1 week break

it has been a very eventful past few days, and i forsee a lengthy entry ahead.

and visit this website please people! http://megacarnival08.wordpress.com/

(those who don't tune in to football, two things - firstly, skip the next 4 paragraphs for obvious reasons, and secondly, for the love of God, do tune in! you're really missing out alot!)

been wanting to blog about the football matches on the past weekend. since it has really been a very interesting one for me. for starters, i think everyone would have read about eduardo's horrific injury. i saw the video on it and the tackle was quite horrible. eduardo suffered a fractured leg and a dislocated ankle, and most probably we won't see him in action till next year. which is real sad, because firstly he's from arsenal (like damn it!), and secondly, he's really a skillful player. martin taylor should be banned further! it was a tackle was really uncalled for.

if anyone tunes in to la liga or the serie a, what i'm going to talk about next might interest you. especially those who caught the real madrid-getafe match and the reggina-juventus match. for the first match, real lost 1-0 to controversial circumstances. real was having an off day and when they finally scored the opener, around 6-7 real players celebrated at the opposing corner flag. but the goal was ruled offside, and getafe quickly took the freekick. they counter-attacked and it was 4 against 2, and eventually getafe scored from that counter-attack. real could never muster a goal from the match, and lost in front of their home fans. i find it all so funny. for the 2nd match, juventus managed to grab the equaliser after going down 1-0. then reggina attacked, and a cross was sent in from the right. sissoko (yes he's at juventus now) attempted to clear the ball. but the manner in which he did it was really outrageous. he attempted and improvised overhead or bicycle kick to clear the ball, and at such a height, he was obviously going to miss it (which he did, anyway). in any case he caught the back of a reggina player and the referee blew for a penalty. a little more and the swipe of sissoko's boot would really have caught the player's head or face. juventus lost 2-1 because of sissoko's folly.

well, what can i say? it sissoko. if anyone ever saw him play you'll know how horrible he is. what kind of player would attempt an overhead/bicycle kick in your own penalty area to deal with a cross? it's not like hes short or anything, hes 1.93m tall for goodness sake. and for attempting such a clearance he could have just injured the opponent in the face or something, which is quite serious. but then again sissoko doesn't play with his brains. i seriously wonder, that how come for someone his age (he's only 23) and for the player that he is, he has already played for 3 big clubs - valencia, liverpool, and now juventus. only God knows how.

then again the past weekend i watched a few matches in la liga and serie a. and alot of players area really really good. you wonder how they have the temperament to pull of skills and tricks in high-tempo and high-intensity matches. joaquin of valencia is really good, and so is silva. zigic is just a freak at such height ( he's 2.02M tall) but he seems lousy. amauri of palermo is very good also, and no wonder clubs want him. there is much hype about milan's oddo's high quality crossing abilities, and from what i saw it isn't just hype. it seems true. and well, i don't think i have to say much about players like eto'o, messi, xavi. i used to admire xavi alot, because he seems to be able to do everything very well - dribble, pass, tackle, head, shoot, score. the epitome of the central midfielder is really xavi.

okay enough about soccer. last saturday's bbq at east coast was a blast. haha when it's out with people from bp, expect non-stop laughter and nonsense. and last saturday was no different. it was nice to see alot of people i hardly see around, and to spend a saturday night with old friends is always nice. sunday was spent at golden mile complex (don't ask me why okay haha).

tuesday was spent karaoke-ing with friends. haha. i'm not really into karaoke-ing, but i've done it a few times before. having said that, everyone knows for a fact i cannot sing. but in any case it was a great session with hanan, haekal, fahmi, fadhli, zuraimi and iza. but the sad thing is partyworld will close down in 2 days' time. it's so sad. and k-box is so expensive. looks like we can't really karaoke in clementi anymore then. this week is the 1 week break from school, but i haven't really been able to hit the books yet. the things is the readings are such a chore. even things like history (supposed to be among my favourite subjects), i dread reading. especially of asian history, and even more when it comes to early history. you know, those 2000BC kinda history which involves archeological digs and all to find pieces of pottery and fossils. that kind of history is so primitive and very backward, and i don't like it. i much prefer modern history.

okay i want to talk deep also. i just feel like doing so.

i want to talk of the matters of the heart. my heart. firstly the area around my heart hurts, because yesterday i accidentally got kicked there in training. but that's physical. to talk of the figurative heart, it is a tricky topic. me and na'im have talked abit recently, and i realise that with regards to matters of the heart, our positions don't differ much. we are facing problems and issues. i am facing issues head on, and i have no idea what to do.

i think it is sad. i am not the most eligible person around, but neither am i the scum of the earth. same goes for na'im. i wish things were never this way. i wonder what else do i have to do. i wonder why things turn out this way. and i wonder why it doesn't turn out this way for other people. i wonder why it cannot turn out like other people. things get complicated as one grows older, and this goes the same for the personal matters of the heart.

the interesting issue when it comes to this stage of life is this - do we bear in mind issues of marriage too when we like someone? is that an important criteria in liking someone? do we have to imagine the rest of our lives together, and feel whether there is a future for both of us? do we picture building a home and future, with kids running around? it is a very interesting thought. and a passing thought too.

in any case, i'll be frank and say i'm really at the crossroads now, still choosing which way to go - to go straight, turn left or right, or make a u-turn. i also don't know what is there to hope for, and whether do i need to hope for anything anymore. i wonder what is the next step that na'im will take, and everyone also wonders what i'm going to do next. i can tell you i'm as clueless as you all are. the good thing about life is it isn't all about personal stuffs only.

okay that's all for today. i think that's enough melancholy for today.

lethargic

i have just passed the most tiring week so far in school. ever.

what a relief. school has been really weighing me down, mainly because of the history essay that i had to complete. basically it's a take home mid-term test essay, 1500 words complete full with citations and references. the questions were released on tuesday, and were expected to be handed in before 5pm on friday. it was crazy.

i only started to read sme of the readings only on tuesday. and by wednesday i still hadn't started, despite giving training a miss. i only started on the essay properly at 3pm on thursday, with just under 26 hours to go. the last time i did such a thing was with na'im. with just 36 hours to go, we just went for the jugular. and for a paper that was started upon with only 36 hours to go (3000 words mind you!), the grade that we got was not too bad at all. well i managed to complete it anyway by 2am+ on friday morning. considering i really didn't know how to tackle the question at the beginning, i think it's still not too bad. for more criticisms about the troubles of doing this essay, do visit fairus' and gad's blog. haha. and the thing is, there is going to be another term essay for this module of the same length. it means we will have to do 2 essays in the end. it doesn't help every module has a term essay to do.

and the hardest among them, is the exposure history modules. of all the modules! the questions are really hard, even harder than this paper that i just completed. it's crazy. and considering next week is the term break, and i also haeve quite abit of non-studies activities excitingly lined up already, it's really going to weigh me down.

so that's why i've been lethargic this past week. not enough sleep+history exposure module test on tues+history term paper due on friday+talk on judgement day on tuesday+classes+readings+hokkien class on thursday and friday. and this is without any silat trainings or gym sessions. haha. finally a break from all this! but after school starts again, back to the hectic schedules!

oh and about the hokkien class. crazy me signed up for the hokkien conversational class. so did izarina, fahmi, fadhli and nadia. it was fun. the only hokkien that i know is probably a range of vulgarities, and some funny terms that jj and fab always like to use and i learn from hearing them speak. haha. but i think i know abit more from now. it's quite interesting to note how vulgar hokkien sounds, even if what is being said isn't. it is also interesting to note how beautiful arabic also sounds, yet sometimes when you hear the translation it isn't something pleasant. haha.

in any case we were quite enthusiastic in learning i guess. haha. even if we are never going to really converse in hokkien daily, it's quite interesting to learn abit. maybe i can ask jj and fab to teach me even more. i would like to go for more hokkien classes! haha. but the teacher was kind. in any case, he can speak english mandarin hokkien cantonese teochew hainanese japanese and basic malay. that's really quite impressive. one fine day i should pick up a proper 3rd language. it's a shame i could never really master arabic. in any case i won't take a 3rd language in school anyway. okay so now i can count from 1 to 99 in hokkien i guess. haha. can't remember what 100 in hokkien is though. well at least among the 5 of us, we can spew all sorts of nonsense to each other if we meet up next time. haha.

so later on i have a bp bbq at east coast park, which i'm going with fairus and hanan. tomorrow is a trip down to golden mile centre with some of the rest, probably i'm playing the role of a tour guide and middleman. haha. then tuesday is the karaoke session, then wednesday/thursday is the cycling session at east coast park. thn saturday there is the silat performance at hougang. i wonder how come i have so many things on, considering the lack of social life i enjoy. haha. in any case it is always a much-needed welcome break from studies.

okay la that's about it now. wa ai ki jiak peng liao. buay tahan leh.

slack

and overdue entry, but not as overdue as na'im's. haha.

last tuesday i went for my run again, and this time round i made it further - to the huge playground at west coast park, where the mccafe is situated at. i think in total i ran around 3+ kilometres? maybe closer to 4km. but i didn't feel as tired as i was the previous week. maybe my pace was more relaxed, and in any case running in a park is much more relaxing than running along the roads and haveing to brave the fumes for those huge ass container trucks that always zoom by to the port. it was quite a nice feeling to reach the playground, at the time when the sun was about to set. after heading back to school i popped by for the muslim youth intelligentsia series. well, alot of questions were posed but hardly any answers were given. in any case it was alot of poeple just trying to impress each other with what they know (me included) and no more than that. well in any case i had no interest in the topic whatsoever. the next one, where the theme will be the synonimity between being malay and muslim, sounds interesting. next week's talk on the science of the end of the world sounds rather interesting. i think i'll have to skip my runs then for this tuesday.

