever qiyammulail (yayy!), performed my 1st ever tasbih prayers and never missed any prayers (i mean the compulsory 5 times a day) during the fasting month. i do keep up with my terawihs at home or at the mosque, and many times i have been able to break fast at home. there are times (not that many! haha) which i miss my prayers in my course of life and feel rather guilty about it, but i think during the fasting month this becomes even worse.
i'm not like criticising anyone out there but it's just my point of view - that if you don't do the compulsory stuffs (especially the 5 daily prayers) then you might as well not fast. personally i really think it's weird that a lot of people fast yet they don't keep up with their prayers. prayers is something one should be performing everyday of their lives, even outside of the fasting month. i don't see the point in fasting if one doesn't pray.
like when i was doing my NS and during the fasting month i had to go to taiwan as part of my training. i somewhat had problems keeping up with my prayers (which of course on hindsight i should have really done better). but my is thinking this - i could actually attempt to fast through the training, but if i was already having problems trying to do my prayers then i saw no point in keeping my fast. that was what i believed in. of cos it's quite an erroneous and controversial sort of thinking but you get my point right.
this actually went against another one of my beliefs - that i should always do what i can, to the best of my abilities, even though i know i probably might sin somewhere along the way. we all sin i suppose, sometimes unknowingly. but for me i try and do my part in doing damage limitation - i usually curse and cuss and swear when i talk sometimes( for example), and yes i admit i'm not pious or angelic but i mean i do try (i hope) to do good or perform my religious obligations as much as i think i can, trying to suit to the time and place and context. maybe i don't go all out, but i try to make sure my foundations are strong i suppose. although sometimes the temptations and the works of the Devil - something every human being faces every day.
but well i think this past fasting month has been quite average for me, but i think it's quite important that i've tried to do things that i've never done before, in the hope of gaining merit and also kickstarting something that i might want to continue doing in the future. like helping out in the qurban last hari raya haji, and the qiyammulail i did 3 weeks ago. and once raya and syawal kicks in - wow all the assignment deadlines will also come one by one. really looking forward to the end of the year actually.
the die is cast and the Rubicon has been crossed. but Rome is still far away. many roads lead to Rome, and certainly Rome wasn't built in a day.
so this year my mom didn't make any orders for baju kurung for the family. so we'll be wearing what we wore 2 years ago, which is quite nice actually. i've always wondered when we will ever stop making baju kurung yearly. really, i hardly wear baju kurung throughout the year (even on fridays i wear a dri-fit tshirt to the mosque). so the many-many baju kurung that take up the space in my wardrobe just rot away not being used.
this year my house is like a bakery. the past week especially - everyday i go home there's always some new kuih to greet me when i reach home. at least 6 types now. and just now i saw that even kerepeks have been stowed away in the kitchen cabinets. though this year my mom and dad aren't weaving ketupats - something i've tried to learn doing since my primary school days, but it's probably among the most complex things malays ever invented. like seriously.
and next week is recess week - but it's gonna be filled up with raya outings i feel. aiyah. i should be studying a lot. especially when i still haven't found my studying impetus. it's quite disturbing. and somehow i've felt so much more lethargic and tired throughout the fasting month, which has been affecting my concentration in class. of course it's exacerbated by the fact i still play pes2009 and fm09 very often till late in the morning. haha.
and it seems like everyone is writing self-reflections on their blogs, to note if they've become a better person after a whole month of fasting. i don't think i actually have, and yes i've been quite lazy this past month. but this month i read quite abit of the Quran, i did my 1st ever qiyammulail (yayy!), performed my 1st ever tasbih prayers and never missed any prayers (i mean the compulsory 5 times a day) during the fasting month. i do keep up with my terawihs at home or at the mosque, and many times i have been able to break fast at home. there are times (not that many! haha) which i miss my prayers in my course of life and feel rather guilty about it, but i think during the fasting month this becomes even worse.
i'm not like criticising anyone out there but it's just my point of view - that if you don't do the compulsory stuffs (especially the 5 daily prayers) then you might as well not fast. personally i really think it's weird that a lot of people fast yet they don't keep up with their prayers. prayers is something one should be performing everyday of their lives, even outside of the fasting month. i don't see the point in fasting if one doesn't pray.
like when i was doing my NS and during the fasting month i had to go to taiwan as part of my training. i somewhat had problems keeping up with my prayers (which of course on hindsight i should have really done better). but my is thinking this - i could actually attempt to fast through the training, but if i was already having problems trying to do my prayers then i saw no point in keeping my fast. that was what i believed in. of cos it's quite an erroneous and controversial sort of thinking but you get my point right.
