depressed

warning: i think the entry will be quite long.



the week has been rather interesting. the other day on tuesday, i went for a run and when i reached back i was really gasping for air. that is how unfit i am. and i'm quite sure the maximum distance that i ran was around 2km plus. but i think that helped me the next day in training, since i felt fine after going through the paces in training. i think running does help, although if i still tire out too soon after a short run i have no idea how i am ever going to improve on my fitness.


on thursday the night cycling central committee went to sembawang park for an outing. well, the beach was really awash with a lot of non-chinese, but i didn't expect them to be that many. if sembawang park was as packed as that, i wondered how east coast would be like then. in any case we played a lot of games, dared each other to do nonsensical stuffs and of course, camwhored. the photos are on facebook so do check them out. after the outing we went to causeway point to have dinner at banquet - alas, it wasn't open so we walked to al-ameen at woodgrove and ordered food to take away, and ended up eating dinner at a playground somewhere in the middle of the hdb flats of woodlands. haha. but yes, the whole thing was fun. although people really stared at us since all of use were wearing the committee shirts.

well my watch strap broke when i was playing captain's ball, so now i'm left with 1 watch out of 3. i lost my actual watch around 3 weeks ago, and now the reserve watch is broken. the watch that i'm left with is too nice to be worn to school. haha. so i need to find a new watch! but there isn't any cheap ones out there anymore. well at least for the type of watch i'm looking for. it's quite annoying. yes, you might say a watch is now redundant nowadays since handphones and even mp3 players keep track of time. well, i'm too used to just looking at my wrist for the time and this might sound wrong but i feel naked without wearing a watch.

just now i had training and i did okay i think. till sparring time came, i fared rather badly. i was against jason, and it was his first time sparring. well i kinda lost to him, since i didn't put up much of a fight. i don't know why. firstly i think i didn't really want to exert myself because the injury on my right foot keeps coming back. i seriously have no idea how long it will take to heal completely, since it's been more than 1 and a half months already since i first got injured. it really is annoying when it sometimes hampers me in training. add to that now a sudden back strain as i'm typing, and my left inner thigh is hurting like mad because there's a pull there. in any case i haven't really gotten my techniques in training right yet. i'm really struggling and way behind others. i'm quite slow in picking up alot of things. unfortunately, this is also amonng them. well guess all i know is that i try to do what i can within my limits.

alot of things in life i've never really been able to do properly even though i do spend quite abit of time on it. like in my secondary school days. i was in the military band, i actually became leader of my section. sounds impressive. but i can't even blow the trumpet properly. i could never reach the high C note, and i could never tongue my notes properly. and that considering i spent around 3 years with my trusted trumpet. i've been playing badminton since secondary one but my skills have never improved. football? that goes without saying. my style of play has also never changed over the years. i don't know, i feel that i'm not really good with things that require a certain amount of skills. i always wonder how people can be good at let's say playing the guitar, at football, bowling, singing all at 1 time. seriously if you ask me to name something that i'm good at with my hands or something that requires a certain level of skill, i can't really name you anything. all i can tell you is i know probably almost all the capital cities of the world, and maybe add in their currencies as well, and how their flag looks like, and where they are on the world map. well that is quite a useless piece of skill, if you ask me. unless i have to appear on whose line is it anyway often, then that's a different story altogether.

the general mood is now of sadness i guess. i don't know, i feel more down than up nowadays. is just some general melancholy that has hit me. maybe it's gotta do with the workload that is going to pile up, with all the deadlines that i have to meet. and mostly my personal life, which is just about as messy as pakistani politics right now. oh well. i'm stuck and i don't know where to head to.

i have no idea what to do now, since i'm at a loss. i need some timely divine intervention to drag me out of this mess!