after training on wednesday me and na'im had the sepupu (cousin) challenge. i challenged him on how fast we could et our roti prata. i had 2 eggs and 2 plain, he had 1 egg and 1 plain. and by the time i was done with mine he had only eaten his egg prata. haha. anyway when it comes to something i like to eat i suppose i will eat it fast. haha no such thing as enjoying the food slowly for me. unless you throw me something that i loathe (spaghetti, for instance) then i will probably take my time over it.

yesterday we pulled off the 100 people mob gag on amirah and it was fun! but damn it i was so caught up with it i didn't capture the thing on video, even thought i was holding the digicam. damn it! i feel so guilty, because only i saw the whole thing happening from the back! it was nice, but i wished everyone could have seen it for themselves. what happened was we were walking up the slop after training, and everyone was walking around amirah. then from the back i shouted bomb! and everyone else reacted by squatting down and tucking in their heads! haha. it was a pre-rehearsed move already, and amirah reacted likewise! it was funny because she just followed what we all did. it's just wasted that i couldn't get it on the camera damn it! anyway we got our inspiration from this youtube video, in case you haven't watched it - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bj0Ma2CsHME.

yesterday i also went to my paternal grandparent's place. a mini-celebration of my cousin's birthday. in any case nowadays i like to listen to what my grandpa, my uncles and my dad talk about. it's very interesting to hear them talk about alot of things. yesterday was about fruits, johor, work accidents, certain history sites of singapore etc etc. very interesting stuff. and i've been asking around to find out how old their grandparents are as compared to mine. because the thing is my grandpa is 79 this year, and my grandma isn't that far behind. even the maternal step-grandma is well into her 70s too, and if my maternal grandpa was still alive today, he would be 79 too. well yes, my family is abit aged. usually by the age 80, alot of malay people would have great-grandchildren already but it won't happen anytime soon in my family just yet.

in any case it was interesting to hear the conversations. and my grandfather is certainly an adventurous kind. he likes to go around anywhere alone, and for his age he's still quite active! haha. he even knows the fish soup at the banquet in geylang is nicer than the one at vivocity. he's brave enough to take the public buses alone in and around the jb area (and i have been criticised for going to jb alone to shop!). he knows the processes of how a body is exhumed in singapore. and because he grew up in singapore in the 1930s, so he knows what singapore was like before world war II. like how areas like bishan, serangoon (the very plot of land on which my grandparents' flat is) were cemetaries. how areas like cambridge road (near farrer park) were full of fruit plantations and nurseries. and kolam ayer was a pig farm area! the area around cedar girls' school today was where the hindus used to cremate dead bodies in the open, and the smell of the kerosense would just waft around the whole area. and he used to work as a grass-cutter once! haha. seriously i've no idea what he worked as in his youth. as far as i know by the time i was born i think he had retired already by then.

he still does gardening as and when he can in johor i think. in any case he's one of those bigwigs among the boyanese pondok community i think. haha. because boyanese people used to live in pondoks around the farrer park area in the interwar years especially, so they were a really closely-knit community. my dad knows people from the pondoks too i guess, but as for me - well, let's just say this boyanese knows not a single boyanese word, much less know who's who in the community. in any case my grandfather sounds like someone great! haha. although one thing in common that me my dad and my grandpa has is that we like to go around places alone. haha. it seems my grandpa likes to 'merayap' around on his own. my dad does this too on a saturday, when he'll just take buses and get lost somewhere in and around singapore to sightsee. i do that myself when i go to places alone, to find out how this place looks like and what not. and the other thing in common is the temper. my grandpa and my dad has a horrible temper. so do i. haha. so yes, do not rub the wrong side of me. this is a warning. haha.

even my late maternal grandpa - i think he's something like a bigwig among his community. they have some nickname for him as a form of respect of that sort. all i know in his youth he was an avid biker - owning up to 6 bikes at a time! haha. and he played badminton regularly too. but he was the soft-spoken type, unlike my paternal grandpa. although i was also not sure what he worked as in his youth. oh yes i've mentioned this all before about my grandfathers on my blog. now i remember. i'm making it sound as if my grandpas were/are really great people in their own right. well, at least in my minds they are! haha.

well it's just that i find it amazing to find out how my grandpas were in their youth, and how they can still stay active even when they are in their twilight years. my only wish is that when i grow old like in my 60s and 70s, i still can fend for myself and still be able to think with a rational mind. when i hear of stories of people just not taking care of their parents in their twilight years, it makes me sad. i pray that i will not be among those who do so, and i don't want to be treated like that either. people who never fend for their parents in their twilight years incur the wrath of God, and that isn't nice at all. in any case, i always wish even in my 60s or 70s i can still go around singapore on my own, still be able to play badminton with my friends and still go out and do alot of stuffs. or even have the sane mind to read.

that was a very long and random entry. ok sorry people.

depressed

warning: i think the entry will be quite long.



the week has been rather interesting. the other day on tuesday, i went for a run and when i reached back i was really gasping for air. that is how unfit i am. and i'm quite sure the maximum distance that i ran was around 2km plus. but i think that helped me the next day in training, since i felt fine after going through the paces in training. i think running does help, although if i still tire out too soon after a short run i have no idea how i am ever going to improve on my fitness.


on thursday the night cycling central committee went to sembawang park for an outing. well, the beach was really awash with a lot of non-chinese, but i didn't expect them to be that many. if sembawang park was as packed as that, i wondered how east coast would be like then. in any case we played a lot of games, dared each other to do nonsensical stuffs and of course, camwhored. the photos are on facebook so do check them out. after the outing we went to causeway point to have dinner at banquet - alas, it wasn't open so we walked to al-ameen at woodgrove and ordered food to take away, and ended up eating dinner at a playground somewhere in the middle of the hdb flats of woodlands. haha. but yes, the whole thing was fun. although people really stared at us since all of use were wearing the committee shirts.

well my watch strap broke when i was playing captain's ball, so now i'm left with 1 watch out of 3. i lost my actual watch around 3 weeks ago, and now the reserve watch is broken. the watch that i'm left with is too nice to be worn to school. haha. so i need to find a new watch! but there isn't any cheap ones out there anymore. well at least for the type of watch i'm looking for. it's quite annoying. yes, you might say a watch is now redundant nowadays since handphones and even mp3 players keep track of time. well, i'm too used to just looking at my wrist for the time and this might sound wrong but i feel naked without wearing a watch.

just now i had training and i did okay i think. till sparring time came, i fared rather badly. i was against jason, and it was his first time sparring. well i kinda lost to him, since i didn't put up much of a fight. i don't know why. firstly i think i didn't really want to exert myself because the injury on my right foot keeps coming back. i seriously have no idea how long it will take to heal completely, since it's been more than 1 and a half months already since i first got injured. it really is annoying when it sometimes hampers me in training. add to that now a sudden back strain as i'm typing, and my left inner thigh is hurting like mad because there's a pull there. in any case i haven't really gotten my techniques in training right yet. i'm really struggling and way behind others. i'm quite slow in picking up alot of things. unfortunately, this is also amonng them. well guess all i know is that i try to do what i can within my limits.

alot of things in life i've never really been able to do properly even though i do spend quite abit of time on it. like in my secondary school days. i was in the military band, i actually became leader of my section. sounds impressive. but i can't even blow the trumpet properly. i could never reach the high C note, and i could never tongue my notes properly. and that considering i spent around 3 years with my trusted trumpet. i've been playing badminton since secondary one but my skills have never improved. football? that goes without saying. my style of play has also never changed over the years. i don't know, i feel that i'm not really good with things that require a certain amount of skills. i always wonder how people can be good at let's say playing the guitar, at football, bowling, singing all at 1 time. seriously if you ask me to name something that i'm good at with my hands or something that requires a certain level of skill, i can't really name you anything. all i can tell you is i know probably almost all the capital cities of the world, and maybe add in their currencies as well, and how their flag looks like, and where they are on the world map. well that is quite a useless piece of skill, if you ask me. unless i have to appear on whose line is it anyway often, then that's a different story altogether.

the general mood is now of sadness i guess. i don't know, i feel more down than up nowadays. is just some general melancholy that has hit me. maybe it's gotta do with the workload that is going to pile up, with all the deadlines that i have to meet. and mostly my personal life, which is just about as messy as pakistani politics right now. oh well. i'm stuck and i don't know where to head to.

i have no idea what to do now, since i'm at a loss. i need some timely divine intervention to drag me out of this mess!

crazy

i'm officially going crazy.

for the past 7 nights, 4 of those nights i have dreamt of my night cycling central committee.

and this is when the event has already long passed.

initially out of the 1st 4 nights, 3 of them were dreams about the cen comm. when i thought they have stopped then yesterday i dreamt about some of them again. doing recce at that! with a huge ass map that didn't even resemble ANY parts of singapore.

if it's not about recce, than its about the actual event itself, or even meetings.

haha is this the hangover effects, like nuclear fallout kind of effects? post-event mental trauma of that kind. it's not like i've been thinking hard about it or anything of that sort. i hope this passes over then. haha i don't want to keep dreaming of recces and meetings and bicycles and routes and what not.

in any case i got injured again during the last training. blocked a kick while sparring and in the process my right foot (again!) got whacked. it was funny actually because hanan got injured against the same opponent, and i actually came in to replace him. in any case, he got injured at the right foot too. when i walked out of the area i just looked at hanan and we just both laughed. it's just funny we got the injury against the same person, me after him, and at the same spot. haha. reminds me of that minor accident that i had with him during night cycling. i was riding fast back to fetch the next wave of cyclists and i wanted to make a right turn ahead. but suddenly at the path junction a tyre stuck out and i couldn't avoid it in time. i didn't see the cyclist coming becausemy view of the path was blocked by a hedge of some sort. in any case my bicycle just crashed into the tyre and i flew. i landed on my back and picked myself up, only to see that i had crashed into hanan, of all people. we just laughed because it was all so funny. luckily i didn't suffer any injuries, but his front tyre got punctured.