this actually went against another one of my beliefs - that i should always do what i can, to the best of my abilities, even though i know i probably might sin somewhere along the way. we all sin i suppose, sometimes unknowingly. but for me i try and do my part in doing damage limitation - i usually curse and cuss and swear when i talk sometimes( for example), and yes i admit i'm not pious or angelic but i mean i do try (i hope) to do good or perform my religious obligations as much as i think i can, trying to suit to the time and place and context. maybe i don't go all out, but i try to make sure my foundations are strong i suppose. although sometimes the temptations and the works of the Devil - something every human being faces every day.
but well i think this past fasting month has been quite average for me, but i think it's quite important that i've tried to do things that i've never done before, in the hope of gaining merit and also kickstarting something that i might want to continue doing in the future. like helping out in the qurban last hari raya haji, and the qiyammulail i did 3 weeks ago. and once raya and syawal kicks in - wow all the assignment deadlines will also come one by one. really looking forward to the end of the year actually.
the die is cast and the Rubicon has been crossed. but Rome is still far away. many roads lead to Rome, and certainly Rome wasn't built in a day.
Monday, September 14, 2009
sucky day
you know your day is not gonna start off well when you get out of bed and had to rush to get ready for school. i was lucky i didn't wake up that late (late enough to force my sister to iron my shirt for me though haha) and i was 5 minutes late for class. i actually had to catch my breath later on as climbing up the whole flight of stairs up to the lecture room was really taxing.
to compound it further i lost my notepad. damn it i thought it was in my file but i think i left it in the seminar room. oh well luckily it didn't have that many important things in it. ah actually there might be. damn.
then i was late in reaching home because of delays here and there, and the jams, and i couldn't break fast in time at home. to top it all off the lifts broke down when i approached the lift landing at my block. both lifts were immobilised and didn't respond at all to any repeated button pressing. so i had to slowly climb all of the 10 storeys and reach my doorstep, all sweaty and 15 minutes past the prayer call for break fast. luckily the green tea+lemon packet drink i had to accompany me with during that climb was nice.
i've had worse days i think.
to compound it further i lost my notepad. damn it i thought it was in my file but i think i left it in the seminar room. oh well luckily it didn't have that many important things in it. ah actually there might be. damn.
then i was late in reaching home because of delays here and there, and the jams, and i couldn't break fast in time at home. to top it all off the lifts broke down when i approached the lift landing at my block. both lifts were immobilised and didn't respond at all to any repeated button pressing. so i had to slowly climb all of the 10 storeys and reach my doorstep, all sweaty and 15 minutes past the prayer call for break fast. luckily the green tea+lemon packet drink i had to accompany me with during that climb was nice.
i've had worse days i think.
Friday, September 11, 2009
survey
okay people please help my friend out there as you come by and read my entry haha.
She recently submitted her Travel Guide on Hong Kong for a competition and the winner wins by the most votes! She needs all the votes she can get! You can even download it for FREE to read it if you please.
http://www.guidegecko.com/hong-kong-a-diamond-in-the-rough-travel-guide/d,4986
Follow the link. Roll your mouse over the stars till ALL 5 are GREEN, then click on them. You have to register, (just fill up a few things) and i promise it will take less than 1 minute!
obviously that whole thing was crafted by my friend but do help her out and vote 5 stars okay!
haha on another note the week came and passed just like that. though this year i had a whole host of birthday wishes via sms and facebook posts, which took me an hour to reply them all personally haha. went for classes as per normal on that day and at night had dinner with clare at swensens at marina square. if we had known the 1-for-1 ice cream buffet offer at ion orchard was still on we would have went there. it sort of slipped my mind haha. oh well.
other than that nothing much has happened. i'm still trying to get back that studying groove but i think it's sort of picking up now so yea. hope i will gain some sort of momentum. damn it it's already the end of week 5! oh and just now i tried out the gamelan! haha. my friends had a gamelan jamming session to prepare for their practical test next week and so i wanted to give it a try. very interesting! and mesmerising! haha. let me see, maybe when i go to year 4 i shall take that module as a UE.
hari raya in a week's time, but i would rather fret about my lagging behind in studies than anything else. i remember last year the day before hari raya i cooped myself up at the school computer lab and finished my essay in 1 day. oh well. at least i'm due my cash injections soon!
