raya

hari raya is like a kedai mamak - it's just round the corner.

so this year my mom didn't make any orders for baju kurung for the family. so we'll be wearing what we wore 2 years ago, which is quite nice actually. i've always wondered when we will ever stop making baju kurung yearly. really, i hardly wear baju kurung throughout the year (even on fridays i wear a dri-fit tshirt to the mosque). so the many-many baju kurung that take up the space in my wardrobe just rot away not being used.

this year my house is like a bakery. the past week especially - everyday i go home there's always some new kuih to greet me when i reach home. at least 6 types now. and just now i saw that even kerepeks have been stowed away in the kitchen cabinets. though this year my mom and dad aren't weaving ketupats - something i've tried to learn doing since my primary school days, but it's probably among the most complex things malays ever invented. like seriously.

and next week is recess week - but it's gonna be filled up with raya outings i feel. aiyah. i should be studying a lot. especially when i still haven't found my studying impetus. it's quite disturbing. and somehow i've felt so much more lethargic and tired throughout the fasting month, which has been affecting my concentration in class. of course it's exacerbated by the fact i still play pes2009 and fm09 very often till late in the morning. haha.

and it seems like everyone is writing self-reflections on their blogs, to note if they've become a better person after a whole month of fasting. i don't think i actually have, and yes i've been quite lazy this past month. but this month i read quite abit of the Quran, i did my 1st ever qiyammulail (yayy!), performed my 1st ever tasbih prayers and never missed any prayers (i mean the compulsory 5 times a day) during the fasting month. i do keep up with my terawihs at home or at the mosque, and many times i have been able to break fast at home. there are times (not that many! haha) which i miss my prayers in my course of life and feel rather guilty about it, but i think during the fasting month this becomes even worse.

i'm not like criticising anyone out there but it's just my point of view - that if you don't do the compulsory stuffs (especially the 5 daily prayers) then you might as well not fast. personally i really think it's weird that a lot of people fast yet they don't keep up with their prayers. prayers is something one should be performing everyday of their lives, even outside of the fasting month. i don't see the point in fasting if one doesn't pray.

like when i was doing my NS and during the fasting month i had to go to taiwan as part of my training. i somewhat had problems keeping up with my prayers (which of course on hindsight i should have really done better). but my is thinking this - i could actually attempt to fast through the training, but if i was already having problems trying to do my prayers then i saw no point in keeping my fast. that was what i believed in. of cos it's quite an erroneous and controversial sort of thinking but you get my point right.

this actually went against another one of my beliefs - that i should always do what i can, to the best of my abilities, even though i know i probably might sin somewhere along the way. we all sin i suppose, sometimes unknowingly. but for me i try and do my part in doing damage limitation - i usually curse and cuss and swear when i talk sometimes( for example), and yes i admit i'm not pious or angelic but i mean i do try (i hope) to do good or perform my religious obligations as much as i think i can, trying to suit to the time and place and context. maybe i don't go all out, but i try to make sure my foundations are strong i suppose. although sometimes the temptations and the works of the Devil - something every human being faces every day.

but well i think this past fasting month has been quite average for me, but i think it's quite important that i've tried to do things that i've never done before, in the hope of gaining merit and also kickstarting something that i might want to continue doing in the future. like helping out in the qurban last hari raya haji, and the qiyammulail i did 3 weeks ago. and once raya and syawal kicks in - wow all the assignment deadlines will also come one by one. really looking forward to the end of the year actually.

the die is cast and the Rubicon has been crossed. but Rome is still far away. many roads lead to Rome, and certainly Rome wasn't built in a day.