and na'im's brother got married yesterday. and i went down and so did my friends, who played the kompang. and there were other friends too, since the bride is a teacher, so apparently some of my friends were ex-students of hers. i just went around to take photos and video shots of the couple and also of my friends. the rain threatened to spoil the day but luckily it didn't rain heavily and for long. marriage is such a huge and messy affair, so i don't want to get married so soon! haha. i think i'll get that car and work my ass off first, then i'll talk about it.

well for now i should just happily stick to my readings of suharto and general ne win and of negotiations and the spanish conquest of mexico and what not. and not think of night cycling stuffs anymore. errgh.

tennis

this is the 1st time in years that i've blogged a 2nd time on the same day.

in any case, now its recurring foot injury+groin strain+mild bout of diarrhoea+fever+lower back strain=an unproductive sunday.

in any case today is the first time since 2004 that i watched a live tennis match. the last time i watched a live tennis game was when sharapova won wimbledon all the way back in 2004 as a giggly 17-year old. i still remember that when she was interviewed immediately after that match, it was obvious on the court she seemed older than she was - but off it, she seems like any other 17 year old girl. she was so excited and jumpy as she won her 1st ever grand slam title, and that signalled the rise of a starlet. today's match also announced the arrival of novak djokovic and jo-wilfried tsonga to the world stage. it is interesting how tsonga's shots can just take the speed of the ball away, but djokovic made lesser unforced errors as compared to tsonga. but tsonga's style of play is really interesting. and djokovic still battled through his injury to win. in any case it was refreshing to see new faces in grand slam finals, other than always having to see roger federer always in the finals. anyway i think the shirt that djokovic wore is damn nice. haha. well, both players are sponsored by adidas anyway.

and today we witnessed the passing of the late suharto. i think my readings in 1 of the modules i am taking this semester (government and politics of southeast asia)uld really touch alot on suharto's role in indonesia's growth and development. i think the module is extremely interesting, since i've always really wanted to know the development of this region politically since WWII. oh well, i think this would then put more spotlight on suharto's 32-year reign indonesia.

okay that's all that i wanted top blog about. hopefully tomorrow i'll wake up feeling better.

unwell

the past week has been an interesting week.

with the after action review/post mortem of the night cycling event somewhat done, i suppose i can close that chapter already. it's been great getting involved in the event, and i hope everyone in the committee had fun working with one another. i did, and yes i believe there won't be such a committee as crazy as this. i think it proves that one doesn't have to be ultra-serious in nature to get things done. haha.

on another note i'm gaining back even more injuries. my foot injury has not healed yet, and add to that i have a groin strain on the right side. that's just great. i probably understand now why athletes or sportsman always incur alot of niggling injuries that take forever to heal. and even so, some kind of past injuries might come back to haunt them. sometimes i have trouble walking because of this groin strain, but i think it should clear up soon. it's quite annoying when i can't try harder because of restrictions due to my injuries. in any case, my fitness is really horrible, so i should seriously start running on my own.

yesterday evening my jc classmates had a barbecue to celebrate thomas' and gq's brithday at gq's place. even though i live like a few bus stops from there, i was the 2nd last to arrive. haha. in any case when i arrived, which was around 815pm, there were struggling to get the fire started. it was only at around 940pm then did the charcoal start to burn. i think the charcoal was really of poor quality. since much of the charcoal could not really catch fire, the fire actually burned out in just under 2 hours. although we did manage to barbecue some food actually.

but it was nicer meeting back some who i haven't seen in ages. it's always very nice to see how everyone else has grown up and change, but some things just never change. like the way how some people laugh (read: fang). 5 years ago seems the way it is 5 years on. it's scary to imagine what it will be 5 years later, when most of us will be 27. i always wonder why kids nowadays want to act like they are so grown up. and then when they actually do grow older, they wish they didn't have to. life when i was younger was so much more carefree and we all had lesser worries and things to think about. and now, we are faced with things that are more 'real'. issues of money, marriage, parents love, studies etc will always dominate how we think and how we want our lives to progress towards. i'm too scared to even think of the future, and that's why i like to hark back on the past. at least it has already happened.

in any case recently i've had various interesting conversations with quite a number of people with regards to love matters. i think ever since i've started school, i've heard more stories about people's love lives and their personal lives than i have ever done so in my whole life. it is interesting to note that almost everyone has their story to tell. in any case, there is no one size fits all solution for all love matters, since they emerge out of various factors and reasons, and they happen in different circumstances and surroundings. i am not that great an advisor, but i hope i can be a good listening ear. the most interesting thing is how we can always try and seek solutions for other people, but yet we can't even find proper solutions to our own problems.

in any case i woke up today feeling queasy. i think it's because during the barbecue yesterday i kept drinking 7up and root beer and some mirinda drinks 1 after another, so my stomach has an adverse reaction to it. in any case i think it's a mild bout of diarrhoea so i feel a little under the weather now. i think i shall just go down and lie on my bed and attempt to read my readings. haha. hopefully that chases away the diarrhoea thing.

recurring foot injury+groin strain+mild bout of diarrhoea=a sleepy and draggy sunday that just punishes the life out of me.

night cycling is over

okay so the night cycling event is over! haha.

well as expected the event started late. i knew it would just start late haha. but at least it ended on time. well to tell you all the truth if you ask me to review the event, i'll tell you frankly i feel like that whole night was just a dream. i feel very numb about it. it's like the whole thing passed through, like it never happened. haha. on the whole i think the event was carried out decently.

i mean, alot of people were quite perturbed already about the not-so-safe nature of the route. well some made their feelings clear, but i felt at the end of the day things turned out okay. well of course, the power of hindsight tells me we could have done better. but i think considering what had happened, i think we did what we could. i felt i had the right people in my team in the right places, and we all kinda helped each other out.

but i hope everyone had a great time during the event. i had fun though organising the event. at least firstly, no thanks to me actually handpicking most of the members of my committee. haha. reeks of corruption, nepotism and cronyism doesn't it? haha but it's important! at least the meeting doesn't have to be mostly conducted in a highly tense level i think. although of course we have had our fair share of friction, but i think overall it was excellent working with them. i am only the first among equals, and not a cut above the rest. so thank you to my committee members! and very sorry if i did rub you all on the wrong side. figuratively, of course.

oh and thanks to everyone else who contributed to the event in any ways. i truly appreciate all the effort! whether as outriders, drivers, medics, facilitators, photographers, marshallers and even participants, many thanks to all of you. without all your help the event could not have been carried out. so yes, i appreciate all of your help and assistance.

so now, it's back to work! haha. tried reading my history book just now, but really, i have never been a fan of chinese history, with their 1001 dynasties and what not. but the government and politics of southeast asia module that i'm taking seems interesting. the readings seem interesting too! haha. that's a first. so now full focus on studies! that's it, no more being part of any organising committees for me i feel. firstly i think that's enough for me, secondly i don't think i can ever work in a specialised job like doing logistics or marketing. i'll die doing such specific work. at least as a project director, i can delegate stuffs and probably do what i think i can do within my means. and anyway i don't want to be a project director anymore in any case so yes, im swearing off all organising committees then! haha.

so now i somewhat regain back my normal life as an undergraduate. trying to balance studies and my cca, and making new friends too along the way. and dealing with stuffs that i chucked aside temporarily.

like feelings. i suppose i have to face them again. honestly, i've been feeling numb ever since my event ended. so i don't know how or what to feel about things. i have no idea why i'm in such a state. like everything is so draggy and i'm just slowly getting to grip things. i think i shall slow drag myself out of this slumber eventually. but it's painfully slow though.

dear you,
i just can't seem to let go. and i don't know if i want to either.

will2wheel

okay the event is nearing, in fact only 2 days' away.

so there's even more little little things that we all have to concern ourselves with. and i've to either get people or go around singapore myself to collecrt everything that we need for the event. it is ultra-troublesome, but well, it's only for a few more days! haha.

well anyways thank you to those who actually tagged with regards to my previous post. oh well, it's not i have problems (i hope!) with my members, it's just that not everyone sees things in the same perspective of things. so there's bound to be misunderstanding or disagreement on matters etc, so if this is not managed then it would be hard. in any case, i've learnt that in any circmustances it is crucial to keep a cool head and still be able to think rationally and sensibly, if i can help it. no point in losing your anger unless that would really help solve any problems, that maybe i should consider that. haha. in any case i'm not stressed, not too worry, just that i do got weary and worrisome. but i hope it all goes well.

in any case my foot hasn't healed. i wonder how long it would take to self-heal. that's what the doctor said. no medication could hasten the healing process, and there was no need for any x-ray. but it's been more than 3 weeks and i still can't use it to kick or anything. but i guess i wont rush it, in case i injure it again.

and the other day i dropped by johor bahru for a while to shop. went there alone to shop, and for that i've been labelled crazy by some people. haha. why not? what's so crazy about shopping alone in jb? i mean it's not like i'm some foreigner who flashes his wads of cash around. in any case i blew away 126RM on 1 pair of shoes and 2 shirts. im happy, 'cause i really think my 2 shirts are very very nice. and so are my white sneakers. i had to getaway from singapore for a few hours to escape whatever workload i had back home, so yes, i admit abit of retail therapy does work for me sometimes. yes, i do exude a tinge of femininity sometimes. but no, it doesn't mean i'm turning gay or metrosexual or something like that. it's the same as telling me a frenchman would turn to an englishman just because he's learning how to speak english. that's a load of nonsense.

okay i should really go work on that powerpoint slides. can't believe the other day i froze for a while because i kinda forgot how to use powerpoint. it's been like freaking 3 years since i last used it. okay time to bury myself deep in my work now.

pd

i am starting to feel the heat.

it's not stress, it's just im getting more disturbed, more perturbed and more pressured than ever. i'm not boasting, but i hardly stres myself out to the point where i cannot take it anymore. even for studying, i think i study to actually forget anything else that is stressing me out. studying can be fun and healthy if one manages to find out how to appreciate it and manage the stress levels that supposedly accompany it. i get most stressed when i am planning my timetables for school actually. last semester i took freaking 4 hours just to come out with a proper timetable for myself.