She recently submitted her Travel Guide on Hong Kong for a competition and the winner wins by the most votes! She needs all the votes she can get! You can even download it for FREE to read it if you please.
http://www.guidegecko.com/hong-kong-a-diamond-in-the-rough-travel-guide/d,4986
Follow the link. Roll your mouse over the stars till ALL 5 are GREEN, then click on them. You have to register, (just fill up a few things) and i promise it will take less than 1 minute!
obviously that whole thing was crafted by my friend but do help her out and vote 5 stars okay!
haha on another note the week came and passed just like that. though this year i had a whole host of birthday wishes via sms and facebook posts, which took me an hour to reply them all personally haha. went for classes as per normal on that day and at night had dinner with clare at swensens at marina square. if we had known the 1-for-1 ice cream buffet offer at ion orchard was still on we would have went there. it sort of slipped my mind haha. oh well.
other than that nothing much has happened. i'm still trying to get back that studying groove but i think it's sort of picking up now so yea. hope i will gain some sort of momentum. damn it it's already the end of week 5! oh and just now i tried out the gamelan! haha. my friends had a gamelan jamming session to prepare for their practical test next week and so i wanted to give it a try. very interesting! and mesmerising! haha. let me see, maybe when i go to year 4 i shall take that module as a UE.
hari raya in a week's time, but i would rather fret about my lagging behind in studies than anything else. i remember last year the day before hari raya i cooped myself up at the school computer lab and finished my essay in 1 day. oh well. at least i'm due my cash injections soon!
Sunday, September 06, 2009
birthday
maybe i've blogged about this before.
10 years ago on this day my maternal grandfather passed away. i will always remember the date because it's just a day shy of my birthday. and also because i was alone at home when i got the call informing me that he passed away that same morning. a tragic death, i feel - he had an asthma attack while having breakfast and he passed away just like that.
10 years on and a lot of things have happened to myself of which he could not witness. i've grown up, went to a few schools here and there, went through ns and now i'm in university. graduating from a university might not be a big deal these days, but considering my ethnicity and my family background - most of the time it always is. my grandpa was to me, as fit as a fiddle even in his 60s. my paternal grandpa is still alive - 80 in 4 days' time. still looking fit as a fiddle too. i hope at least he can live long enough to see me graduate.
in those same 10 years - like i said i have grown. but have i become a better person? a happier person? singapore ranks lowly on the happiness - i was definitely much happier when i was 10. haha. young people wanna grow old faster because they wanna have freedom - but is this the freedom everyone craves for? i wanna be young and youthful once again - because life was much simpler and happier and more meaningful. though i turn a year older tomorrow, so i suppose there's no chance of an age reversal process i guess. a la benjamin button. haha.
2 nights ago i qiyam-ed for the 1st time ever. an interesting experience. it's one of those things i felt i should do before i get older and lose my zest and spirit to do such things. like how i helped out with qurban last year. a truly memorable qiyam and iftar for me i think. i hope at the end of this blessed fasting month i grow to be a better person - on the inside and on the outside.
so tomorrow i turn 23. old sia! i have no specific wish - i just hope whatever things that i do or decisions that i make, is all blessed by God. sometimes the most cruel or painful things one has to do is not the nicest of decisions - but when the situation calls for it - you just have to take the plunge and do it.
10 years ago on this day my maternal grandfather passed away. i will always remember the date because it's just a day shy of my birthday. and also because i was alone at home when i got the call informing me that he passed away that same morning. a tragic death, i feel - he had an asthma attack while having breakfast and he passed away just like that.
10 years on and a lot of things have happened to myself of which he could not witness. i've grown up, went to a few schools here and there, went through ns and now i'm in university. graduating from a university might not be a big deal these days, but considering my ethnicity and my family background - most of the time it always is. my grandpa was to me, as fit as a fiddle even in his 60s. my paternal grandpa is still alive - 80 in 4 days' time. still looking fit as a fiddle too. i hope at least he can live long enough to see me graduate.
in those same 10 years - like i said i have grown. but have i become a better person? a happier person? singapore ranks lowly on the happiness - i was definitely much happier when i was 10. haha. young people wanna grow old faster because they wanna have freedom - but is this the freedom everyone craves for? i wanna be young and youthful once again - because life was much simpler and happier and more meaningful. though i turn a year older tomorrow, so i suppose there's no chance of an age reversal process i guess. a la benjamin button. haha.
2 nights ago i qiyam-ed for the 1st time ever. an interesting experience. it's one of those things i felt i should do before i get older and lose my zest and spirit to do such things. like how i helped out with qurban last year. a truly memorable qiyam and iftar for me i think. i hope at the end of this blessed fasting month i grow to be a better person - on the inside and on the outside.
so tomorrow i turn 23. old sia! i have no specific wish - i just hope whatever things that i do or decisions that i make, is all blessed by God. sometimes the most cruel or painful things one has to do is not the nicest of decisions - but when the situation calls for it - you just have to take the plunge and do it.