it's with regards to my event. yes, initially there was alot of loose ends that we have not tied. but most of the issues have already been cleared, but new ones have surfaced. it's getting abit frustrating though when some issues just cannot be settled. that's one. and another thing is the event seems quite popular i think. it turns out even my secondary school friends might want to join. it probably gives me added incentive to do better, but it also exerts more healthy pressure on me too i guess.

in any case apparently i ruffled a few feathers with my no-nonsense last minute email to my committee members. well yes, i wasn't being professional by allowing my bad mood to interfere with work. but i felt i was going to push the members soon anyway, and i had to get things done too. yes it was last minute, and my email was abit curt. but it's not easy being in my shoes!

people sometimes think it is easy being the project director. just abuse the authority and just delegate stuffs. well some stuffs i really don't know who's supposed to do, so i do it myself. and i'm not boasting, but i've already done quite a bit of stuffs that i needn't have. and yes, i do forget things also, i admit.

but i'm not perfect. neither am i the best project director around. i took up this post voluntarily because i felt the event was interesting, and not because i was appointed to it and given blessings by the people upstairs. whatever i do, i do according to what i know and who i have. my instincts and gut feelings guide me, which obviously do not involve proper planning and delegation of stuffs. in that sense i'm quite horrible as a project director.

i suppose alot of people would not have belief in my way of doing things. well, all i can say is, i do things as according to what my gut feelings and instinct instruct me. of course i do try to think rationally, but yes, i 'm not the most professional to do so. in any case my methods have not gone down well with people, so i'm sorry okay people.

seriously, i have alot of things, the little things, that i have to settle. come and be in my shoes, than you will understand why it is best to have a project director that is level-headed and always calm under pressure. i don't mind taking up jobs that i can delegate to other people, if i see i can help out in it. it's not a race to win hearts or votes for that matter. in any case, i'm really sorry if my people management skills have been poor.

dear you,

i'm sorry if i was being unreasonable. it's just that i couldn't accept that you would get mad over a simple thing. but yes, i see things differently and maybe i was insensitive. can we start afresh? you know i'm always scared whenever you are around,. and it's not like i'm purposelly giving you the cold shoulder or anything. i'm just scared.

chalet

my right foot still doesn't feel right (no pun intended).

it's been 8 days since i injured it but i can't even jog on the spot without feeling pain at the bone. the limp is gone but the pain persists. didn't help that i aggravated the injury at the chalet last thursday. i think i should drop by the polyclinic on tuesday then, since if this doesn't cure fast it would really hinder my training progress. hence i had to give training a miss yesterday.

in any case i just got back from my chalet 2 days ago with my silat mates. it was quite fun. it was also my 1st ever chalet with friends. yes, despite me being already 21 years old, that was my 1st ever chalet with friends. haha. it started on wednesday, and we left the place early on friday morning. went a full 24 hours without sleep for the 1st time ever i think, then managed to catch only an hour's nap and carried on with the day's activities on thursday. haha. it was crazy, just walking around with read eyes and lacking alot of sleep. but it was fun nevertheless.

it's real fun just to walk and hang around by the beach in the wee hours of the morning, talking away and playing games. we tried to catch the sun rise too, but the clouds were blocking our view. our barbeque was on thursday night and it was quite fun too, and i and hanan ended up by being hosts for charades for everyone else. haha. if was fun thinking of all the craziest and hardest words to describe in charades. me and hanan managed to come up with things like osteoporosis, equestrian, placido domingo, coroner, quebec and lots more hard and crazy words. haha. but most of the time i spent really talking alot to people, and re-strengthening bonds that i already had. all in all i think i had a great time at the chalet, even though we actually spent only around 36 hours there despite it being a 3D2N chalet.

but now back to business. it's already the last week of holidays. boo hoo. and everyday for the whole week i have stuffs going on! tomorrow i have some briefing thing going on somewhere in the east. tuesday is booked for a trip to queensway and east coast park. on wednesday i might have another class outing (having missed last week's one) and followed by training in the evening. thursday i have my night cycling meeting. friday there might be a POW outing, if not fab says he wants 2 go to sentosa, and that same evening i have another dinner in the east. saturday i have training, and then another overnight recce well into sunday morning.

my goodness, no space to breathe. what a hectic start to the new year. well i hope the next semester will be good for me. hopefully i can find time to study and revise properly, amidst all the activities and trainings that i will have. 2007, personally, wasn't such that great a year. but at least i made really alot of new friends, from work and from school. really alot. but i hope 2008 will be a blast for me. and 1st on the list - to get through this hectic week, and then next up -my night cycling event!

please visit http://will-2-wheel.blogspot.com/. for further details on my night cyclnig event. thank you for your support!

swollen

my right foot has grown 1.5cm longer than the left foot since 12 hours ago.

it's swelling and it looks downright ugly. i injured it during training just now. i did a sweep which was too high, so my right foot slammed into syed's shin. ouch. apparently even the sound of the impact wasn't that nice either. haha. so now i can't walk properly. it hurts 2 even sit at times, what more walk. i think i will be out for 4 days? haha. this really sucks. i would really rather get kicked hard in the stomach again and feel that funny vomitting sensation again. at least the pain is temporary. i feel so stupid having to walk around slowly and trying to lift the pressure off the right foot. tsk tsk.

so that's e greatest takeaway from training just now - an injured right foot. well, it was my fault since i swept too high, but well we all learn things the hard way sometimes. so other than that, all's okay. training on wednesday, badminton on thursday, meeting and football kickabout yesterday and training just now. other than this freaking injury i managed to get through it. haha. crazy schedule.

and my results. i did pretty well i think, although i am naturally surprised. because seriously, i didn't study hard enough but yet my grades i think were still not too bad. i shall not disclose them here since i will lack alot of tact i i do so. and seriously, i don't know how to console people who didn't do exactly well. the only thing i can think of is that today might be my day, so tomorrow it might be yours. till now i'm still surprised about my grades, but i hope i can at least maintain it somewhere around there.

this foot better cure in time for the chalet next week. i don't want to trudge around on the beach like an idiot later on. so uncool.

new tagboard

yup i've finally put up a new tagboard! so tag people, because it will look ridiculously empty if you don't! haha.

on any case the past few days have been whirlwind in nature. hari raya haji was spent at my grandparents' place. and my cousin did well enough to get into victoria school. well at least he's gotten into a school steeped in tradition. more importantly, that should shave off any form of burden that i've carried with me thus far. ah my uncle says me and my elder cousin should be role models for the younger ones. well, i think we've pretty much carried ourselves well so far, since both of us are already in universities. anyway the future looks bright for my cousins. i can see they are smart and talented in their own ways, and will do well later on. haha i swear i never spoke as much english as they do now when i was much younger. even the 2 year olds have a vocabulary range of words that are quite impressive, i must say.

friday was spent with the supposed cousin naim. tried to find the bag that i wanted but to no avail. ended up linking up with nura, syaza and faaizah at wisma atria, and watching a performance by the hearing-impaired club of ngee ann polytechnic. i think that's what the society is called there. haha.or is it the sign language club? i've no idea. anyway they were performing christmas songs using sign language, which is no easy feat i tell you. i think it's harder to learn sign language than learning a new spoken language altogether. but at least sign language is internationally recognised, so it is the same anywhere. the only thing i know how to say via sign language is 'i love you'. haha. oh, and 2 signages of vulgarities too. haha.

had silat training on saturday. sparred with hanan! haha. got kicked yet again in the stomach, but i know how to deal with it this time round. just burp it all out! haha. i actually did that and i was okay again. but it was a poor outing for me anyway, i managed only 1 proper sweep throughout the bout and mostly got thrown on the mat by hanan. haha. i've only taken silat up for like 3 months, so i'm very poor on my techniques and the sort. the coach says i must buck up! i'll try, but i'm a novice so don't expect much! haha. but i'll still keep my head down and try work on it quietly.

and then after training, off to a football match! haha me and hanan rushed off in a taxi to bedok view sec school. nus muslim society vs nus malay language society. i played for ms, and the moment i stepped onto the pitch my boots tore open. haha idiot me didn't wash my boots after i ast wore them 3 years ago (during that title-winning year in which i scored an audacious lob with my left foot! haha). so the dirt and the soil kind of hardened around the boot, thereby exerting pressure on it and causing the leather to wear down and tear. haha it was so comical. not even 15 seconds i was on the pitch my boots got torn. i ended up having to constantly switch boots. all in all i wore 3 different boots! haha. (to add on, it means that i went through freaking national service and working and even started school while my boots were rotting away in the shoe cabinet! haha so disgusting of me.)

but the match was okay. by half-time we were leading 9-1. ah the 1 goal we conceded was partly mine and fairus' fault. fairus was under pressure by the striker so he couldn't clear the ball properly, and then when the ball came to me i let it bounce before clearing. that's 1 mistake you should never do - to let the ball bounce in the penalty area. so the opponent managed to steal the ball away and blast it home. but no worries, we won 12-3 in the end. i only managed a handful of passes and clearances, and only a shot on target. by the end of the match it was pouring heavily, but me hanan and fairus continued to play in the rain. so fun! i felt like it was back in primary school days again, those carefree days, just laughing and fooling around. after the match it was dinner at bedok corner and then home. saturday was a crazy dy, but a fulfilling one. i didn't get cramps despite silat training, sparring, and the football match played in the mud. only a slight groin strain and that's it.

sunday was spent with jj and fab, the 2 closest friends i had back in jc. found the sort of bag i wanted, but at $69, i'll hold out first. it's from river island and it's leathery, so i'll keep it in view. but i managed to accidentally find a new pair of boots! at 29.90! i simply had to get them. 1stly it's adidas boots. 2ndly, original price was $99. despite the boots being white (kind of poser) in colour and the model is very old - but well, boots are still boots i guess. it's still 1st hand boots, no matter that it's an old model. but since it's from a clearance sale, so the boxes were abit old too. luckily i tried on both sides, because i realised 1 was bigger in size than the other! so like a madman i opened the other boxes myself to find the matching pair. i eventually did, but i created a mess after that. haha. but well, for 29.90, i think it was worth going through all those boxes like a tramp. but when i got back, i realised there were minor differences between both sides. the right 1 had its logo at the back in blue, while the left 1 was in silver. the right boot had the special beckham adidas logo on its tongue while the left bore the adidas logo. even the 2 stripes differed slightly in colour. haha. but the differences do not stick out like a sore thumb, and in any case i think they boots were really supposed to be made that way. haha. but i feel it's a good deal! haha.