Saturday, August 29, 2009
grandma's place
today i broke my fast (is that the right expression?) at my grandparents' place at serangoon. not everyone was there, especially the younger cousins that i adore so much. although my other cousins do make me laugh with their antics and nonsense so i was entertained anyhow. haha. at least it wasn't that boring as it always is. although i think i was more entertained by the micahel jackson tribute thingy on channel 5.
i thought i was going to miss that but we all ended up like breaking fast with our eyes glued to the tv screen. haha. so much for me wanting to make this a better ramadhan. but mj is really larger than life - not just a singer but an entertainer. where have you ever seen footwork like that? although i suspect he got that v neck white undershirt of his from cotton on (really i've yet to find anything decent for guys from that shop). but it was quite a blast as i've never really seen mj in action like that - although i wonder why so many in the crowd ended up tearing like crazy. just pure madness.
on another note the past few days have been turbulent. slowly but surely things have died down - although i could really really do without a lot of the things that have happened. oh well if it is supposed to have turned out like this than that is destiny - i shall just ride it out and pray that the dust will settle soon enough. it's just unfortunate that some people have been wrongly accused, wrong affected, while others just cannot think and act rationally as i would like have them to. oh well - i think i expect too much from people sometimes.
i thought i was going to miss that but we all ended up like breaking fast with our eyes glued to the tv screen. haha. so much for me wanting to make this a better ramadhan. but mj is really larger than life - not just a singer but an entertainer. where have you ever seen footwork like that? although i suspect he got that v neck white undershirt of his from cotton on (really i've yet to find anything decent for guys from that shop). but it was quite a blast as i've never really seen mj in action like that - although i wonder why so many in the crowd ended up tearing like crazy. just pure madness.
on another note the past few days have been turbulent. slowly but surely things have died down - although i could really really do without a lot of the things that have happened. oh well if it is supposed to have turned out like this than that is destiny - i shall just ride it out and pray that the dust will settle soon enough. it's just unfortunate that some people have been wrongly accused, wrong affected, while others just cannot think and act rationally as i would like have them to. oh well - i think i expect too much from people sometimes.
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
annoyance
it can get on your nerves when whatever you do you have to really bear in mind everyone else's opinions and feelings.
this is getting annoying and i don't have much patience.
this is getting annoying and i don't have much patience.
Sunday, August 23, 2009
dreams
this past week i've been dreaming like almost everyday. i know myself well enough that when i dream vividly and i can still remember the dreams long after i've woken up it means that i'm really tired and worn out. the more worn out i get the more i dream and the more vivid they become.
last night (or rather this morning) my dream became an epic of sorts. considering i only really got out of bed at 315pm (haha i was supposed to go to school to print notes etc but i was too tired) that shouldn't sound so surprising. actually i got out of bed at 11am to vacuum my room but soon enough i went back to bed to continue dreaming.
i dreamt of alot of weird and interesting stuffs, of which i shall not post up here. haha. my point is this - what are dreams? are they means and ways of which the devil plays tricks with our minds? or do they really reflect what we think we want in life? or are they reenactments of what we've all gone through? are dreams really opposites of reality? are dreams precursors to what is going to happen to our lives in the future? so many questions yet all of them cannot be answered easily.
on another note i'm being referred to as a insensitive jerk, and idiot and a meano on facebook for all to see. it's fine with me. i got dumped in my first relationship and i sympathise with the sort of angst, since i myself displayed the angst publicly on this very blog like eons ago (or rather on my old blog). so i'm fine and it's probably true. i have no excuse for myself - other than i really could not see any other way out besides going separate ways. as i've said there are certain things in life in which we have to make tough decisions. i think no one else is more sorry than me that this relationship had to end in the most horrible of ways. i know how it feels like to be in her shoes and there is nothing else i could say. it's fine with me if people start turning against me or that sort of thing. things like that always happen but i don't know - at least i still go home to a proper home with a caring mom and and a devoted dad and a sister to mind over sometimes. and also God, whom i believe always open doors for people to seek forgiveness and mercy. i really hope this month will make me a better person.
oh well that's all for now. day one of fasting was spent doing nothing, since like almost 3/4 of it was spent sleeping and dreaming. haha. oh well. it's still great to know arsenal trashed pompey 4-1. its 10 years since i started supporting arsenal by the way. okay toodles.
last night (or rather this morning) my dream became an epic of sorts. considering i only really got out of bed at 315pm (haha i was supposed to go to school to print notes etc but i was too tired) that shouldn't sound so surprising. actually i got out of bed at 11am to vacuum my room but soon enough i went back to bed to continue dreaming.
i dreamt of alot of weird and interesting stuffs, of which i shall not post up here. haha. my point is this - what are dreams? are they means and ways of which the devil plays tricks with our minds? or do they really reflect what we think we want in life? or are they reenactments of what we've all gone through? are dreams really opposites of reality? are dreams precursors to what is going to happen to our lives in the future? so many questions yet all of them cannot be answered easily.
on another note i'm being referred to as a insensitive jerk, and idiot and a meano on facebook for all to see. it's fine with me. i got dumped in my first relationship and i sympathise with the sort of angst, since i myself displayed the angst publicly on this very blog like eons ago (or rather on my old blog). so i'm fine and it's probably true. i have no excuse for myself - other than i really could not see any other way out besides going separate ways. as i've said there are certain things in life in which we have to make tough decisions. i think no one else is more sorry than me that this relationship had to end in the most horrible of ways. i know how it feels like to be in her shoes and there is nothing else i could say. it's fine with me if people start turning against me or that sort of thing. things like that always happen but i don't know - at least i still go home to a proper home with a caring mom and and a devoted dad and a sister to mind over sometimes. and also God, whom i believe always open doors for people to seek forgiveness and mercy. i really hope this month will make me a better person.
oh well that's all for now. day one of fasting was spent doing nothing, since like almost 3/4 of it was spent sleeping and dreaming. haha. oh well. it's still great to know arsenal trashed pompey 4-1. its 10 years since i started supporting arsenal by the way. okay toodles.
Saturday, August 22, 2009
since the last month i blogged, many things have happened.
school has started.
now we are already in the fasting month.
and i am back to being single once again.
as for school - it's already the end of week 2 yet i feel like i'm still in slumber mode. i feel that school has yet to start - although i've really printed out a lot of my readings already. like really a lot. i wish the holidays were still here. oh well. most importantly i've had cash injections recently and is expecting some more injections in the next 2 months or so. yayy! haha.
as for the fasting month - praying terawih was relaxing just now. isn't that the meaning of terawih?(correct me if i'm wrong). i felt peaceful just now and i hope i have a great ramadhan. i hope you guys do too. for me personally, fasting month is when i can totally not think about food and water and think of other more important stuffs like studies. okay i'm not some nerd or anything, it's just 'cos i'm a full time student so i mean studies would somewhat dictate my life direction for now. so almost all resources is geared towards my studies i guess. food and water are really distractions when it comes to studying, so hopefully i'll get to kickstart this semester. well of course i look forward to this month as it is the month that is full of forgiveness and mercy- and that i pray to the Lord for his compassion and mercy, so that He guides me as much as possible to be the servant of God that is expected of all of us. i hope that i benefit greatly from this ramadhan.
as for the breakup - well it hasn't been pretty. if you ask me you could fairly say i'm the bastard in this whole equation. but ask me and hear me out before you pass judgements. though i'm really fine if i'm accused of this and that - simply because some things just cannot be explained in logical or rational terms or i have no excuses. all i know is that the decisions that i have made have been well thought out. it has not been easy, but there are some things in life that require you to make tough and life-changing decisions. and this is one of those.
i just want to be myself and be happy being myself. decisions that i've made have been selfish in nature, though i believe it is in the best interests of all parties. i feel that i'm happier off this way and i'm happy that my life has panned out the way it has so far. sometimes one doesn't realise how past decisions or actions, when looked upon in retrospect, have actually made our own lives better and happier when we didn't think that back then it would. i hope this is one of those things really. all i know life goes on, no matter how badly stained our history will be.
now i go to bed. here's to a brand new tomorrow with day one of fasting.
school has started.
now we are already in the fasting month.
and i am back to being single once again.
as for school - it's already the end of week 2 yet i feel like i'm still in slumber mode. i feel that school has yet to start - although i've really printed out a lot of my readings already. like really a lot. i wish the holidays were still here. oh well. most importantly i've had cash injections recently and is expecting some more injections in the next 2 months or so. yayy! haha.
as for the fasting month - praying terawih was relaxing just now. isn't that the meaning of terawih?(correct me if i'm wrong). i felt peaceful just now and i hope i have a great ramadhan. i hope you guys do too. for me personally, fasting month is when i can totally not think about food and water and think of other more important stuffs like studies. okay i'm not some nerd or anything, it's just 'cos i'm a full time student so i mean studies would somewhat dictate my life direction for now. so almost all resources is geared towards my studies i guess. food and water are really distractions when it comes to studying, so hopefully i'll get to kickstart this semester. well of course i look forward to this month as it is the month that is full of forgiveness and mercy- and that i pray to the Lord for his compassion and mercy, so that He guides me as much as possible to be the servant of God that is expected of all of us. i hope that i benefit greatly from this ramadhan.
as for the breakup - well it hasn't been pretty. if you ask me you could fairly say i'm the bastard in this whole equation. but ask me and hear me out before you pass judgements. though i'm really fine if i'm accused of this and that - simply because some things just cannot be explained in logical or rational terms or i have no excuses. all i know is that the decisions that i have made have been well thought out. it has not been easy, but there are some things in life that require you to make tough and life-changing decisions. and this is one of those.
i just want to be myself and be happy being myself. decisions that i've made have been selfish in nature, though i believe it is in the best interests of all parties. i feel that i'm happier off this way and i'm happy that my life has panned out the way it has so far. sometimes one doesn't realise how past decisions or actions, when looked upon in retrospect, have actually made our own lives better and happier when we didn't think that back then it would. i hope this is one of those things really. all i know life goes on, no matter how badly stained our history will be.
now i go to bed. here's to a brand new tomorrow with day one of fasting.