so tomorrow is xmas, and next week is the start of 2008. me and naim have agreed that we both end the year on a low. for me all i know i have successfully achieved my 1 and only new year resolution for 2007, although all this while i had always quietly held the hope i would not achieve it. so yes, the year has been okay for me, i think generally speaking i've had much better years before.

my racing heart, is just the same - why make it strong, to break it once again?

tried

warning - the author is extremely tired.

why? well for almost the whole of last week i had silat trainings everyday. of course it wasn't that tiring per se, but it all kinda builds up. and it all culminated in that performance we staged on saturday for PPIS at jurong spring cc (former hong kah cc). basically it was mostly a performance showcasing the more cultural aspects of silat. well for my part i had to be thrown and kicked around by halimah (or hally, which i believe is the anglicised name. haha). and yes it did hurt alot.

i kinda forgot that we were now on a wooden stage and not practising on those thick mats. what was supposed to happen was that at 1 stage i was to run towards her and she would kick me in the chest and send me flying in the air. yes i flew, but the landing was anything but smooth. when i got up my whole body was in complete pain from the impact of being slammed against the hard floor. for some reason i felt like my life was being squeezed out. haha. but seriously, if it was normal training i would have tapped out immediately. anyway some of us suffered from injuries too, more especially so for chong, who left the place with a cut across his right cheek.

in any case the following morning when i got up and went to the bathroom to shower, i stared into the mirror almost immediately i said 'what the f**k is that???' well, there was a huge ass abrasion on my left shoulder that turned mighty red overnight. a reminder of my flying act the day before. i had already felt pain there but the day before it wasn't inflamed as that. anyway it is still bright red as of now, and its roughly the size of 4 50cent coins put side by side? yup. they say its sort of 'bleeding' underneath the skin, so that probably explains why it is as red as that. haha. it doesn't hurt much, but it's just so strikingly red that i'm thankful it wasn't on my arm or face or something like that. haha. hope it heals soon though.

and anyway that same sunday night, after the performance the day before, i went to recce the route for night cycling. had loads of fun, even with only aizat, naim and zuraimi. haha. had dinner at burger king at east coast, and then we cycled to esplanade. before that we managed to stop at chjimes and catch poor liverpool against manchester united for the whole of the 2nd half. that was followed by supper at gluttons' bay at esplanade. haha i had a huge ass ice kachang served, and had roti john n kaya toast too. and then we cycled back via nicoll highway, the national stadium and through east coast park. and reached back at around 330am. we had breakfast at mcdonalds at 4am. haha. basically, i had 3 meals within the space of 9 hours! haha. a real glutton. well, but cycling at night is really fun. i think i should do that real often. haha.

but ya, i'm still tired from the exertions. i haven't had proper sleep since then, and still had time to play futsal just now after the rain. haha i'm really not good at soocer. and i'm even more tired than ever.

dear you,

if you are reading this, i'm real sorry. i am mean too. but i hope you understand. i hope things become better from now on. i really do hope so.

ice skating

it's been more than a week but instead of recharging, i'm becoming even more tired by the day.

i sleep late everyday, but i automatically wake up at 10.30am every single day! it's extremely annoying! there was once i just came to at 10.30am, when the alarm was set at 10.45am. i've no idea why i'm like this. it's extremely frustrating. so i go labour through the day lethargically. the past week has been like this.

but i did do quite a few things last week. like go for recce trip with some of them on monday night! haha. had to recce the route for night cycling event that i'm heading. but the route seems abit treacherous, no thanks to the construction sites along the route. but i think it's still possible, no worries. and i played badminton on wednesday. haha i'm becoming worse at is, 'cause it's been a while since i last played. but at least had a proper workout for a while.

then the central committee meeting for night cycling was okay. dragged too long i think, since i dragged for nearly 4 hours. haha. and there's still alot of uncertainties. ah things are getting harder and more complicated. haha alot of things are weighing me down, so i hope all will go well.

then saturday! iceskating with the POW mates. quite fun! haven iceskated for almost 4 years, going back to march 2003 for the last time i did that. haha so some like hanan and izzati were making their debuts, but i think they had fun. ah i fell down once! i thought it would be a mishap-free outing for me, but to no avail. haha. anyway the fall was unprovoked, so i kinda lost balance suddenly. so humiliating. haha. then after ate went to eat n watched the singapore-malaysia sea games match at a nearby coffeeshop. and then 1by1 they left, culminating in a not-so-nice incident that happen which totally ruined the whole outing for all of us. the day ended with me and hanan just sitting down at ngee ann civic plaza and chatting the night away, while fahmi was getting his new handphone at the huge ass tent there. yes, we came to orchard all the way from jurong east just to sit down and talk. haha. was an strange ending to the outing, but it's not like we envisioned this to happen.

so another week full of things to do this week. mostly related to silat activities. got some performance coming up so must practise! haha. and actually i have to clean up the room, but it seems like that is never going to happen! haha. oh well.

on another note. i think i should not launch a new project. i don't feel it is appropriate, neither do i feel like it.

freedom

finally i'm free from the hell brought about by the examinations!

to those who still have to slug it out in the exam halls, slowly, very slowly, slug it out okay? i'm always here to give you moral support of any kind! haha.

so the exams were so-so. as always, the times that i tend to indulge in monologues are during exams. i'll end up cursing and swearing, shaking my head, or even smiling in exasperation because of the ridiculous nature of the questions. it's been 3 long years since i sat for any proper exams prior to this. well, things haven't changed much i suppose. although i must admit i did not really have the mood nor the zest to want 2 study. hopefully i'll do alright.

so now is the start of a 1 and a half months of break, before school starts again in mid-january. i should probably occupy my time with the night cycling programme thing. anyways, the silat friendly in kl has been cancelled. so sad. means we can't pick a fight with the brothers across the causeway. haha but in one way it's good also. i'm not ready to spar yet. haha. i got kicked very hard in the stomach the other day by the president while sparring for the first time. i thought i was going to vomit so i went to the toilet, but instead of vomitting i let out 1 huge burp of air. haha. disgustingly funny. i suppose i have lots of fitness and strength work out to do then this holidays. must eat 20 hard boiled eggs daily like fabian does. must eat brown rice as often as i can. must eat chicken breast everyday. must eat potatoes everyday. haha, like real only.

other than that this month should be spent religiously slacking away. the past few weeks have been mentally strenuous. but the first semester in school has been a blast. delicate matters of the heart aside, i think school has been fun. i've made a lot a lot of new friends here and there, and strengthened a lot of pre-existing relationships along the way. if only studies-wise it was as laid back as it was in my jc days. then it would really be more of a blast.

i suppose that's all then for now. the most important takeaway is that i'm emancipated from exams! and i've even managed to change the blog's layout. yes yes, it's extremely simple. but that's how i like it, and i don't know how to meddle with the javascript all to make it more exotic and sophisticated. i'm really sorry that i'm not IT-savvy like most of you. haha.

and don't mind the rihanna and ne-yo song okay. i think it's quite nice and listenable.

extinct

exactly 1 month later and here i am to blog again!

haha i am really surprised people actually do go to my blog to see if i've updated. wow. people so read my blog. haha. and some have complained how come there's no update. so here goes.

well let's start with raya! i think my raya collection hit 200++ or something like that. and with some more money in the piggy bank. plus the bursary award that i jus got just now haha. that should really beef my finances, hence i declare that yusri's economy isn't in recession! it is healthy i think, but don't expect me to treat any of you all after declaring i'm officially out of recession! go away! haha.

exams are next week and basically i haven't studied yet. AT ALL. tomorrow i should really start! haha. but that's what i've been saying everyday. but at least i've completed whatever essay that i'm supposed to do. at least the grades for my other essays haven't been that bad, so phew! but now for the exams! let's see what miracles i can perform within these 1 and a half weeks. it's crazy. i have 5 exams squeezed in 6 days! i hope i'll pull through unscathed!

and for silat - well at least i think i've grown more confident in myself. i think i roughly know how to attack someone already, but must work harder on strength and fitness. alot of times i've been found wanting and panting away due to lack of fitness. training has been abit tough at times, but must endure! haha don't expect me to be super fit just because i'm done with my NS! and end of next month we might go to kl to spar with our malaysian counterparts. i hope i don't get my sorry ass whacked there! on top of that, that would be th 3rd time i would have gone to KL in the space of 7 months!

and yours truly is the project director of the night cycling for the NUS muslim society! do join okay, all you readers! haha damn, i've to do work too! but i think and i hope it would be fun at the end of the day! at least we have the whole of december to do it! i see hope in my committee, and i think we can pull it off! its during mid-late january people, so make it free! it's on 1 of those saturdays to sundays. so come on down and cycle with us for 1 night only! haha.

and i seem to be building more friendships along the way. it's fun. we have our own groups, and our society. at least i can claim allegiance to the group, and it's real fun. haha sometimes i feel that i'm turning into some screw loose, but it's okay. at least i feel i shouldn't be so dull! haha there's really a need to make as many friends as i can. there's so much things to know about everyone sometimes i get things and facts about them muddled up easily.

but here's the saddest part - another failure in the love department. fails yet again. so project coldplay is out of the window. sometimes i wonder what is it that i've done or i have not done that is wrong. or what is it within me that is inherent that results in failure again. i truly wonder. maybe i shall not bother ever again anymore. at the end of the day, why make the heart strong just to break it once again?

so that's all. i think the next update should be after the exams, which end on the 30th for me! till then, good day!