Friday, July 17, 2009
tough times
calm under pressure.
decisive.
organised.
these few traits that i'm sorely lacking now - hopefully a clear mind can settle them all.
i'm sorry. I need time and i need God.
decisive.
organised.
these few traits that i'm sorely lacking now - hopefully a clear mind can settle them all.
i'm sorry. I need time and i need God.
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
7 months later
wow. i haven't blogged for a freaking 7 months. suddenly i just felt like blogging again. been bored these days. my pc is spoilt so can't play games, i'm just whiling time away while waiting for school to start. many of my friends have also not blogged for eons either. whether i shall start to blog again after this i don't know. this is like something at the spur of the moment sorta thing.
7 months!!
in those 7 months that have passed a lot has been done and accomplished!
1) i went through probably my toughest semester in school
2) i studied hard or well enough so much so my cap didn't change at all
3) i juggled my silat stuffs (which was like a 6th module) throughout this crazy semester
4) i fought in 3 friendlies
5) i went through ivp and actually got a medal!!! unbelieveable!
6) the 1st year anniversary came and it's still coming along well
7) i watched arsenal's season crash and burn in a matter of weeks and could not believe it all
among other things;
my collection of dri-fit shirts has increased. now i have dri-fit shirts that are white,black,sky blue,dark blue,red, green,orange,yellow,purple in colour. what a ridiculous collection of dri-fit shirts i have.
my sonyericsson s500i suffered a stroke on its left side, so some buttons couldn't be used. had to buy a cheap nokia stand-in handphone at the end of december to replace it. later on i realised i could still use the se handphone without using the paralyzed buttons. thn last month i completely destroyed the se handphone when my knee pressed hard on it when i didn't see it was lying on my bed in the dark. the screen went kaput so i was soon back to using the nokia one. then 2 weeks ago i dropped the nokia hp on the bus on the way home, so soon enough i just had to get a brand new proper hp. so now i'll start school with an se c510! not the best or prettiest of phones but still decent enough.
last december i went book crazy at a borders sale (my previous entry touched on this! haha) and well to say this frankly - i've not yet read half of those books yet - i think.maybe more. haha. you know those clothes that you wear once and never wear again? i make those mistakes too with books. plenty of them. i think i might somehow find some motivation to read such stuffs but in the end it just falls flat. what a waste of money. haha. it just makes the bookshelf looks more packed only. so i just finished reading my 1st ever dan brown book (i know i lag behind like crazy) so on to the next one. god knows though when i'm gonna read books i've bought eons ago but that are yet untouched.
i did some spring cleaning the other in my room and uncovered a whole treasure of stuffs. haha. i found a birthday present from tyan (all the way back from my jc days) which i've still yet to open and fix it up (one of those zoids thing you know). i found laminated sheets of paper from my jc form teacher which he included words of encouragement for our class to ponder over. i must admit he really actually cared for us, just that we kinda didn't respond in kind. although! he did say his future classes were worse than us, when i thought we were bad enough. haha.
not forgetting the year 2000 premier league sticker book. haha. i can't believe me and kim lin forked out money to buy the stickers and almost almost completed the book. and after all the effort and sharing the 'burden' he let me have the book. wow. and the rest of stuffs that i have - my lyrics file, my band music scores file, my thick jc history files, the books and what not - all the memories came flooding back.
memories stay, yet friends come and go, i realise. only those few that really stick it through with you - i think that's the truest of friends. i think i'm blessed. somehow. i wonder - i lead a completely average life with not many things that interest me yet somehow almost every single day i realise - there is always something to do with my friends. i wonder.
oh well. school is starting again soon in around a month's time. i look forward to it actually, though i admit the holidays have passed real fast. okay till next time.
7 months!!
in those 7 months that have passed a lot has been done and accomplished!
1) i went through probably my toughest semester in school
2) i studied hard or well enough so much so my cap didn't change at all
3) i juggled my silat stuffs (which was like a 6th module) throughout this crazy semester
4) i fought in 3 friendlies
5) i went through ivp and actually got a medal!!! unbelieveable!
6) the 1st year anniversary came and it's still coming along well
7) i watched arsenal's season crash and burn in a matter of weeks and could not believe it all
among other things;
my collection of dri-fit shirts has increased. now i have dri-fit shirts that are white,black,sky blue,dark blue,red, green,orange,yellow,purple in colour. what a ridiculous collection of dri-fit shirts i have.
my sonyericsson s500i suffered a stroke on its left side, so some buttons couldn't be used. had to buy a cheap nokia stand-in handphone at the end of december to replace it. later on i realised i could still use the se handphone without using the paralyzed buttons. thn last month i completely destroyed the se handphone when my knee pressed hard on it when i didn't see it was lying on my bed in the dark. the screen went kaput so i was soon back to using the nokia one. then 2 weeks ago i dropped the nokia hp on the bus on the way home, so soon enough i just had to get a brand new proper hp. so now i'll start school with an se c510! not the best or prettiest of phones but still decent enough.
last december i went book crazy at a borders sale (my previous entry touched on this! haha) and well to say this frankly - i've not yet read half of those books yet - i think.maybe more. haha. you know those clothes that you wear once and never wear again? i make those mistakes too with books. plenty of them. i think i might somehow find some motivation to read such stuffs but in the end it just falls flat. what a waste of money. haha. it just makes the bookshelf looks more packed only. so i just finished reading my 1st ever dan brown book (i know i lag behind like crazy) so on to the next one. god knows though when i'm gonna read books i've bought eons ago but that are yet untouched.
i did some spring cleaning the other in my room and uncovered a whole treasure of stuffs. haha. i found a birthday present from tyan (all the way back from my jc days) which i've still yet to open and fix it up (one of those zoids thing you know). i found laminated sheets of paper from my jc form teacher which he included words of encouragement for our class to ponder over. i must admit he really actually cared for us, just that we kinda didn't respond in kind. although! he did say his future classes were worse than us, when i thought we were bad enough. haha.
not forgetting the year 2000 premier league sticker book. haha. i can't believe me and kim lin forked out money to buy the stickers and almost almost completed the book. and after all the effort and sharing the 'burden' he let me have the book. wow. and the rest of stuffs that i have - my lyrics file, my band music scores file, my thick jc history files, the books and what not - all the memories came flooding back.
memories stay, yet friends come and go, i realise. only those few that really stick it through with you - i think that's the truest of friends. i think i'm blessed. somehow. i wonder - i lead a completely average life with not many things that interest me yet somehow almost every single day i realise - there is always something to do with my friends. i wonder.
oh well. school is starting again soon in around a month's time. i look forward to it actually, though i admit the holidays have passed real fast. okay till next time.
Tuesday, December 09, 2008
kurban
hello blog!
i haven blogged for a few months i think! haha. sorry man, just had no mood to blog at all. then when i wanted to the exams came and passed and i didn;t have the patience to just sit down and blog for a while.
so what has been happening? nothing much i guess. i thought the exams that just passed were okay, except for one paper. at least the general feeling is better than last semester. but add to that i have a new group of people and friends who were willing to also just spend long hours at the school library, even on saturdays and sundays. for weeks we led a sad life but i hope all the effort would pay off eventually.
arsenal has gone through a somewhat inconsistent patch lately. probably the most annoying was the loss to villa following the win over manchester united. their season has been largely inconsistent, and i think its due to a lot of factors. an ineffective captain, a few underperforming players and several players who are really not good enough to make the cut. alot of people are really not the best of managers but it doesn't take a genius to figure out that players like bendtner and eboue are never going to be good enough. seriously. after eboue's horror show against wigan it just confirmed what i think of him - a player who's strength is just plain speed and that's all. for wenger to expect him to play as a right winger, his finishing is really atrocious. i don't recall him scoring and i don't expect him to do so. as for bendtner, the guy is big but looks clumsy all the time. even adebayor might be big but at least he scores and is more consistent. although i'm still tearing my hair out at how the team doesn't want to score from long range, although nasri has done so and denilson has shown he does try once in a while. i really think a few old heads should be brought in and some of those youngsters should really be sold off.
last saturday i went book-crazy at the borders sale. me and fabian went there at 12+ and left only at around 3+. i thought it was worth going there. novels went at $5, and alot of non-fiction books went for the same price too. although strictly speaking i bought more of those kiddy-books haha. as in those kind that are more interactive and with more graphics and makes for simpler reading. in total i spent $96.12 and fabian spent around $71. haha. for books i think it's no issue that i spend such an amount. after raiding borders i met up with the guys at dhoby ghaut and spent the whole day just slacking around and playing games with them. quite fun. this was somewhat like a follow-up to the post-exam party the previous night.
the other day i watched bolt with nana. it's quite funny and cute. i'm the kind that don't really laugh out even when i watch something funny or comedies, but bolt made me laugh out a few times so i think it says alot. but maybe you might want to download it online and watch on your computer though. nevertheless i think it's worth catching! haha.
yesterday i spent most of the day at tentera mosque helping out with the qurban. my 1st time ever! i went with hanan who was also making his debut! haha. there were other people like hasan, harun, hakim etc etc. i was quite an eye-opener. all 174 sheeps were slaughtered. i've never seen a live slaughter before actually. i actually felt abit pitiful initially (although one is not supposed to) but after a very short while everything felt very routine. i just got numb seeing all the faeces and blood spilling all over and there were alot of sheep to be slaughtered! haha. we didn't slaughter any but most of us just help to hold the sheep in place so that it would be easier to slaughter them.