and note the number of exclamation marks i've used in this article! haha i make it sound like i'mall so jumpy and excited writing this entry like that.

raya

no this blog ain't extinct yet!

it's just that i haven't got the mood to blog for the past month. there's just been tons of thing that i'm supposed to be doing, but i haven't. the most i've been doing is just fretting and worrying about my tasks, but never actually going about to settle them. haha. 2 essays due by this friday, and 1 more due next friday! haha and let's just say i haven't really got anything going on yet. so that says alot.

and today's raya! okay la, it isn't as happenning as it used to be. i guess that's the syndrome everyone faces as they start to grow older. but this year isn't as horrible as the past few years. like in 2004, 2 days after raya was my maths paper during my a levels. 2005 raya was spent in the jungles of taiwan during my trainee days (definitely among the lowest points in my life). so this year at least, as a proper civilian who's back studying in school, i guess things returned to normalcy.

then this year i have a sudden urge to on the radio as often as i can and listen out for raya songs. alot of them are really nice! especially some of those sad ones. like sepasang kurung biru! sounds sad yet so nice and soothing to the year. there are so many songs i've no idea what their titles are! but it doesn't matter, sounds nice can already.

as for project coldplay, the one i mentioned in my previous entry - well i've sought to do what i wanted. but the desired results, still yet to be seen. i hope things go well. although i try to be realistic - if things aren't meant to be so, thn it really isn't.

as they say, hope springs eternal. whatever that means. haha.

sian

wow they had a surprise birthday mini-celebration for me! haha.

so embarrassing. anyway thanks for planning it. albeit it was really belated, but it was so shocking. made me feel really embarrassed. and got even more gifts!haha. my birthday this year is so happening. i really wonder why.

so i just bought this new lcd monitor. it's real huge to me! although only 19 inches but it's huge, and damn bright. haha i jus spent $334 in cash just like that on the table and walked away with this LG lcd monitor. the father's money, of course. haha. looks quite nice though, the screen. so i'm left with changing that old modem, and of course getting that new laptop. but the lappie shall arrive earliest, next year. so still a long way to go.

and silat training yesterday while fasting was really refreshing. i felt fine. of course more tired than ever, but i wasn't feeling faint or anything. felt good actually, although compared to what i've been through in army, that pales in comparison. then again i'm not as fit as i was in army, so it evens out. haha. but it was okay. i feel i've improved quite abit so far. but there's still along way to go. i've only just started out, but things are fine. the seniors are willing to guide and that's very heartening.

so yesterday we broke fast at the grandparents' place. ah it's been awhile since i last saw my noisy cousins. haha they are really a noisy lot. but they were so funny. they were playing in 1 of the rooms. when i walked past music was blaring from that room, and i peeked inside,they were all grooving to the music! haha. and it's those hip hop rnb kind! haha so funny. it was like a mini-club out there. then they were just jumping around and having fun with the music in the background. didn't know the handphone could blast the music out at such a volume.

haha but you see the joy the kids had. then you wish you could just go back to being a kid once more. to just do nothing but have fun all day long, and not worry about anything the big adults have to worry themselves with. with work, children, bills, the wife, the car, the house and all. things were so happy-go-lucky, and so much simpler. all you could do was just run and jump around, then cry and suddenly the whole world would just rush to you and calm you down and pamper you. haha. no homework, project work, essays, readings, notes or even fieldtrips to fret about. the carefree-ness of adolescence. haha.

on another note.

the new project is called project coldplay. might achieve my goals through the blitzkrieg method. we'll see how.

watch this space man. haha.

21st

so yesterday i reached the milestone that is the age of 21.

21 years ago, my mum gave birth to me at the now-defunct toa payoh hospital. apparently i came out at 0949 hours. in case you don't know what time u arrived to this world, kindly check your birth certificate. it is SURE to be stated somwhere there.

and so 21 years on, so much things have changed. i've vome a long way, and so have everyone else. so apparently i'm now permitted to do more things that i previously couldn't. ah but age is just a number, as they say. it's got no real bearing over how one can be mature or immature.

but my birthday turned out to be fine. the mum forgot all about it, but sadly my family is like that. birthdays aren't celebrated at all in the family, but it's really okay by me. but the day turned out well. messages flooded in incessantly. alot of people actually wished me this year, for some reason or another! haha. and i've got presents! haha i hardly ever get presents, so i totally have no idea what's the thrill like of opening presents.

the day was spent in school, and the night was spent at amirah's grill at bugis with the primary school friends. thanks to nurul, i believe! she got the whole thing all planned out nicely! haha and the various surprises i got along the way was cool. played games and ate great food, and had a blast of a time! special thanks to the primary school friends for the fun! and the presents too!

haha seriously, i've never gotten so many presents before. i got 4 on the day itself. i think i'm supposed to get 4 more next week. wow, that totals up to 8 already. not too bad for some freak like me. haha. so i shall wait, it's okay. it's really nice at least when someone actually bothers to do up something or get something for you. this must be the most meaningful birthday ever. unlike in 2004, when i actually came to school during the september holidays to mug away. then in 2005, i was in camp, running 7km as part of training, and never dared to tell anyone it was my birthday in case i got sabotaged! haha. thn last year, 2006, was spent fixing up the new computer components on a rainy day at home! at least this year it was properly celebrated i guess?haha.

so special thanks to these people - ayu, kent, shahidah, clare, fabian, liz, izy, sahibah, my political science tutorial class!, nura, yenlin, jj, na'im, zuraimi, hanan, chong, shahril, rahman and juliana, vineson, jimmy, jihan, nurul, noriza, faizal, rushdy, hatta, yanny, ali, millah, haryati, joeann, taiwei, syamim, nasrul, and sarah - did i miss out anyone? i hope not. so long the list!!! and even more many thanks to the people who gave me gifts! so nice of you all to actually think of buying something for pathetic old yusri! haha.

truly a day actually worth remembering.

aching

my body is aching all over. i can't move any part of my body without feeling the slighest of pain somewhere around my body.

no thanks to the first ever silat training i had yesterday. haha i admit it was tough (my legs were quivering at times! haha) and i'm really not in shape. running on hard ground barefooted means the soles of my feet ache badly too. but i guess i need some getting used to it i guess. but so far so good. but it's really tough trying to get the techniques right.

and school's okay. although i haven't really been able to push myself to read most of my readings. i'm still trying to tune my brains back to the student mindset. haha it doesn't help with the flurry of people i've met within such a short space of time. too many people, too many names to remember. errgh. almost everyday i learn a new name. haha it's really troublesome when you start to know more and more people.

haha the other day at the lift landing while going to school i bumped into a girl who's also in my faculty in school. turns out she lives just 2 storeys below me. so 1 neighbour who went to my secondary school, antoher 1 who went to my junior college, and yet another 1 who goes to my school - same faculty at that! haha so that totals 3 altogether! another surprise to add on to the forever growing list of shocks and surprises i've had so far.

and so much for history being my pet subject. i've totally no idea on the french revolution and anything else that happened in the history of modern europe after that. means i've to diligently read the thick-ass history book real slowly. there's so much to read, it's really quite taxing this european history course. whatever people have learnt within 2 years, i'm to squeeze everything within 3 months!! goodness me. can really slowly die.

can't type without even feeling the slightest of pain. oh well.

welcome tea

school's not really a blast.

for the first week it's just rushing to queue up for the readings bundles and whatever textbooks that i need to buy. and the lectures are all mostly introductory ones. ah but the tons of reading i have to do, is enough to just deflate my spirits. in fact for once i really have to be very much learn independently, which is something i have to get used to. and the tutorial ballotting system is really ridiculous. i'm too lazy to even bother about it now.

so i went for 2 welcome teas the past week. the malay society one was held 1st. played this superhero dress-up game, where they asked me to put hats under my shirts to make me look muscular. well, of course it looked like boobs! althought i must say at least i did win the final challenge! haha. ah but the muslim society welcome tea was much more refreshing.

met alot of international muslim students, like those from pakistan, iran, myanmar, mauritius, bangladesh and the list goes on. it was really an eye-opener just interacting with them. it's a hard feeling to describe, when you get to meet fellow muslims from across the globe and exchange your thoughts and feelings. i wonder how these people really get through with their lives in their war-torn, poverty-stricken countries, where there is political instability, and the threat of war is very real. countries where the trains still run on diesel, where freedom of speech is strictly forbidden and so on. it makes me think that despite such obstacles, people still believe in the hope that the religion brings. hope springs eternal as they say, and the fact that they are willing to part with their families to actually find a better future is amazing. such is the strength of their willingness to travel to further their studies. living alone in a foreign land is extremely daunting and they risk being outcasted. i really admire such people. it's really interesting to interact with them honestly.

and just now i had a tuition class in the morning, under the mendaki tuition programme for malay/muslim students. i was a relief for some tutor who couldn't make it. i thought sec 3 express english. and from the way i see it, i think we're gonna have a huge problem at hand in the years to come.

the students just don't have the right attitude! stupidity is 1 thing, but attitude is another. if you are just not born smart, the do it the tried and tested way - through hard work. one can be stupid yet achieve goals in life. and that is if you have the right attitude. even the most smartest person in the world will never be succesful if he chooses to be lazy and not make full use of his own potential. and those kids that i were taking are the future of the nation! the very ones that will make the step up when they come of age! the very ones who will decide the path the nation would tread upon!

on one hand, we see more malay people becoming more successful - we see more doctors, lawyers, engineers and the what have you. but on the other hand, more people are dropping out of schools, more truancy cases, more shotgun marriages and the what have you. yesterday one lecturer pointed out the suicide cases among singaporeans are the lowest among the malay/muslim community. but of course, that's not the real picture. pre-marital sex rates, abortion cases, divorce rates have been increasing for the malay/muslim community. and the real reason for such things to happen?

the lack or guidance and education. but as i've said before, one has to help himself too. teaching someone to fish today for a living doesn't guarantee he'll drag his lazy ass to the sea tomorrow to fish on his own. one can be the most knowledgeable person on the planet, but without the right attitude, i doubt he can be successful. and the scary thing is alot of kids do not realise the importance of education. the paper chase is inevitable in a resource-scarce city-state like ours. like it or not, realisty is as such. none of them are thinking practically! as if i have a choice to not want to study too.

it's really scary. and of course, those students i took on just now are not the worst of the lot. if such trends persist, i shudder to think of the future. i get scared thinking of my own personal future. don't such kids get scared of the consequences and repercussions they will face if they falter?

someone should just invent a reality-check mirror where if you look into it, your reflection will just scream its lungs out at you or just give you tight slaps as reality checks.

school

yai start school tomorrow!

so finally the day arrives, after more than 2 and-a-half years of waiting. i don't have classes on monday hence my school week starts tomorrow. ah the anticipation ends tomorrow, but i've only got a 2 hour lecture tomorrow and that's all. the tutorials haven't started yet so this week is rather relaxed actually. so finally the feeling of going to school will sink in again tomorrow. call me wierd but i like going to school. save the studying part though.

went to gym with liz just now to kill time. i think i had a great workout just now, so i expect to wake up tomorrow with a body like a bodybuilder's! haha. but just now was not bad. ah if only i wasn't born such a lazy ass, i would probably have a better-looking body, maybe learnt how to play the bass guitar and have a much much cleaner room now. and a million other things that i could have achieved. haha.

the other day, had dinner with the friends for the orientation group. it was fun! then went to catch some show with them at victoria concert hall. i think the people in my group are quite fun. of course, not in the sporty or outdoors sense. i feel we all can connect on the same level. haha. i can't help thinking i've more than enough friends in the arts faculty. of course one can't have too many friends, but it can prove to be a headache!

anyway the past week i've had too many surprising news. think i had 4 shocks last week. which is really enough. anymore would just shake the pillars of peacefulness of my life. haha. i've really had a shock too many for the past week. and i also got myself a new handphone on top of that! so that should really end my shopping spree. note the keyword is should. hope that no one would have my handphone too, if not that would be quite a spoiler.

okay so tomorrow i start my life as a student! whoo-pee-do!

the competition with girls and the competition for girls starts tomorrow! haha.

dreams

the other day i had 1 of the most wierdest dreams ever.

i dreamt that i was on this mrt train on the east-west line, heading towards boon lay, with my parents. as you all know, they are now building an extention of that line, till somwhere in the pioneer road area or somwhere there. but by right boon lay would still be last stop. but the train didn't stop at boon lay, in fact it picked up speed as it sped past boon lay. so naturally everyone on the train was horrified, since the tracks would run out eventually, and the train would go hurtling in the air (think spiderman? the scene where spidey stops the train from going over the tracks and crashing down). but the thing is, in my dream, there was no such heroics. when the tracks ran out, the train just went into the air and plummeted into the sea, but just beside the shoreline, probably somewhere in the tuas area, near the second link. amazingly, nobody died. everyone managed to force the doors open and just swim to the surface. heck, even my parents did that. and of course, a full scale investigation was launched thereafter.

but what a preposterous and wierd dream.

on another note.

the past week's been damn busy! organising schedules, outings here and there, bidding of modules. and my room's still in a damn mess. i'm too lazy to even bother, but i need to do something about it soon anyway. classes start next week, and from the synopses of the modules, they look quite interesting. there's like a fieldtrip to lucky plaza / penisular plaza, and even a remake of the famous versailles treaty of 1919 to be played out in class. oh and a screening of nang nak in one of the lectures. it might not turn out to be interesting, but at least it's different.

back to school in a week's time!

sch's starting

sorry for the way overdue entry!

but hey - school's-a-starting!

haha. something i've actually been waiting for ever since i left school at the end of 2004. although i must say i'm not really as enthusiatic as i would like it to have been, because all the preparation is so confusing! everyone is just as confused as i am about alot of the things, and especially the bidding of modules. i'm slightly stressed up by it, no thanks to the meticulous planning required.

but so far all has gone well. been going back to school for the past few days, and i feel i've really got alot of friends all over. i'm not saying i'm that popular - it's just that everywhere i turn, i'm bound to find someone i know. like today. i bumped into a friend on the way to school, and in school i bumped into so many other long-lost friends. the ex-NS buddies, the primary and the secondary school friends too. hell, i even bumped into an ex-NS colleague while crossing the road just now. and he was on his motorbike waiting for the lights to turn green! haha. had time to catch up abit with him before the green man started to blink.

can one simply have too many friends? but it's hard to define how many is too many. even acquaintances or those "hi-bye" people, some would consider as friends too. well all i know i have quite a number of friends inside my faculty. and i'm going to miss my upcoming faculty's orientation anyway. and this whole week has been really busy busy busy! well, at least i ave things to do outside of home everyday anyway, so i'm not exactly complaining!haha.

ah i expect lesser time to play games then! that's real sad. but school's-a-starting, and i hope i have a decent start in school. after more than 2 years of brain-freeze, i hope it still can function properly! haha. but there's so many people to compete with, and its really scary when one thinks of the competition for places and grades later on. tsk tsk.

on another note, i thought i was done with my shopping! but i just had to buy another pair of jeans, and i'm relly thinking of upgrading my handphone. but it should wait, because i want to see if i have enough cash after i pay off my bills and all. haha. getting a new handphone would really cap it all off! but i must see how.

okay i better play my computer game first before i really have no time in the future.

camp

so i got back from the orientation camp a few days ago.

but first, my last day of work ended on the worst possible note ever. the previous sentence had a pun in there relating to what happened, but i don't want to talk about it haha. but work's finally over, and i get a few days rest now to recharge.

anyways back to the camp. i suppose everyone else had a blast. well i didn't really enjoy myself at the camp, partly due to myself. i was totally invisible during the camp. for much of the camp i was very sleepy, and i just couldn't be as enthusiastic as i would like to have been. haha. but actually i'm really not the kind of person to go for such camps. just doesn't suit my personality i think. haha. but at least i made a few friends. friends that i feel i can talk to with. i still haven't really recovered from the exhaustions of the camp, proven by the fact that this weekend alone was the 1st time i had afternoon naps at home in eons.

but it was fun engaging people, and seeing people interact. at least there was abundance of healthy debates and discussions going on within the group. about our religion, our society, our people. which really stimulates the mind, and opens it up to more interesting viewpoints. sometimes it got so heated because naturally, some would be very emotional with their principles and all. but it was good. i learnt alot from such healthy discussions. in fact i think i've learnt alot about our people and our society over the past 2 years.

of course, no thanks to my ns experience, my workplace and my new school. the people i've met from the 3 places are from totally different types of backgrounds. but it should be good for me, to interact with such people. but of course, i haven't actually seen the real picture yet. but i imagine it to be very sad. especially, the real picture of my own society.

seriously, how can we not agree to the fact that the malay society is the one with the most social problems? as i have argued before, i feel we should call ourselves the malaise instead of the malays. if i am ever going to write a book on my society, it would titled 'the malaise' - so don't copy me. haha. anyways, seriously, we never seem to be able to find solutions to combat such problems. everytime we think we've eradicated a problem, another type emerges. it's really sad. malays score very high in the abortion rates, teenage pregnancy rates, teenage marriages rates, school dropout rates and the list goes on. and them with their nonsensical way of dressing, coupled with their ability to create a ruckus everywhere they go and act as if they are so damn cool. it's a national shame, i feel, that my society is churning out such people who obviously have no future and who don't ever even think about their future. all they care about is looking cool just pushing around baby prams in town, with their 101 piercings on their eyebrows and the list goes on. have you ever wondered why you only see young malay couples pushing prams around or just going out with small kids in town, but never from the other races? i don't know about you, but that really is a startling fact for me.

so what is it with these people?? if i had my way they will be purged sooner rather than later. what a waste to society these people are. to think people are the only resources our country has, and we are churning out such sub-standard ill-mannered people? it's no wonder the government actively tries to recruit foreign talent, because our own people are just not convincing enough. i really can't understand why we have people like this. definitely the household has to bear part of the blame. screwed-up families will naturally produce screwed-up offsprings. but it isn't a curse, is it? surely one can buckle the trend. but sadly alot of such people still choose to carry on with their screwed-up lives.

and this is only just the beginning. if you read history, china has this generation of people called 'the lost generation'. these people were the ones who served as the red guards under mao zedong in the 60s. what they did was just to memorise the little red book, and just harass anyone who was anti-mao. they did that for well over a decade, and when mao died they were already in their 20s, but with no proper educational qualifications nor skills. hence many became jobless, and they were really too old to go back to school. they had wasted their teenage years by not making full use of it.

is that what we want of our own people? if such trends persist i can forsee us having a 'lost generation' of our own. and they might probably turn to crime to survive. hence we might have another problems in our hands. tsk tsk. i shudder to even about my own future, what more of my own people or my own country? reality is just sad.

well, at least from the camp, i've learnt that at least people do still care. and at least my society will still churn out people who will bring benefits, and bring good for all. but these are only a select few. the majority of the soon to be 'lost generation' is still out there, waiting for a reality check, waiting for someone to actually wake them up from their prolonged sleep.

purge them i say! haha. as if.

bag

the long search for the new bag has finally ended.

after weeks and weeks or searching for a bag, i finally decided on that nike bag that purchased it at vivocity just now. this after so much trouble combing through the streets and shops of kl, jb and places like bugis, orchard and queensway. finally. almost what i wanted, but hey - nothing's ever perfect. and this should probably signal the end of my shopping spree.

honestly i don't think i've bought so many stuff in such a short space of time. like at least 10 new shirts, a bag and 3 pairs of shoes within less than 2 months. is crazy, i know. haha. and i also made a new pair of spectacles the other day at jb. metallic purple and black in colour. haha. to mme it's real nice and cool, but haha i wonder what everyone else will think. i can envision almost everyone saying "why purple!?"