some were fighters to the end, struggling and kicking about (i got kicked at my heels 5 or 6 times!). some had horns already. but most were submissive. they just lay still, only occasionally moving about. i think they know salvation is what they will achieve for all this. at least they know they are guaranteed paradise - but what of us? one thing is that yesterday's session made me feel closer to the Almighty.
and after the whole thing was over the smell was unmistakeable - we all smelt like sheep/goats. me hanan and hasan walked all the way to the MPSH in school so that we could take our time and bathe. along the way people could jsut see how dirty and smelly we were. haha. the smell was hard to get rid off. after bathing the smell still stuck to our palms and feet. haha. but i think it was worth the experience really. though i've got a cut on my left sole and my arms are aching now.
okay that's all for now i suppose. training resumes back later although i am going to be hampered by the cuts and bruises here and there i suppose. see you all later!
i haven blogged for a few months i think! haha. sorry man, just had no mood to blog at all. then when i wanted to the exams came and passed and i didn;t have the patience to just sit down and blog for a while.
so what has been happening? nothing much i guess. i thought the exams that just passed were okay, except for one paper. at least the general feeling is better than last semester. but add to that i have a new group of people and friends who were willing to also just spend long hours at the school library, even on saturdays and sundays. for weeks we led a sad life but i hope all the effort would pay off eventually.
arsenal has gone through a somewhat inconsistent patch lately. probably the most annoying was the loss to villa following the win over manchester united. their season has been largely inconsistent, and i think its due to a lot of factors. an ineffective captain, a few underperforming players and several players who are really not good enough to make the cut. alot of people are really not the best of managers but it doesn't take a genius to figure out that players like bendtner and eboue are never going to be good enough. seriously. after eboue's horror show against wigan it just confirmed what i think of him - a player who's strength is just plain speed and that's all. for wenger to expect him to play as a right winger, his finishing is really atrocious. i don't recall him scoring and i don't expect him to do so. as for bendtner, the guy is big but looks clumsy all the time. even adebayor might be big but at least he scores and is more consistent. although i'm still tearing my hair out at how the team doesn't want to score from long range, although nasri has done so and denilson has shown he does try once in a while. i really think a few old heads should be brought in and some of those youngsters should really be sold off.
last saturday i went book-crazy at the borders sale. me and fabian went there at 12+ and left only at around 3+. i thought it was worth going there. novels went at $5, and alot of non-fiction books went for the same price too. although strictly speaking i bought more of those kiddy-books haha. as in those kind that are more interactive and with more graphics and makes for simpler reading. in total i spent $96.12 and fabian spent around $71. haha. for books i think it's no issue that i spend such an amount. after raiding borders i met up with the guys at dhoby ghaut and spent the whole day just slacking around and playing games with them. quite fun. this was somewhat like a follow-up to the post-exam party the previous night.
the other day i watched bolt with nana. it's quite funny and cute. i'm the kind that don't really laugh out even when i watch something funny or comedies, but bolt made me laugh out a few times so i think it says alot. but maybe you might want to download it online and watch on your computer though. nevertheless i think it's worth catching! haha.
yesterday i spent most of the day at tentera mosque helping out with the qurban. my 1st time ever! i went with hanan who was also making his debut! haha. there were other people like hasan, harun, hakim etc etc. i was quite an eye-opener. all 174 sheeps were slaughtered. i've never seen a live slaughter before actually. i actually felt abit pitiful initially (although one is not supposed to) but after a very short while everything felt very routine. i just got numb seeing all the faeces and blood spilling all over and there were alot of sheep to be slaughtered! haha. we didn't slaughter any but most of us just help to hold the sheep in place so that it would be easier to slaughter them.
some were fighters to the end, struggling and kicking about (i got kicked at my heels 5 or 6 times!). some had horns already. but most were submissive. they just lay still, only occasionally moving about. i think they know salvation is what they will achieve for all this. at least they know they are guaranteed paradise - but what of us? one thing is that yesterday's session made me feel closer to the Almighty.
and after the whole thing was over the smell was unmistakeable - we all smelt like sheep/goats. me hanan and hasan walked all the way to the MPSH in school so that we could take our time and bathe. along the way people could jsut see how dirty and smelly we were. haha. the smell was hard to get rid off. after bathing the smell still stuck to our palms and feet. haha. but i think it was worth the experience really. though i've got a cut on my left sole and my arms are aching now.
okay that's all for now i suppose. training resumes back later although i am going to be hampered by the cuts and bruises here and there i suppose. see you all later!
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