was almost tempted to buy a pair of jeans too with fab just now but just couldn't find the nice 1 with the right size. anyways i don't think i really need jeans too. and fab gave me 2 plain tees for free because he couldn't fit them. my gosh my cupboard will really be packed with so much tops. actually there's still the need 2 buy a new watch but watches area all very pricey, and the prices don't change much. so i guess that will really have to wait.

on another note i'm really lethargic nowadays. after returning to kl i worked for 7 straight days, in between alternating between morning and afternoon shifts. god knows how i managed to pull through. but the good news is i'm resigning. sunday's my last day in fact. so i'm left with tomorrow and sunday to work! after that it''s off to the orientation camp. there's like so much hype around the camp, with people saying it's really gonnna be real fun and all. i'm just like err okay, thanks for the input.

oh and i bought a lenin tee from bugis village just now too. so i've a mao and lenin tee, i'm just left with a stalin tee. haha. they even had a ho chi minh tee selling there. i was like what? it's really weird. though i've yet to see a castro or a kim il sung or kim jong il shirt anywhere. castro would be really cool though, instead of those 2 korean despots. or even ho chi minh for that matter. haha.

leaving my job would be really sad, because of the 5 months i slogged it out there with the rest has been quite an eye-opener. my job really taught me quite a number of things that i previously never gave a hoot about. at least in terms of my ways of thinking, it definitely has an effect there. but ah, there's always the school to look forward to.

on another note.

a friend says my personal life is really like a soap opera.

i really second that.

re-kl

got back from kl yesterday evening.

and i'm super-duper tired. the exertions of it all caused me to turn up at work with a sleepy face and totally unkempt hair. the colleagues could see the weariness on my face. it doesn't help that i've to work 7 straight days till my next off. if i do pull through, i'm the real deal man. haha.

the trip was okay. it's not like you get to go away for a few days with your friends often. although a lot of cock ups happened but it was still fun. although i only managed to only buy a shirt and a pair of ugly-looking shoes at a combined cost of RM63. but in all i spent around RM335! haha. don't ask me what happened to rest. i'm not too sure myself.

the 1st day was spent at berjaya times square mainly. got to go in the indoor thempark. and the dna mixer ride was real crazy. haha. the ride jus spins you round and round for a few minutes. haha all i know some of the rest felt like throwing up or giddy after that. but me? no! haha. i went through most of the intimidating rides but it was okay. actually i was the 1st one who wanted to back initially, but that was because my stomach wasn't really 100% at the time. then the evening was spent at this club. the live band there rocks man. their opening act was don't matter by akon. i was like what? what kinda band jams don't matter? but anyway the band played all kinds of genre actually. was really great.

the 2nd day we all watched transformers at the imax theatre at the times square. and the movie kicks ass! i'm grateful i never caught it in singapore. the screen was huge! bigger than any screens in singapore, really! and to watch such a movie on such a screen was really mind-blowing. i liked the part when optimus prime stepped on the witwicky's garden fountain and said sorry, my bad. haha. but the whole movie was damn cool. is the best movie i've watched this year. but not say i've watched alot though. and then then evening was spent at petaling street. the last day was spent at the twin towers. i tried to find my sling bag, but it was in vain. we ended up missing the 4pm bus and had to fork out extra to take the 5pm one.

but overall it was fun. thanks to my friends, and thanks to our other friends in kl who brought us around. i still have RM100 with me which i'm really itching to spend.

on another note.

lately i feel i've gone through alot. it's taken a toll on me, mentally. sometimes i ask myself why must things always pan out this way. sometimes it's always been a case of so near yet so far. i also feel drained phsyically. it doesn't help that i've lost 5kg since i started working. i look more gaunt and scrawny now. i hope i will start school with a blast and have fun there.

although in the past i have always started school with a troubled state of mind.

shop

these days i'm only into one thing - shopping.

basically all my off days or time after work is spent on shopping.

since my kl trip, i've already bought 3 tops and 2 pair of shoes. and before i head off to kl again next week i expect to buy another 1 or 2 more tops. then at kl i shall shop for maybe another pair of shoes, a bag and more tops? haha. and also a new watch. i don't know if i need to get new jeans. actually i don't need to, i just need to alter my exisiting ones and this one that i've not worn yet. oh there's still the pair of spectacles that i need to make.

the things i do just to prepare myself for school. i'm amazed.

so now i've like 4 sneakers, a pair of running shoes, 4 (or 5?) pairs of jeans and a whole lot of tops. but i expect to have even more tops.

can't wait to go kl again so soon. this time with the gang. and finally get to visit my friend over in kl! and shop till i drop. i doubt the gst offset package is even enough for my shopping expenses, at the rate i'm going at.

so my retirement (resignation actually, haha) date has been set. after retiring, i shall probably spend the rest of the days cleaning up the mess in my room. which has never witnessed a major clean up ever since we shifted in here around 7 years ago. haha.

then they ask me to join some orientation camp. i'm rather cool on it, but i'll see how things go. then that 1 time huge class gathering at the end of the month that i'm planning for, and then get ready to enter school again.

i really can't wait for school to start. can't wait to experience the feeling of just going to school, just sitting in lectures etc. call me crazy if you want but i've missed that feeling for over 2 years already.

nowadays i just can't be bothered with things anymore. who cares. fcuk it, as what i saw on a shirt at the french connection shop. i'll just carry on with my own life and do my own things and just bloody care about myself. at least when i shop for myself, i feel good. haha.

pardon me if i exhibit female characteristics. but i assure you, i'm definitely not gay.

but gay as in happy - a definite yes.

kl

my trip to kl sucked to the core.

1st day, saturday, was spent at the uncle's place, somewhere outside of kl. then the 2nd day, visited a family friend and shopped just abit only. then the problems all started.

kl flooded on sunday night. but by that time, we were already at the hotel area but it wasn't flooded. although at 10pm a blackout occurred, which was corrected only at 130am. then the whole of monday was spent rotting away in the hotel room. the reason - my whole family was down with fever and flu and cough. i was the only okay one, but i wasn't allowed to go out on my own. only on tuesday did i properly shop. and then wednesday back home. a completely uninspiring holiday which i would rather shop. overall, i only spent on a grand total of 2 pathetic tops.

yesterday dined with clare, and just talked away the whole night. been a very long time since i last talked to clare. it was fun. then i just got back from iza's birthday party. just took the car out and drive around like nobody's business too.

i'm very tired nowadays. because i always sleep late. and at kl, we rested quite alot but i always had trouble falling asleep. because my mind is not at peace.

its really distressing.

i wonder why somethings just couldn't be much more straightforward.

kl

tomorrow i'm off to KL! so basically i'll be virtually uncontactable for the next 5 days or so.

it's been awhile since i had a proper holiday. think if i were to count taiwan as the last one, that was more than half a year ago. so i guess i'll be spending away my hard-earned money. alot of things to shop for there, although i would arrive too early for the nationwide sales period.

sent the aunt off on her minor pilgrimage trip to the holy city last wednesday morning. damn tired because i got back at almost 5am. i remember my trip to the holy land there. exactly 7 years ago. simply astounding. just praying in front of the kaabah is an experience to cherish. imagine, around 1.2 billion moslems (maybe you can count out over half of the malays in singapore) praying to the kaabah every single day, and suddenly one gets a chance to pray exactly right in front of it. especially the dusk prayers. i remember birds circling the kaabah. if i wasn't mistaken, they were crows. and crows usually make one hell of a ruckus with their homies. but they just flew around encircling the kaabah noiselessly, as if they knew they just had to shut their traps. simply amazing. a scene i still remember clearly.

someday i shall visit the holy land again. on top of that, for all the wonders of the world, there are also 4 other places i would like visit. firstly jerusalem. i've been there before, and it really is among the most beautiful of cities. i remember standing on top of this bibilical site called the mount of olives. really beautiful. i looked down the view was really magnificent. it overlooks jerusalem and the city looks really wonderful from there. and across from the mount of olives, i could see the al-aqsa mosque, and the famous dome of the rock. and the city itself is beautiful, rich in culture and history. i managed to visit bethlehem, the tomb of king david, the tomb of moses, the western wall and other historically rich places. and i have stepped into the dead sea before! i remember i had a cut at my foot so it did hurt just a little bit. though i never tested to see if i could really float. haha. someday i shall go there again.

moscow is another place on my list. has to do with my fascination with its communist legacy. maybe st. petersburg too. i want to see the kremlin, the red square, and the museums rich in history of communism. berlin too. berlin is a beautiful city, and i would also like to see the remains of the berlin wall, and delve into the history of the nazi era (if they still have relics from that era). london too, for its beautiful setting, and its famous landmarks. and not to mention, probably catch a match at the emirates stadium. just too bad highbury is history.

alot of places to travel to, and alot of money needed! haha. personally if you notice, i of course appreciate places rich in history that i have interests in. natural sights are a sight to behold, say niagara falls etc - but i would rather appreciate buildings, sites, relics that have to do with human history. and america doesn't interest me that much so heck. i hope i can really visit all these 5 places in my lifetime.

dear God, grant me a very well-paying job so as to fulfil my dreams!

for now, it's KL for me it seems. haha.

till next week then.

hair

so the so-called last step to the revamp of my computer system has been put in place.

now the whole system is totally different from the last one i had. so stage 3 is complete. although the next thing i might upgrade in the future is the CPU, but it won't come so soon. but im contented with my system so far. it's not the best, but at least it's stable and adequate to meed my needs.

went to the PC show with jj. got some speakers and a new keyboard and mouse set. and i decided against investing in a laptop so soon. and kept running into alot of my ex-recruits. tsk tsk.

ah got alot of things to do this month. got a show im supposed to catch, a party im supposed to attend, and KL! haha. gonna get e car keys in 2 days' time but ah i won't have so much time driving it around anyways.

dear you,

nowadays i don't feel so frustrated about it all anymore. but i really don't know. my mind is so confused about everything. i want to bring it up to you, but i've no courage at all.

what would you see or would have seen in me anyway?